Ship Wrecked Heart

She's been sadder more days than happy and it's been a rough voyage on waters she never desired to sail in the first place. She felt her heart was ship wrecked and the waves of discouragement, struggle and hardship have been the waves thrashing her heart about. But she's clung to her anchor and held His hand in the midst of it all. She's found her safety on an island of His love. Her safe place has been underneath His wings. His light warms her up when she's cold from this disappointing world.
Written by Jenny Williams,
~ A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2015

Wisdom I learned as a "Ruth"

If you are trying so hard to get his attention...He's not the one. Boaz noticed her without her even trying.

There's wisdom during this season that you should discover and treasure. God brings His best treasures during your greatest adversities.

The faster you learn... the easier it is to work the field you are in.

Humility seems to be a character trait a Ruth must acquire. It's hard and I'm learning this. My circumstances are humble. No way to hide that but continue pressing on.

If he's noticed you, he will let you know. Boaz summoned his workers to find out about her.  He spoke to her and offered her a place at his table.

We feel lonely, but we are not alone. Notice the other women working in the field? They are in your same situation... just different details.

A Boaz requires higher standards than common men do. I must be an uncommon woman if I am going qualify to be somebody's Ruth.

Giving to others and encouraging others helps lessen my pain. Ruth was known in her community as a good woman who was unselfish. I hope that is how people see me.

I have to step into unfamiliar fields. I have to speak to people I don't know. I have to be brave. It's scary sometimes.

If your Boaz shows true interest, be brave enough to reach back.
I hope I can do this. I am sometimes shy. Also, it feels risky to possibly be rejected. But if Ruth didn't reach for Boaz, her story wouldn't have changed and we wouldn't have known about her legacy.

Some days seem really hard. I have to refocus when my pain is fogging up my hope or vision. Take a bubble bath, play some music, eat a piece of chocolate, spend alone time with Poppa God.

Appreciate the little things and the beauty in each moment or you will completely lose any joy you do have.
Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2014

He Walked Away: How To Overcome Heartache

                                                                                               Previously Written and posted April 2013

I kept waiting night after night for his truck to pull into the driveway. I slept in his t-shirt just to keep his scent near me. My days were blurred in a thick foggy haze. I barely slept, I barely ate, I lost the desire to live. I was truly heartsick. I can still remember my teenage son's voice saying, "Mama...don't you think it's time you slept upstairs in your bed again?" I felt so lost. I told myself he would come back; that somehow his truck had broken down and that he wasn't able to call. I tried to reason with my heart that he wasn't really gone; that he would be back. I was completely heartsick. I never really fully understood what the words meant when someone said their heart was broken. Oh, the sure pain of it -now...so surreal. I don't take those words for granted anymore. I have learned to pray, comfort, listen and hold someone's hand when they say those words. I am so eternally grateful for Poppa God walking me through that difficult time in my life. He truly healed that shattered broken heart, and then He gave me a purpose -even a rare beauty out of what was meant to destroy me. It's been several years now and those memories have faded, but I have not forgotten. What should you do when your heart is broken? Here are some things that helped me through that painful season:

* If someone has left you, don't beg and plead for them to stay or come back. The best advice my grandmother gave me was: "If a man wants to walk, let him walk."  Begging, pleading, crying, manipulating, or pining for them to stay will only prolong your pain and suffering and that of your children. If someone wants to stay they will do it out of their own free will. You can't force someone to love you or to be faithful to you. Love is a choice, so let them choose. I know it hurts. I know you can't imagine your life without them, but you have to let them decide on their own.

* Decide and determine in your heart that you will hold onto God no matter what. It's not His fault that a human you loved disappointed you. Cling to His promise that He will never leave you or forsake you. Cry out to Him. Pray. Choose to read His word, stay in church. Even if you feel like your world is falling apart remember that you are in the palm of His hand and He will carry you. He is closer than a brother and a friend at all times. Let Him hold you and comfort you. He can handle your pain and your tears. Life may not make sense right now but life will get better again. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning.

* Reach out to someone you can trust; a prayer partner, a best friend, a pastor or mentor. Let them know what's going on. A true friend will care and be there for you during difficult times. Don't allow the lies of the enemy to tell you that you have to go through this alone. You need help during this time and it's okay to admit that. Ask others to pray for your strength, peace of mind, healing in your heart to take place.

* Remember to take care of your body. When you go through heartache your overwhelming feelings invade you and you may forget to eat. Your appetite may be completely gone. Choose to at least eat some protein and drink water daily to keep yourself  hydrated.

* Choose to live life. You probably want to stay in bed all day and do absolutely nothing. Force yourself to get up and get out of the house. Go for walks, see a movie with a friend, grab coffee and read the Word. I know it feels like your life is void and empty, but whatever you do, do not stop living. If you were happy before this person came into your life, you can be happy again without them. It will just take time.

* In the moments when you are completely overwhelmed by the grief and surges of feelings, have a friend you can call or text so they can pray for you. Sometimes the pain in your heart will feel like a sneaker tidal wave. You may feel completely like your drowning, but imagine yourself holding onto God's hand. He is right beside you and He will not let you be consumed. He is your anchor during the storm. Allow yourself to feel the pain and remind yourself that these feelings are temporary and they will pass. Breathe.

* Take time to reflect. You can't do a thing about the person who broke your heart, but you can reflect and think about what you could do differently. Listen to God's voice and be honest with yourself. It's a healthy approach to admit your mistakes and to glean wisdom from them. Ask God to show you what was unhealthy about the relationship. The truth sets us free. Don't beat yourself up though and do not condemn yourself. Don't blame yourself for everything either. It takes two people to have a relationship. Everyone has something they can do better and things to work on.

* Determine in your heart that you will forgive the person who hurt you. It doesn't mean you don't feel the pain anymore. It doesn't mean you are letting them off the hook -it means letting God deal with them. It means that you choose to walk in God's love. He can deal with people's hearts better than we can ourselves. I know it hurts. I know you're angry. I know you feel betrayed. It's okay to feel these feelings, but make the decision to forgive them. Ask God to help you in this. God can handle your feelings. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision.

* Do not choose to date or get involved in another romantic relationship until a lengthy time has passed. It's the worst mistake you can make. To start dating while your heart is broken is like walking around with a broken foot on novocaine. When the numbness wears off you will hurt even more. The damage will be greater. A second heartache is worse than first. Trust me -I know. Just because you feel better does not mean you are completely healed and ready for a relationship. Healing of a broken heart takes time. It's a process. God is a gentlemen and He heals our hearts one layer at a time, like an onion. Do yourself and the other person a favor -guard your heart. Get healthy first.

* Do special things for you. You are worth it. Go for walks, exercise, get a pedicure. Pamper yourself. Pamper a girlfriend. Do something kind for a neighbor. Do things that are stress relieving. Comfort yourself by surrounding yourself with good people and good atmosphere. Buy candles. Try a new hobby. Join a choir. Do it for you.

* Remember that tears are part of the process. It doesn't mean you are going backwards. A memory, a song or a smell might trigger feelings of the person who left you. Allow yourself to feel the pain and then move forward. Tears are cleansing, they're part of how God designed us to heal. He cares about you and the tears that fall on your pillow at night. So much that He actually records them in heaven.

* Avoid seeking comfort from places and things that will only temporarily numb your pain. Stay away from alcohol, drugs, sex outside of marriage, online dating services, or people who are a bad influence. All these things may feel good for a while, but your life will end up in destruction. Seek comfort from Jesus, His word, your friends, church, etc. Anything that is good, pure, lovely -think on those things.

* Know and remember that your pain and broken relationship are not your identity. You are lovable. You are a child of God. Nothing you can do can separate you from His unfailing love for you. He loves you right where you're at. Your mess is not who you are. Just because someone stopped loving you does not mean that you are unlovable. That is a huge lie of the enemy to try to destroy your confidence and self esteem.

Praying for you, Dear one. God is with you in this season. Love will bloom again on the branches of your heart. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives. Copyright 2013. All rights reserved. Please feel free to share for encouragement purposes. All scriptures are taken from the  NIV Bible Version.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

 Hebrews 13:5

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Psalm 51:17

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

Love Message For You

I love what I do. I love and value our readers as family members. You are my sisters and brothers. God gave me a passion to help heal and empower women by sharing the wisdom I learned from my own personal mistakes. Through my own journey of overcoming abandonment and heartaches, and to remind them of what their value is as daughters of the Most High God. You are worth more than all the diamonds and rubies in the entire world...Don't ever doubt it. That even with brokenness and ashes, your story does not end. Your life is not over, but just begun. You have a future and a hope! You have a destiny still to fulfill. God's love for you does not waiver one bit. His love is everlasting and His beautiful Grace is sufficient for you. Don't ever let the enemy convince you that because someone doesn't love you or that you aren't lovable anymore. That's a lie. That person just did not see or appreciate the value of who you truly are, but someday someone will. Hold onto God's promises- they are for you. <3 Love, Jenny~ A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013.

Dear Ruth

To the "Ruths" who are waiting for a "Boaz" to walk into your life:
  I remember the day my Mama and I went to a powerful church service at Jesus Pursuit Church in Albany. We we're both going through some painful and difficult times. My heart had been severely broken by my husband of 13 years who walked away from God and his family. The air was thick in the sanctuary. The presence of the Holy Spirit was so sweet. The music was going, and I was lost in worship. This place felt safe. In my heart I leaned against Poppa God on a white horse. I call God Poppa. I have always wanted to be a Daddy's girl, but my real Dad couldn't be there for me. In His presence I felt like I was the only one. I spiritually felt bare and naked with my broken heart exposed, but felt so safe and so warm resting in His arms. After the music and message that were given, my Mama wanted me to go up front to the altar area to be prayed for. I felt shy and awkward about it, but at my Mama's request, I did. She's my hero in so many ways. Anything she asks of me I will do. I was prayed for and given a precious and memorable word. I was told by the prayer lady that God wanted me know it wasn't my fault and that Poppa loved me. He called me His favorite. And at that moment I felt like I truly was. God is so awesome how He does this. We truly are His favorite. Each one of us. After some time I went and kneeled at the altar and cried out to Him. I heard Him say so clearly- I'm sending you a "Boaz". I pondered what He said. I knew it was His voice. I've never really been interested much about the story of Ruth and Boaz. I went to Sunday School as a child and it was never my favorite story, but since then I have studied the book of Ruth. I've listened and gleaned from it and applied it to areas of my life. Have I bumped into my Boaz, Yet? No, but I have learned to be busy about my Father's business. Loving others and working in the fields that God has called me to. I have met so many "Ruths and Naomies" along the way of this healing journey. I have spent the last few years gleaning and sharing wisdom of what a godly woman and wife should be like. Sharing my own journey, being transparent with my readers, praying and standing in the gap for marriages. We have helped soothe some broken hearts. Poppa God has been faithful. I see so many strong women who have been hurt and disappointed; but their faith shines like the sun and I am so privileged and blessed to know them. The story of Ruth is about redemption. Poppa God covers us with His love and redeems us from our painful past. He celebrates us as the Bride of Christ. He provides for us single mamas and is a Husband when we need one. He is also a Father to the fatherless. He is all that we have need of. I've learned to let go of searching for the affections of a man, and to put my broken bleeding heart into the hands of the Almighty. There, I know it will always be protected and safe. I have come so far, and I feel so grateful that I'm no longer broken or dismayed. He has given me purpose -given me a message that burns on my heart to share. Keep trusting God, Keep walking in faith, and do what God has called you to -and when the time is right, your "Boaz" will see you from across the field.   Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives/A Modern Day Ruth. Copyright 2013.

Life Should Be The Big Box Of Crayons

Yesterday was one of the worst days as a single mom. (Just being real). I was searching through the aisles at Walmart, trying to find the items for my 3 daughters' school supplies. The list was too long, and there wasn't enough money....not by half. I was surrounded by so many other last minute shoppers and thinking to myself,  "How I wish I could have their life instead of mine." Over the frustration and mounting stress, I started to have an emotional meltdown. My Teenage daughter desired a curling iron, and I simply couldn't buy it. For some reason I could not find the college ruled paper which was on the list. My heart and mind were beyond the limit of what I could take. I found myself slightly hidden away in the back of the store and persistent tears started to fall. I just couldn't take one more moment of not being able to provide what my baby girls needed and especially what they desired. They rarely complain, and they go without all the time. My heart ached that I couldn't buy them the clothes they need. Life feels so exhausting as a single mom. I work so hard, but it feels like I never get ahead. I felt so alone, so hurt, so ignored, so much a failure, and then I saw this huge box of Crayola crayons...120 count. I love the big boxes. I always did as a child. It was $6.70 for it. I stopped and stared at that box. I thought to myself, "This is how life should be -the whole big box."  Every beautiful color, every opportunity, every beautiful  picture you could draw. Oh, I wish. I seriously contemplated putting something else back so I could buy those crayons, but I knew it would be impractical and that there were other needs. Everything in me wanted to purchase that box, but I walked away telling myself that someday I will have many....many crayons. "God, Please help me. You said you would be my husband. You said you would be a father to my children. Please help me to Renew my hope when it seems to fade. Give me strength for another day. Help me to believe life will get better. Send us love. The kind that lets us know that we will never have to be afraid of being abandoned or hurt again. Wipe our tears of disappointment. Please help all the "Ruths" who are struggling and working in the field. Bless them and keep them and cause your face to shine upon them and please be gracious to them....To all of us Ruths." Amen written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013

Praise Like Perfume

   One unique thing about me that I am openly sharing with you is my most special and sacred time: singing to Poppa God. I have done this since I was probably about 2 or 3 years old. I used to stand on the old fashioned upright vacuum cleaner and use the handle as a microphone. I was very aware and sensitive to the Holy Spirit even as a baby. My Momma once told me that I would listen intently to my grandmother's piano playing. I would have a look on my face. The Holy Spirit was touching me. Through the years I have sung spontaneous love songs to the Lord, mostly during my bath times. You can say I am truly a "psalmist" at heart. I have always easily related  myself to King David in the Bible. My favorite book happens to be the Psalms. Music flows through me just like blood does. I sing to the Holy Spirit and He sings back to me. Sometimes in my prayer language. There's something about praise that ushers us into His secret place, His pavilion, His favorite places. I have gone through great times of despair and heartache -times when I had no song to sing because my heart was so sick from brokenness. To not be able to sing was deeply painful to me. God knows our hearts and He knows our desires to please and worship Him. I am so grateful He brought me through the long dark night of my soul and filled me with new songs again. My prayer anointed grandmother passed onto me the mantle of intercession. I honor her for this. She was an incredible mighty woman of God, but even with prayer time and battling warfare, there are times when I boldly just sing out His praises. The enemy hates this. Remember that the Israelites would have the worshipers be on front lines of the battlefield. The Bible says, (Psalm 96:1) Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. I share this to encourage you. Some days during this journey of being a "Ruth" you won't feel like doing anything. Your emotions may feel  all-consuming. Sing out a love song to Jesus anyway. Lift up your praises before Him. Minister to His heart and bless Him with your voice lifted high. He does not care if you sing beautifully, He cares about the beautiful heart that wants to touch Him; bless Him, pour out your fragrant perfume upon His feet. I have discovered the most beautiful treasures by singing in the spirit. No demon in hell can interfere with your love song to Him, unless you don't open your mouth. Praise is powerful, I tell you. My bubble bath's with the Holy Spirit are amazing. When you are walking the road of faith, when you're in the field working where you are assigned, sing out a love song. Sing in the Spirit. Make an eternal love song just for Him. This pleases Him. God favored David because he had a heart after God's heart. I love the lyrics to the worship song (Pour My Love On You by Phillips, Craig & Dean,) "If Praise is like perfume I'll lavish mine on you. Until every drop is gone. I'll pour my oil on you...". Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives/ A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2013 <3

A Wise And Godly Woman Knows

 

Dear Woman of God,

Through my various trials and times of walking through my "stupid phase" of dating and broken relationships, I learned a few things and gleaned some valuable wisdom. I would love to share them with you to spare you any unnecessary pain, and also prevent you from wasting your precious time.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he isn't answering his phone or your text messages, emails, etc., he's just not that into you. Let him go. Stop waiting for that phone to ring.

A wise and godly woman knows that if you have to show off your cleavage and breasts to get his attention, he is not the one. Your heart and character should be what makes you attractive to him. Not your butt, breasts, hips, etc. If you dress like trash you will be treated like trash.

 A wise and godly woman knows that if he you have to beg him to spend time with you and your kids, he's not the one. A man who really loves you will make room in his schedule for you and your children.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he doesn't have respect for you, your parents, his own parents or people in authority, he's not the one. A good man will respect and treat his family and people in authority honorably. He will honor his parents so that it will go well with him all his days.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he is leading you away from God, he is not the right one. A good man will lead you closer to the Lord. He will attend church with you, read the word, worship God on a daily basis. His conduct and actions will reflect his relationship with God. He will inspire you to grow spiritually.

A wise and godly woman knows that she can't make him be ready to be husband material. He either is or isn't. Don't waste your time trying to change him. No amount of sweetness on your part can make him be a righteous man.

A wise and godly woman knows that a godly man will respect your body and your boundaries. He will not try to take away your purity or God given privilege of sex without marrying you first. He won't pressure you to compromise. If he can't wait, then he's not the one.

A wise and godly woman knows that if your relationship has to be in hiding or in secret, then it's not real love. Nothing should be hidden in the dark, but be in the light.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he lies to you and he is deceptive about things, he will lie again. Don't expect him to tell the truth. You will be on a continuous carousel cycle....Going around and around. Get off the ride, Darling.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he really loves you he will not try to change or control you. He will appreciate your differences and promote your strengths. He will celebrate you for who you are.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he's hit you once or even threatened to raise a hand to you- He's not the one. One time of violence is too many times. His anger issues will not just disappear. Run and don't ever look back. A godly man would never threaten or try to harm you. He will only protect you.

A wise and godly woman knows that just because he has some good qualities, it does not mean he's meant to be your life partner. What he is now is what he will be later, even after you walk down the aisle. Marriage does not change his heart or character. You deserve the whole package. Don't settle because you are lonely.

A wise and godly woman knows that being unequally yoked does not just mean not sharing the same faith. It also means you both need compatible dreams, goals, vision, and callings. It means being on the same page concerning your destiny. Just because he is a Christian does not mean you should be united as one. A house divided cannot stand.

A wise and godly woman knows that his words are nothing unless he can back them up with his actions. Words and actions go together and must be consistent. Flattering words do not mean he will treat you well. Out of the abundance of the heart, a mouth will speak. Take notice, because there also will be proof behind the words he says. Don't ever forget that.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he can't keep a job, balance his account, pay his bills, and be wise with his money and spending, it's not a good situation to be in. A godly man will pay his tithes and offerings and trust God with his money. If he doesn't do this consistently, he's not the one. You deserve to be provided and cared for.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he has addictions (smoking, drinking, gambling, pornography, sex, etc.) no amount of love from you can overcome the heaviness and weight of his chains. Your life will be a living hell, as you will be chained to his sins. He is not the one. You can't deliver him. Only God can, and then only if he makes the decision for himself.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he has cheated before, he most likely will again. If he's cheating with you, then he will cheat on you. Adultery does not make a marriage or a God blessed relationship.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he really loves you, he will protect you, provide for you, cherish you, lead you, comfort you, celebrate you, and appreciate you. He will make you feel safe. He will honor you.  If something is lacking in any of these areas, he's not the one.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he can't embrace and love your children, he's not the one. A godly man will see you and your children as a blessing, not an inconvenience. You are a package deal. You and your kids are precious cargo. Never compromise your children for romance. A godly man would not expect you to.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he's not striving, growing, making goals, reaching for dreams, or moving forward, your life together is going to be stagnant, boring and full of frustrations. Without vision, people perish.

A wise and godly woman knows that her dreams, her goals, and her aspirations will matter to the one who truly loves her. He will believe in you, support, and encourage you in your dreams. He will speak life into your destiny.

A wise and godly woman knows that love should not hurt too much. It should not be taking away your peace, your joy, you self confidence or your spirit. If you feel worse in his presence, and feel like you can never measure up, then he is not the one. Run...run fast! You deserve better. Love should add to your life. Not take away.

A wise and godly woman knows that he should be growing spiritually on his own. He should be able to maintain his personal relationship with God. His life and his decisions should be based on the Word and character of God -even when the church doors are closed. There should be fruit in his life. You will know a believer by their fruits.

A wise and godly woman knows that a godly man should always treat her like a lady. He should open the car door, let you enter first when walking into a building, pull out your chair, pay for dinner, be respectful and have manners with you at all times. He should never use profanity in your presence or call you names that are hurtful. If you expect to be treated like a lady, then you will be. If not, he's not the one.

A wise and godly woman knows that a godly man will be honest about his intentions toward you. He will not play childish mind games or lead you along if he has no true interest in commitment. If he wants to be in your life, he will be consistent. You won't have to beg him for his attention or his physical presence in your life.

A wise and godly woman knows that she should let a man know what she expects of him in a relationship. She is honest and forthcoming, and doesn't take advantage of his generosity. She will respect him and honor him -both publicly and privately. She will desire to be a blessing every day of his life. If you can't do this with him, then you are not the right one for him. He deserves your best.

A wise and godly woman knows that God's chosen best is worth waiting for. Trying to mold a man into the box of what you desire in a mate is cruel and unfair to any man. Wait on God, and don't settle for less than His best for you.

A wise and godly woman knows that the way you treat him and make him feel in your presence is what he will remember -more than the dress or shoes you wore.

A wise and godly woman knows that respect starts with herself, her standards, her expectations, and her priorities. It starts with her and she should let a man know up front how she expects to be treated. A good man will respect you and honor you for this.  All these things should be based and founded by the word of God.

A wise and godly woman knows that he should appreciate and respect your body the way it is. If he's asking you to change your size, dye your hair, etc., he doesn't love you for you. However I do feel a godly woman should strive to maintain her health, exercise and eat responsibly. A good man will see you as beautiful just the way you are on fabulous days and frump girl days. Your beauty will be enough just the way you are.

A wise and godly woman knows that if he says he's not ready  for or desiring marriage, and he isn't looking for a commitment, be wise and don't waste your life waiting for him to change his mind.  If he already sees you as his wife, he won't need to be convinced.

A wise and godly woman knows that if you keep circling a bush about the same problems with him, guess what? You are going to keep circling around that bush. A healthy relationship can deal with and solve problems together. If you are still fighting about the same thing, it's going to remain that way when you are married.

A wise and godly woman knows that a godly man will seek after God's will concerning your relationship. Your love will be Christ centered. Your decisions and the direction of your relationship will be accomplished with united prayer and seeking God's word and His plan. This is a spiritual leader. The way he leads you before marriage matters.

A wise and godly woman knows that a godly man will not walk out and abandon you. He won't be leaving when there are obstacles or struggles. He will face challenges with you. He won't be disappearing and reappearing. You are not a yo-yo. Your heart is precious and he should handle it gently and honorably. Not be stringing you back and forth.

A wise and godly woman knows that no amount of your love, sweetness, etc. can change a bad boy. Only God can change him- if and when he makes his decision for God. Wasting your heart, tears, time, and dreams on a bad boy is a BAD choice. You are God's daughter, and you deserve better than that. ~ Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth/Ruby Wives. Copyright August 9th 2013.
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