The Process

The process of becoming a queen is different than that of a princess. The more the Lord entrusts us with, the more He requires of us. I feel like I have been hidden away in a secret place being prepared for something greater than my understanding can conceive of. It's funny that when I was a little girl I wanted to be Queen Esther for a costume party. Other kids were monsters, cartoon characters or super heroes. No one knew who I was, but I would blurt out, "I'm Queen Esther!" My life has been far from royalty. I have lived a hard life, but through it all, I think my destiny has been whispering through every heartache and every hardship. He's preparing me for the dream He wants to fulfill in me. The past several months have been a painful, but a necessary time of refinement. He won't let me ignore certain areas anymore. I felt such struggle and even disappointment in myself. I felt like nothing but "ugly" was coming out of me. I told the Lord I felt so ugly because my weaknesses were coming to the surface, but He spoke so clearly, "You asked me to make you more beautiful. This is what I am doing."  He has been washing off the residue of the pain and hurts I have endured from past relationships. The old labels and recordings of harsh words that were spoken over me. The abuse...and trauma. The best part of this process has been bathing in His sweet presence. There's nothing like spending time with the Holy Spirit. Singing to Him -worshiping at the feet of the King. His fragrance is what I want to smell like. <3  I want to savor it. These 21 days of fasting have been challenging. At times I failed miserably -especially during the week of having a persistent fever, but the moments I had with Him were amazing. I long for more. Whatever God is doing in you, don't be hard on yourself. You are lovely. There is "Greatness" in you. He is preparing you for the next season -for such a time as this. ~ Love, Jenny. A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013.  All rights reserved.

He's Making Me Beautiful

 

Someone told me today that I was beautiful, but I didn't feel like it. My hair was wet and drippy and I had no makeup on. I've been feeling a bit tired and weary from the journey. Maybe they saw something I don't. The truth is, it's a littl...e hard to believe someone when they say that about me. I think it's because men who have told me this- have hurt me and abandoned me. My Daddy didn't give me compliments much when I was growing up. I feel shy when someone gives me a compliment, although now I am gracious and thank them as a lady should. I love to tell others -especially little girls. I never want one to feel lowly or unlovely. I always tell my teenage daughters all the time. I wrote a piece like this a while back, but wrote a new one since I couldn't find it. Maybe I needed the reminder myself. Just because there are areas God is working on, doesn't mean the work in progress isn't beautiful.

I feel beautiful when:

When I'm lost in worship and His presence.
When I smile at a stranger.
When I sing a love song to Poppa God.
When I am twirling in the rain or snow.
When I am smelling roses.
When I know I have made a difference in someone's life.
When I wear dresses and heels. And be my girly girl self.
When I see sunsets and feel gratefulness in my heart.
When I go on walks with Poppa God in the cool of the night.
When I wear my favorite perfume. People say I smell so good.
When I hear ocean waves and smell the salty air.
When I'm lost in a warm conversation that has caught my attention.
When I run through crunchy leaves in the fall.
When I'm proud of my children...Their precious lives makes me beautiful.
When I know I'm glowing from the inside out.
When I listen to a song that my heart relates to.
When a child comes up to me and wraps their little hands around me.
When the wind blows across my face...I take those moments as Poppa God kissing me.
When my heart is tender during a beautiful moment.
Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2013 All rights reserved.  A Modern Day Ruth

— with Jenny Williams.

In His Chambers

It's been 4 days since I and many other women have started a season of prayer and fasting. I was hesitant at first to announce and commit to 21 days. There's so much more pressure to lead a fast than just participate, but I felt God nudge my heart, and so here I am. I have no regrets because I see women really being touched. The last 4 days have been so wonderful. Besides the struggle of being hungry, everything else has been smooth and easy. I thought I was going to have to pound the doors of heaven, but what I've come to realize, is that He has been waiting for me. He has been seeking me out and lavishing Himself upon me with His love. I feel so blessed, so humbled and so enthralled that He would do this. Thank You, Poppa God. I adore you. For the past couple of days He has been continually saying, "What do you want? What do you desire? Tell me." I know He already knows, but He has me in a place of trusting Him with my heart's desires. For me it's not about telling Him. It's about trusting Him. Being a "Ruth" has not been easy. I have been hurt and abandoned. I have had dreams dashed to the ground and burnt up into ashes. I had to come from a place I knew, to walking a desolate road of tears and sorrows. It's been a long journey, but now I am no longer broken. I am no longer longing for what I lost. It  has been a time of trusting as I have had to move forward -forward toward destiny. He has had me working in a field I didn't know I would be assigned to, gleaning wisdom from my past mistakes and sharing it with others who are hurting too. God has been so good. He has been so faithful.
  Today, as I met with the Holy Spirit in my new Secret Place, He told me to be still and to just let Him love on me. The wind began to blow through the trees and my hair. His sweet kisses on my face. Leaves and acorns were falling down and all around me. He told me that I am to just lay my worries and fears aside outside the door of my King's Chambers....Why? Because in the "Secret Place" He just wants my full attention. His presence and love demands this. He wants to lavish Himself upon me. How beautiful and so surreal is this? That when we come to our lover, we don't talk about stresses of the day or worries. No, we let our lover ravish us. We get lost in that moment of making love to each other, and how much more so should it be with our King. We come before Him and focus our attention on His gaze and His great love for us. I hear Him say, "Come, Daughter. I want to love on you." I think of Queen Esther and that one night with the King. She had to let go of her insecurities and fears and be open to him. This was her chance to make that first impression -to make her time with him count. Oh, that we would make our precious intimate time with our King count. May our hearts impress His with our willingness to be loved and to love on Him back. How lovely. How beautiful... How precious is the Holy Spirit. He wants to lavish Himself on you.

"My beloved spoke and said to me,
    “Arise, my darling,
    my beautiful one, come with me."  Song of Songs 2:10 NIV

Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013

Praise Like Perfume

   One unique thing about me that I am openly sharing with you is my most special and sacred time: singing to Poppa God. I have done this since I was probably about 2 or 3 years old. I used to stand on the old fashioned upright vacuum cleaner and use the handle as a microphone. I was very aware and sensitive to the Holy Spirit even as a baby. My Momma once told me that I would listen intently to my grandmother's piano playing. I would have a look on my face. The Holy Spirit was touching me. Through the years I have sung spontaneous love songs to the Lord, mostly during my bath times. You can say I am truly a "psalmist" at heart. I have always easily related  myself to King David in the Bible. My favorite book happens to be the Psalms. Music flows through me just like blood does. I sing to the Holy Spirit and He sings back to me. Sometimes in my prayer language. There's something about praise that ushers us into His secret place, His pavilion, His favorite places. I have gone through great times of despair and heartache -times when I had no song to sing because my heart was so sick from brokenness. To not be able to sing was deeply painful to me. God knows our hearts and He knows our desires to please and worship Him. I am so grateful He brought me through the long dark night of my soul and filled me with new songs again. My prayer anointed grandmother passed onto me the mantle of intercession. I honor her for this. She was an incredible mighty woman of God, but even with prayer time and battling warfare, there are times when I boldly just sing out His praises. The enemy hates this. Remember that the Israelites would have the worshipers be on front lines of the battlefield. The Bible says, (Psalm 96:1) Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. I share this to encourage you. Some days during this journey of being a "Ruth" you won't feel like doing anything. Your emotions may feel  all-consuming. Sing out a love song to Jesus anyway. Lift up your praises before Him. Minister to His heart and bless Him with your voice lifted high. He does not care if you sing beautifully, He cares about the beautiful heart that wants to touch Him; bless Him, pour out your fragrant perfume upon His feet. I have discovered the most beautiful treasures by singing in the spirit. No demon in hell can interfere with your love song to Him, unless you don't open your mouth. Praise is powerful, I tell you. My bubble bath's with the Holy Spirit are amazing. When you are walking the road of faith, when you're in the field working where you are assigned, sing out a love song. Sing in the Spirit. Make an eternal love song just for Him. This pleases Him. God favored David because he had a heart after God's heart. I love the lyrics to the worship song (Pour My Love On You by Phillips, Craig & Dean,) "If Praise is like perfume I'll lavish mine on you. Until every drop is gone. I'll pour my oil on you...". Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives/ A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2013 <3