A Ruth's Song

 

 

 

 

A song I wrote while taking a bath. It's my simple prayer and song for my future Boaz.

 

I want to wake up hearing him singing praises to You.
I want to know he's in his secret place honoring You.

I want a man who loves me like You do.

I want to grow with him....
I want to sow with him.
I want to sing with him.
I want to pray with him.
I want to worship with him.
I want to give with him.

And when I lay my head down on his chest at night- I hear him praying to you. He's my favorite good night. His love for you, Holy Spirit inspires me to draw closer to You.

I want to serve with him.
I want to dream with him.
I want to play with him.
I want to learn with him.
I want to build with him.
I want to love with him.

Wherever he goes I will follow ...because I know he follows after You.
I want a man who loves me like You do.

This is my humbled prayer and spontaneous song I sang today while taking a bath. I normally don't write all my songs down...But I want to remember this one because maybe I'll sing it some day on my wedding day. Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2014 ~ A Modern Day Ruth

— with Jenny Williams.

She Said Yes

She said yes-

To saying goodbye to everything and everyone who had broken her heart.

To forgiveness and not letting bitterness ruin her.

To not looking over her shoulder at memory lane, to not trying to bang down a door that's been purposefully shut, and to not wasting away her life waiting for someone to come back and love her.

To becoming wise, learning from her bad choices and mistakes.

To not letting men use her, abuse her, cheat on her, or treat her with less respect and care than what she deserves.

To letting go of fears and embracing "I can's".

To being herself and loving her smile, her heart, her spirit and her body -to knowing she's loveable.

To trusting God in all areas of her life.

To having huge and crazy dreams and not letting anyone talk her out of them.

To loving herself, taking care of her body, her mind, and soul.

To not letting the ashes, burnt up dreams, heartaches and disappointments destroy her or keep her from her God given destiny.

To smiling, laughing, being silly, having fun, being creative and letting each moment count.

To letting him know she can live without him, that her worth never is based on his perception of who she is.

To kissing that fool goodbye for the last time.

To being lovely, sparkly, shiny and vibrant.

To taking her tears and making them useful. She writes, she sings, she creates, and she wipes the tears of others, reminding them that God can heal their hearts too.

To allowing herself to be available to romantic love again but with higher standards. She's a daughter of God, after all.

To walking out and living in her God given purpose and destiny. To be being a Queen for such a time as this. Yes, she can do it.

To wearing the pretty shoes and walking in authority, stomping and crushing the enemies lies beneath her feet!

To dancing and going to high places.

To hanging out with winners, believers, overcomers and achievers; accepting healthy and inspiring people in her life, saying no to people who suck the joy and life out of what God has created to be beautiful and honor Him.

To growing, glowing, giving, sharing, and loving.

To expecting the good and beautiful and expecting blessing and favor to be in her life.

Written by Jenny Williams  Copyright 2013 A Modern Day Ruth

Please Don't Throw Me Away

Memories have brought on emotions I don't ever want to feel again. Seeing couples and families at church during the holidays is so painful to watch. During a service recently, I just felt like I wanted to run down the aisle and escape the feeling of complete isolation. It was more than I could endure to see husbands holding their wives during the sermon. I used to do that... nestle my head on my husband's shoulder. I just kept thinking to myself, "I just want to be loved."  I don't want him back, but I want to be loved by a man again. If I could trust someone, if I knew I wasn't going to be discarded when troubles or difficulties came.  I still have to remind myself that I'm not trash. That I'm not ugly or unlovable. To be honest, it's hard to convince this troubled heart at times. I could just go date anyone. I have been asked out plenty of times, but I am picky now. I don't just go out for the sake of going out. My heart is too fragile for that. I am still healing from the damage the one I loved did to me. The one I took back even after he had left me for another woman-the one who threw me away like trash. The one who took me for granted. The one who left me abandoned over and over. I wish he could comprehend the pain and damage he did to my heart. To my kids. It nearly cost me my life. It's been so hard to believe that any man could love me. I guess whoever walks into  my life will have to be patient and understanding of this. He will have to handle my heart gently. Dear future husband of mine: Please don't leave. Don't throw me away. Don't take me for granted. Don't ignore me and leave me always waiting and wanting...waiting for you to touch me, hold me, to talk to me...To be with me. Don't leave me drowning in my tears, keeping me in chains of worry as I try to be good enough for you -and whatever you do, don't make me feel lonely. Don't treat me like a side dish or a back pocket kind of girl. Keep me up front close to your heart. Let me know I'm special and valuable; that I'm enough, that I'm the only one, that I'm lovable- flaws and all. Let me know you need me and my love.
Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013

I'll Go Wherever You will Go

I think this road of embracing being a "Ruth" is going to lead me to the greatest love I have ever experienced and truly wanted. More importantly, the closeness of Poppa God wrapping my heart and drawing me nearer to Him has been so surreal ...and so precious. When your heart has been sick from being broken, you tend to appreciate every facet and every act of love -you just don't take it for granted. I think of my future Boaz I have not yet met, and what his heart has or may have been through...Always praying and pondering. ~ Jenny Williams A Modern Day Ruth 

My heart sings every lyric of this song: http://youtu.be/xynkd9a3jmU 

I wanna Be Real

I woke up with the song "I Want To Be Real" by Chris August on my mind. Music is always my heartbeat. I think that sometimes I think in lyrics. I am always singing a song around the house when I'm alone. Worship time is my favorite time. Music flows through my veins like blood. I like this song because I can so relate to the words. I just want to feel safe -safe to be me and not be afraid of being left or deserted. I just want to be me -all the time. I don't want to have the guard up...the walls up. Some days I just want to collapse in someone's arms and just be told everything is going to be alright...that I don't have to be strong anymore...that I can let go and rest...that they are not going to walk away or break my heart. I just want to be real. ~ Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013.

I want To Be Real by Chris August  http://youtu.be/qy4DqMUavdI

Love Message For You

I love what I do. I love and value our readers as family members. You are my sisters and brothers. God gave me a passion to help heal and empower women by sharing the wisdom I learned from my own personal mistakes. Through my own journey of overcoming abandonment and heartaches, and to remind them of what their value is as daughters of the Most High God. You are worth more than all the diamonds and rubies in the entire world...Don't ever doubt it. That even with brokenness and ashes, your story does not end. Your life is not over, but just begun. You have a future and a hope! You have a destiny still to fulfill. God's love for you does not waiver one bit. His love is everlasting and His beautiful Grace is sufficient for you. Don't ever let the enemy convince you that because someone doesn't love you or that you aren't lovable anymore. That's a lie. That person just did not see or appreciate the value of who you truly are, but someday someone will. Hold onto God's promises- they are for you. <3 Love, Jenny~ A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013.

A Piece Of Me

Sometimes pieces of us begin to fade away....a little at a time. It's subtle at first, because we have compromised ourselves in a small area. We willingly give up just a bit of who we really are, and leave behind a part of ourselves just to continue to make that someone else happy, but soon we keep grasping for more of ourselves to give, because the one we love is never satisfied. Until finally one day, we wake up and realize we don't even see ourselves in their eyes anymore. Our heart is numb and we feel lost as we eerily stare into the mirror of our wounded soul. The curtain of illusion is lifted off of our blinded eyes, and we finally see that we have been left alone -and the one we thought we loved so much, the one we poured our all into, is gone. There's nothing left but shattered pieces. We are now tired and spent and left only with echoes of yesterdays, and no real sounds of love we desperately long to hear. ~ A Modern Day Ruth Written by Jenny Williams Copyright 2013

Just a Little Something

I wrote this because it's how I feel. It's not that I don't want to be loved, it's that I do want it...real love.

There are no lies when there is love. When there is only truth, there is trust. You are safe with the one you love. Perfect love casts out all fear. This is what I want. I want that kind of love. ~ By Jenny Williams Ruby Wives Copyright 2013.

To The One (Dear Daughter)

To the one who woke up and her heart still feels heavy 

-she thought her nightmare would finally turn to sweet dreams.

To the one who has known so many tears 

-she feels her soul is like waterfalls.

To the one who can't believe she is getting back up again after feeling like she has failed once more.

To the one who wishes her Daddy would have held her, hugged her, and told her she was beautiful when she was a little girl.

To the one who never feels like she fits in the crowd, and wonders what is wrong with her.

To the one who feels like she isn't good enough, strong enough, pretty enough.

To the one who just wants to be held and her arms ache for warmth and tender loving care.

To the one who feels betrayed and forgotten and feels no one cares.

To the one who has seen nothing but ashes and broken dreams

and is afraid to even begin to dream again.

To the one who feels misunderstood and judged by others about her circumstances.

To the one who can't see sunshine, rainbows or silver linings because the night has been so long for her.

To the one who feels every step forward is so difficult and a struggle  

-she feels weary from her travels.

To the one who feels lost and can't find her way 

-she doesn't know what to do and where to go.

To the one who has deep wounds that don't seem to heal fast enough.

To the one who has to be the provider, the Momma and the Daddy 

-she just wants to be taken care of too.

To the one who has cried out and prayed and still doesn't see the answers come.

To the one who is so lonely and wants to trust for love again. 

Oh, To be loved.

To the one who wants to trust but is afraid of being hurt again.

To the one who wants attention and affection 

-she wants to be cherished and feel valued.

To the one who wants to end her life because she desperately wants to find relief from all of this

...hold on...don't do it....

To the one who is working so hard, but it just never seems to be enough.

To the one who has experienced enough pain and trauma to last a lifetime 

-she just wants peace and safety again.

To the one who just wants to feel pampered, loved and celebrated.

To the one who just wants to feel beautiful again 

-she feels her tiredness, weariness and scars are all others see.

To the one who feels like it's all her fault 

-she feels so ashamed, dirty, and used.

To the one who needs to hear that she matters and that she is not forgotten.

To the one who is about to give up in believing for better.

To the one who wishes she was someone's favorite 

-she wants to be the special one.

To the one who feels so lowly she doesn't think she can achieve or accomplish anything 

-she just might fail.

To the one who wonders if she is even lovable....

To the one who has been told she would never amount to anything.

To the one who has been abandoned so many times that she's afraid to be left by everyone 

-she's so scared.

Dear One...God sees you. He hears you. He is with you. He is near you. He cries with you. He knows your tears and feels your pain. He loves you for who you are and where you are at. He has a love for you that does not end, despite all the circumstances and mess you feel you are in. He does not condemn you. He does not judge you. He does not forget you. He is your arms to lean on. He is strong enough to carry you and your burdens. He is steady and unmoving. He will not walk out on you. He cares about what you need and desire. He is working out a plan, if you will trust Him and choose His way. He loved you enough to suffer and die for you. He sees you as beautiful. He is proud of you. He is not ashamed of you. He wants better for you. He wants you to rest in Him. He wants to heal your heart and have you give Him all the pieces. He wants to be your everything. He simply loves you, Dear One. He loves you.
~ Written by Jenny Williams A Modern Day Ruth/Ruby Wives  Copyright 2013 All rights reserved.

Saying Goodbye To Goodbyes

I had to say "Goodbye" to many goodbyes. I had to "un-believe" the many lies spoken over me, and as I took each new step toward tomorrow, I knew I would never be the same. When I looked behind me, at my ash heap of everything I held dear that was gone....It was gone. Because of God's great Mercy, He swept it far away so that I could experience better and brighter days. Though this time has felt so lonely, I have come to understand that He has a better plan. His Grace would not allow me to stay in my misery and pain. He has clothed me in His strength. He has poured my bottle of tears into a sweet fragrance just for me, and now I wear its perfume proudly as a testimony. The Lord is so faithful and so good to me. ~ Jenny Williams, Copyright 2013. All rights reserved. No copy or duplication without the author's permission.  A Modern Day Ruth 

— with Jenny Williams.

He's Making Me Beautiful

 

Someone told me today that I was beautiful, but I didn't feel like it. My hair was wet and drippy and I had no makeup on. I've been feeling a bit tired and weary from the journey. Maybe they saw something I don't. The truth is, it's a littl...e hard to believe someone when they say that about me. I think it's because men who have told me this- have hurt me and abandoned me. My Daddy didn't give me compliments much when I was growing up. I feel shy when someone gives me a compliment, although now I am gracious and thank them as a lady should. I love to tell others -especially little girls. I never want one to feel lowly or unlovely. I always tell my teenage daughters all the time. I wrote a piece like this a while back, but wrote a new one since I couldn't find it. Maybe I needed the reminder myself. Just because there are areas God is working on, doesn't mean the work in progress isn't beautiful.

I feel beautiful when:

When I'm lost in worship and His presence.
When I smile at a stranger.
When I sing a love song to Poppa God.
When I am twirling in the rain or snow.
When I am smelling roses.
When I know I have made a difference in someone's life.
When I wear dresses and heels. And be my girly girl self.
When I see sunsets and feel gratefulness in my heart.
When I go on walks with Poppa God in the cool of the night.
When I wear my favorite perfume. People say I smell so good.
When I hear ocean waves and smell the salty air.
When I'm lost in a warm conversation that has caught my attention.
When I run through crunchy leaves in the fall.
When I'm proud of my children...Their precious lives makes me beautiful.
When I know I'm glowing from the inside out.
When I listen to a song that my heart relates to.
When a child comes up to me and wraps their little hands around me.
When the wind blows across my face...I take those moments as Poppa God kissing me.
When my heart is tender during a beautiful moment.
Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2013 All rights reserved.  A Modern Day Ruth

— with Jenny Williams.

Dear Ruth

To the "Ruths" who are waiting for a "Boaz" to walk into your life:
  I remember the day my Mama and I went to a powerful church service at Jesus Pursuit Church in Albany. We were both going through some painful and difficult times. My heart had been severely broken by my husband of 13 years who had walked away from God and his family. The air was thick in the sanctuary. The presence of the Holy Spirit was so sweet. The music was going, and I was lost in worship. This place felt safe. In my heart I leaned against Poppa God on a white horse. I call God Poppa. I have always wanted to be a Daddy's girl, but my real Dad couldn't be there for me. In His presence I felt like I was the only one. I spiritually felt bare and naked with my broken heart exposed, but felt so safe and so warm resting in His arms. After the music and message that were given, my Mama wanted me to go up front to the altar area to be prayed for. I felt shy and awkward about it, but at my Mama's request, I did. She's my hero in so many ways. Anything she asks of me I will do. I was prayed for and given a precious and memorable word. I was told by the prayer lady that God wanted me know it wasn't my fault and that Poppa loved me. He called me His favorite, and in that moment, I felt like I truly was. God is so awesome how He does this. We truly are His favorite. Each one of us. After some time, I went and kneeled at the altar and cried out to Him. I heard Him say so clearly- I'm sending you a "Boaz". I pondered what He said. I knew it was His voice. I've never really been interested much about the story of Ruth and Boaz. I went to Sunday School as a child and it was never my favorite story, but since then I have studied the book of Ruth. I've listened and gleaned from it and applied it to areas of my life. Have I bumped into my Boaz yet? No, but I have learned to be busy about my Father's business. Loving others and working in the fields that God has called me to. I have met so many "Ruths and Naomis" along the way of this healing journey. I have spent the last few years gleaning and sharing wisdom of what a godly woman and wife should be like. Sharing my own journey, being transparent with my readers, praying and standing in the gap for marriages. We have helped soothe some broken hearts. Poppa God has been faithful. I see so many strong women who have been hurt and disappointed, but their faith shines like the sun, and I am so privileged and blessed to know them. The story of Ruth is about redemption. Poppa God covers us with His love and redeems us from our painful past. He celebrates us as the Bride of Christ. He provides for us single mamas and is a Husband when we need one. He is also a Father to the fatherless. He is all that we have need of. I've learned to let go of searching for the affections of a man, and to put my broken bleeding heart into the hands of the Almighty. There, I know it will always be protected and safe. I have come so far, and I feel so grateful that I'm no longer broken or dismayed. He has given me purpose -given me a message that burns on my heart to share. Keep trusting God, Keep walking in faith, and do what God has called you to -and when the time is right, your "Boaz" will see you from across the field.  Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Ruby Wives Copyright 2013

I'm Not Afraid (Dear Boaz)

The Lord has been bringing out beautiful things for me and in me. Today He gave me the most beautiful song...A love song. For my future Boaz. My heart has been very much in preparation for the future husband He has called me to be by his side. I don't just want a husband. I want to be anointed and called to be his wife. I feel called to be next to a leader. To be an example to the church of what a godly wife is supposed to be. To walk in respect and honor. This song came out of me today. So healing and so affirmative that my heart has been healed and prepared for what He has planned for me. Perfect love casts out all fear.

I'm not afraid for God to let you find me.
I'm not afraid of your gaze and your eyes to see me.
I'm not afraid to meet you, to tell you my name.
I'm not afraid to get to know you -all of who you are.
I'm not afraid to be greeted with a "Holy" kiss by your lips.
I'm not afraid to listen to your heart's desires.
I'm not afraid to bring comfort to you.
I'm not afraid to share my heart -the deepest places of it all.
I'm not afraid to share my secrets and dreams and hear yours too.
I'm not afraid to look you in the eyes and let you see my tenderness.
I'm not afraid to let you hold me and caress me.
I'm not afraid to let you fall in love with me.
I'm not afraid to walk with you in places I've never been.
I'm not afraid to show you my weaknesses.
I'm not afraid to sing to you. To discover everything of who I am.
I'm not afraid to let you hold my hand and let you lead.
I'm not afraid to let you cover and protect me -to let you be strong for me.
I'm not afraid to give you a reason to smile -to look for sweet ways to touch you.
I'm not afraid to be a soft place for you to land.
I'm not afraid to daily pray and do battle for you on my knees.
I'm not afraid to laugh with you and play.
I'm not afraid to embrace your family and friends and those whom you love.
I'm not afraid to impact the kingdom of God with you -to pour into and inspire others in Christ.
I'm not afraid to travel and go on adventures with you.
I'm not afraid to worship in spirit and in truth with you.
I'm not afraid to hear you speak into my life -to learn from you and be inspired to grow wise.
I'm not afraid to let you sweetly spoil me and to be your favorite one.
I'm not afraid to accept your weakness and to encourage your strengths.
I'm not afraid to love you for exactly who you are and who God made you to be.
I'm not afraid to share spiritual moments together -to get excited about what God is doing.
I'm not afraid to trust you with whats on or dear to my heart.
I'm not afraid to stand beside you. To build and to dream with you.
I'm not afraid to be your lover and give you my all.
I'm not afraid to give you respect and honor -to stick up for you and to protect your integrity.
I'm not afraid to keep learning and discovering with you.
I'm not afraid to encourage you when you have a bad day.
I'm not afraid to hear you whisper my name.
I'm not afraid to let you dry my tears and soothe my fears.
I'm not afraid to dance with you in the moonlight.
I'm not afraid to invest our blood, sweat and tears for what you believe and aspire to and dream.
I'm not afraid to learn how to be your best friend, your confidante, your safe place to trust.
I'm not afraid to build and achieve crazy dreams with you and to walk in faith for the impossible.
I'm not afraid to be a help mate to you -to find ways to bless you every day. I can't wait.
I'm not afraid to sing my love songs to you and with you -to make music together.
I'm not afraid to pray in my prayer language in front of you and simply be who I am.
I'm not afraid to let you put a ring on my hand for life -to walk by your side.
I'm not afraid to walk down the aisle toward you and say, "I do".
I'm not afraid to be faithful and loyal forever with you.
I'm not afraid.
Written by Jenny Williams,  A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013

The Field

 

Sometimes I wonder why I must walk this road. Sometimes it feels like this field is never going to be finished being gleaned. I know there's purpose. My faith must continue to remain steadfast, and it must turn it's ear away from these emotions. My tender heart aches. I trust in my Poppa God, even though I tire of the wait. I can imagine how Ruth felt as she pushed through with determination. She did not know the joy that was set before her. She just believed in the God of Naomi, the one she was faithful and loyal to. No matter how long it takes. May my stretched out trust in the unknown be certain that the Redeemer I love is unfailing. If there is anything I glean from this season, it is His wisdom, redemption, and Grace...Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth. Copyright 2013

In His Chambers

It's been 4 days since I and many other women have started a season of prayer and fasting. I was hesitant at first to announce and commit to 21 days. There's so much more pressure to lead a fast than just participate, but I felt God nudge my heart, and so here I am. I have no regrets because I see women really being touched. The last 4 days have been so wonderful. Besides the struggle of being hungry, everything else has been smooth and easy. I thought I was going to have to pound the doors of heaven, but what I've come to realize, is that He has been waiting for me. He has been seeking me out and lavishing Himself upon me with His love. I feel so blessed, so humbled and so enthralled that He would do this. Thank You, Poppa God. I adore you. For the past couple of days He has been continually saying, "What do you want? What do you desire? Tell me." I know He already knows, but He has me in a place of trusting Him with my heart's desires. For me it's not about telling Him. It's about trusting Him. Being a "Ruth" has not been easy. I have been hurt and abandoned. I have had dreams dashed to the ground and burnt up into ashes. I had to come from a place I knew, to walking a desolate road of tears and sorrows. It's been a long journey, but now I am no longer broken. I am no longer longing for what I lost. It  has been a time of trusting as I have had to move forward -forward toward destiny. He has had me working in a field I didn't know I would be assigned to, gleaning wisdom from my past mistakes and sharing it with others who are hurting too. God has been so good. He has been so faithful.
  Today, as I met with the Holy Spirit in my new Secret Place, He told me to be still and to just let Him love on me. The wind began to blow through the trees and my hair. His sweet kisses on my face. Leaves and acorns were falling down and all around me. He told me that I am to just lay my worries and fears aside outside the door of my King's Chambers....Why? Because in the "Secret Place" He just wants my full attention. His presence and love demands this. He wants to lavish Himself upon me. How beautiful and so surreal is this? That when we come to our lover, we don't talk about stresses of the day or worries. No, we let our lover ravish us. We get lost in that moment of making love to each other, and how much more so should it be with our King. We come before Him and focus our attention on His gaze and His great love for us. I hear Him say, "Come, Daughter. I want to love on you." I think of Queen Esther and that one night with the King. She had to let go of her insecurities and fears and be open to him. This was her chance to make that first impression -to make her time with him count. Oh, that we would make our precious intimate time with our King count. May our hearts impress His with our willingness to be loved and to love on Him back. How lovely. How beautiful... How precious is the Holy Spirit. He wants to lavish Himself on you.

"My beloved spoke and said to me,
    “Arise, my darling,
    my beautiful one, come with me."  Song of Songs 2:10 NIV

Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013

Wisdom I Have Gleaned As A Ruth

Wisdom I have gleaned from being a "Ruth":

-This season came because God is preparing me for greatness.

-Embracing the process of letting God transform my heart and my thinking is vital.

-There is purpose even in the midst of pain and suffering.

-Faithfulness and loyalty are my friends. I must cling to the faith that I know and trust my Heavenly Father.

-As I walk the road of the unknown, there are treasures to discover: His wisdom. His blessings. His truth. I must look for them.

-This season is temporary, but the reward is eternal.

-I must keep my eyes and focus on the Lord and not man. Man has disappointed me but God never has.

-I must be truthful with myself and analyze and acknowledge my foolish mistakes, then glean the wisdom from them.

-I broke the cycle of settling for less than God's best. I've set my standards high. I desire a king not a pauper.

-He is making and moulding my heart to be of a Queen for the King He is preparing for me.

-My assignment is to help encourage and comfort others while I'm in the field. He heals me as I help heal others. My tears are not in vain.

-He is giving me strength from Glory to Glory. Every moment He is with me.

-Faithfulness is mandatory. He expects my best.

-He is making me beautiful in this process. He is taking these ashes and turning them into something beautiful for a display of the splendor of the Lord. There is beauty out of my brokenness.

-He is the provider for me and my children. He is a husband to me and a Father to my children. Though man has forsaken me- GOD DOES NOT.

-The Holy Spirit is the lover of my soul. He is my song's delight. My worship time is precious...I am His and He is mine. His banner over me is LOVE. No one can take away my love song except me- when I do not open my mouth.

-God has promised me a "Boaz" but my focus is not on trying to find him. He will one day notice me from across the field. I focus on my assignment. I focus on my growth and refinement. I focus on His heart's desire. Love will come when it's time.

-The character traits of Ruth are: Loyalty, faithfulness, a servant's heart, a woman of courage and strength. She was compassionate and helped others. I desire and strive to have these qualities.

-Some days are so difficult. Life is hard. There are many tears. I live moment to moment with Him, leaning on Him to carry me through this season.

-How I handle this season will determine how long it will be and the outcome of it. My destiny is linked to my responses and willingness to yield to God's perfect plan. My legacy is attached to this season.

-I recognize that I can't do this alone. He is my strength and my portion.

-I sow into others encouragement, words of healing, and comfort. My love and compassion for others keeps me going. My dreams are connected with their dreams. I live to encourage others in their destinies. When I focus on comforting others, I myself am comforted.

-Those who sow in tears....will reap songs of Joy.

Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives  Copyright 2013

Fight For Me

Sometimes walking this role isn't easy. Actually, it never is, to be true. I had a few moments of tears tonight and said out loud, "I don't want to have to be strong anymore." I just wanted to be held and told "I'll take care of you." I know Poppa God loves me and He is here for me me, but sometimes I crave for real life hugs. I know this feeling will pass and I will go to bed and wake up with a brighter countenance, but for this moment, "Daddy, Abba please hold me. Your girl is hurting tonight." (Just keeping it real.) ~ A Modern Day Ruth, Jenny Williams Copyright 2013
2 Samuel 22:7 (NIV)
“In my distress I called to the Lord; I called out to my God. From His temple he heard my voice; my cry came to His ears."

Praise Like Perfume

   One unique thing about me that I am openly sharing with you is my most special and sacred time: singing to Poppa God. I have done this since I was probably about 2 or 3 years old. I used to stand on the old fashioned upright vacuum cleaner and use the handle as a microphone. I was very aware and sensitive to the Holy Spirit even as a baby. My Momma once told me that I would listen intently to my grandmother's piano playing. I would have a look on my face. The Holy Spirit was touching me. Through the years I have sung spontaneous love songs to the Lord, mostly during my bath times. You can say I am truly a "psalmist" at heart. I have always easily related  myself to King David in the Bible. My favorite book happens to be the Psalms. Music flows through me just like blood does. I sing to the Holy Spirit and He sings back to me. Sometimes in my prayer language. There's something about praise that ushers us into His secret place, His pavilion, His favorite places. I have gone through great times of despair and heartache -times when I had no song to sing because my heart was so sick from brokenness. To not be able to sing was deeply painful to me. God knows our hearts and He knows our desires to please and worship Him. I am so grateful He brought me through the long dark night of my soul and filled me with new songs again. My prayer anointed grandmother passed onto me the mantle of intercession. I honor her for this. She was an incredible mighty woman of God, but even with prayer time and battling warfare, there are times when I boldly just sing out His praises. The enemy hates this. Remember that the Israelites would have the worshipers be on front lines of the battlefield. The Bible says, (Psalm 96:1) Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. I share this to encourage you. Some days during this journey of being a "Ruth" you won't feel like doing anything. Your emotions may feel  all-consuming. Sing out a love song to Jesus anyway. Lift up your praises before Him. Minister to His heart and bless Him with your voice lifted high. He does not care if you sing beautifully, He cares about the beautiful heart that wants to touch Him; bless Him, pour out your fragrant perfume upon His feet. I have discovered the most beautiful treasures by singing in the spirit. No demon in hell can interfere with your love song to Him, unless you don't open your mouth. Praise is powerful, I tell you. My bubble bath's with the Holy Spirit are amazing. When you are walking the road of faith, when you're in the field working where you are assigned, sing out a love song. Sing in the Spirit. Make an eternal love song just for Him. This pleases Him. God favored David because he had a heart after God's heart. I love the lyrics to the worship song (Pour My Love On You by Phillips, Craig & Dean,) "If Praise is like perfume I'll lavish mine on you. Until every drop is gone. I'll pour my oil on you...". Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives/ A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2013 <3

The Surface

Today I woke up with a heavy-feeling heart. I am aware that the healing process of my heart has been in stages and layers at a time. God is a gentleman. He works on us slowly and gently because He knows we can't handle it all at one time. This must be one of the hardest for me. I finally came to the truth in myself that I am afraid to ever allow myself to love a man ever again. I am full of love, but I don't trust myself to go there. I simply couldn't handle a heartbreak -not one more time. I have always loved with every breath of me -wholeheartedly and with no reservation. Now it's like a dam in my heart. All this love is stored up, but I just won't let the door open and let the flood gates of my heart flow again. I have been surrounded by beautiful, good, sweet loving caring men who love God. They have been dear brothers in Christ. They have been kind and encouraging. They have proved to me that there are godly decent men out there, but still I'm afraid. I no longer feel heartbroken or traumatized by the abuse, abandonment and betrayal I have endured, but that memory is so real, and I feel like at any moment someone will walk out the door of my life. Everyone I have loved has left. I know I am not responsible for the poor choices of men -that I allowed myself to love men who were simply unworthy of me. My choices of settling for less than the best than what I deserved. No woman deserves to be beaten, cheated on, or abandoned over and over. I know what I want, I know fully what I deserve, and I'm strongly set and have chosen to break the cycle of men who won't provide, who lie, who cheat, who only use words that are not backed up by their actions -men who play with hearts but don't commit.
 

There's that one piece of me that says- "Can I trust you?" I feel like saying to the man of my future, "Will you really be there? Will you stay true to me? Will you hold me when I'm weak ? Will you stay with me through anything? Will you be patient enough to assure me as many times as it takes that you are not going to walk out that door? Will the love I offer be enough for you? Will you value my heart and be careful with it? Will you see me as I really am, or will you just see the scars of my disappointments and broken past? Will you understand the pain and journey I walked and appreciate the strength and beauty I have come into because of it? Please don't walk into my life unless you know you will handle me gently, and that you can be a safe place for me to trust. I want to love. I want to trust you. I want to build dreams with you, make memories, build a life, laugh, play, sing, discover more of the depths of God, go on adventures, touch lives, encourage souls, make a difference, or do the impossible -but can I trust you?"

Out of all of this I hear Poppa God say, "Do you trust Me?" Wow... Do I trust my Heavenly Father that He won't allow me to be hurt this way again? Lord, Help me to be ever so close to You, that a man would have to go to You to even reach my heart, because I'm resting on Your chest -Your very bosom, hearing Your heart beat, and knowing I'm completely safe with You. ~ Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives, Copyright 2013

A Trail of Tears

    Naomi only knew tears and loss as she and Ruth began the long journey back to her homeland. Ruth was courageous to travel to a land she did not know -she only did it out of her pure devotion to Naomi. I can imagine as they took each step, they realized they were farther away from what they left behind...The memories, the love of their husbands, their homes and dreams. Strength and determination set in as they walked a trail of tears.

This road I have walked has had many bumps along the way: the feeling of rejection, the looks from others who didn't know the whole story, the feeling of complete isolation, a feeling of aimless wandering and dismay. Some days were a blur. I was on auto pilot just to keep going, to keep me and my kids moving forward. Going to what? where am I going? The trail of tears may seem so long, but I assure you -the flow of them will lessen as time goes on. Sometimes, as a single momma, it has felt like a road only a few walk. You feel like an outsider and you wish someone would care. Not only care- but not cast judgment, because when you do humbly reach out for help it feels like you receive scorn, or that people think you're out to get whatever for free. I can tell you, for the most part, that is not the case. It took everything just to ask for help. We just want the best for our kids as any Momma would want for her child. I think that the church can be cruel without knowing. They assume things and they treat single moms like outcasts, as if we did something wrong -like it's our fault that our husbands left. Women who have been abandoned....They just want to know it's going to be alright. We just want friendship. We want a helping hand when our hands are too full of burdens. We want to be loved...just simply loved. Our hearts have been through a shredder...ripped to pieces. We just want someone to say, "I am with you no matter what, and I am going to love you where you're at." 

On this trail of tears many thoughts come through our minds. We go through an emotional war within ourselves as we battle against (and for) letting go of the feelings and attachments to the one we loved. Overcoming the rejection of being hurt and abandoned was a huge hurdle for me to jump over. It was like a huge boulder blocking my road, and I had to push and push against this huge thing in my life. I had to face it. I had to trust Poppa God that He loves me even if no man on this planet did. I did finally learn to climb over it. It was not easy. I had to reteach myself where my value came from. I had to learn that it wasn't from the man who left me, nor would it ever be from any other man on this earth. My value is from what God's view of me is...I'm loved, I'm special, I'm His favorite...the apple of His eye. As time passed on this road, I began to discover treasures for me to pick up along the way...Lessons. Wisdom. Truth. I began to embrace this road of suffering. I found there was purpose. I became stronger in my faith. Stronger in my walk with the Lord as I began to realize He is walking right beside me. I might not see Him or even feel Him at times, but when I look back over my shoulder I realized He was and has been all along. I don't feel like I am on a trail of tears anymore...I finally arrived in the strange land where Ruth decided to dwell. My heart no longer feels broken, but it still hasn't gotten easier -my journey has just shifted. I'm now in the field working. It's hard work; at times, exhausting. My burdens for others keep me gleaning wisdom in the field where Poppa God has assigned me. I am utterly grateful. So grateful for His goodness...His mercies and His grace. Written By Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives, Copyright 2013