Heart of a Queen

Dear Poppa God, I pray for a heart of nobility like Queen Esther, who knew her purpose, the hour she lived in, and how to touch the heart of a King. I pray to be like Abigail, who understood how to show respect and build a man's confidence up with her words and actions. She was wise. I pray to be like Deborah, who knew how to dance and praise you even in the midst of difficult circumstances. I desire to be like Rachel, who had a servant's heart. I long to be like the Shulamite woman, who was a great lover and the "favorite" of the King. I desire character and perseverance like Hannah, who pursued what she longed for and did not give up. I want to be like Ruth, who was faithful and loyal and considered a noble woman who captivated the heart of a kinsmen redeemer and received blessings. I want to be found highly favored like Mary, whose calling impacted the entire world. Make me and mold me to be a woman after your heart Oh, God...a woman of virtue, wisdom, and grace; a woman who walks in her destiny and purpose, a woman who is remembered long after I am gone -that I leave a lasting legacy. In Jesus' name, Amen  ~ Love, Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2012, 2013

From Me To You

When I share and write about A Modern Day Ruth, it's because I'm living it. At first, to be honest, I didn't want to be walking the role of a Ruth. I wanted the "happy" part -the part when a Boaz sweeps in and everything is "happy ever after," but I discovered that I had to embrace it, learn from it, walk in it, and teach it. This is my assignment until He says otherwise. I share the real, the raw, and sometimes the not so pretty parts about being a Ruth. Preparation is being established in our lives. Pain becomes our beauty when we let it transform us from the inside out. I have found a strength I never knew I had. Poppa God is there with us every step of the way. It's only when we look at our pain, suffering, and disappointments that we seem to not see Him; but I hear Him say, "Baby Girl...I'm with you, just trust Me." I was told by someone who didn't even know me that If I trust God, He would take me into the greatest season I have ever known. I am already seeing the beauty when I look at the lives of those around me who are encouraged. To God be the Glory! Our stories become testimonies of His faithfulness. Don't let this time convince you that there is no purpose or joy coming. It's His promise. Ruth's love story is an example of it. Written By Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2014

Her Afternoon Love Song

You are precious to me...Holy Spirit.

You are precious to me...Like the afternoon sun on a lake, shining.

Like the sunset of colors...You seduce me with Your love.

Nothing on this earth could compare or satisfy.

I'm intoxicated by your loveliness. Your fragrance is sweet to me.

You have stamped your name on my fragile heart

Pouring Your wax over me and sealing your love song within.

I never knew I could ever be so this in love.

You have captivated me with Your holy fire.

You have captured me by Your goodness and mercy.

You are precious to me...Holy Spirit.

You are precious to me...Like thousands of glimmering diamonds.

Your brilliance blinds me...You take me away with Your love.

Jesus, Lover of my soul. Nothing else satisfies like You. <3

~ Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2014

She Can

I feel like I have been this caterpillar that has been hidden in dark places for a long time. It was a place of transformation, a place of change in my heart and life. God has been gently working on me. At times I felt like giving up because it was so dark, so lonely, and so confining. I wrestled with destiny and my dreams. I had to let go of relationships that were unhealthy or dead. I had to shed the false words and labels people put on me...people who were jealous or just misunderstood me. They couldn't understand my tears, my pain or frustrations. I felt so stuck. I felt so depressed and worried that my life was always going to be dark and lonely. In this dark space where I have been dwelling, I have been clinging to His word and promises, at times feeling so silly and awkward that I was proclaiming all these things that did not mirror my current situation, or feeling like I'm never going to be loved passionately again, and telling that devil "NO" -that this strange gal was worth anything to anyone. At night my head would be spinning, but Poppa God Himself would not let me give up on my dreams or what He promised. I wriggled out of my old broken, abandoned, and rejected self and I am now different. Some people can accept the new me -the one who is walking in the fulfillment and purpose God has for me. Others cheer me on. I had to let my ears fall and deafen to any sounds of negativity, of people who criticize and like to see me fail. I chose the positive Word of God over poison from the enemy. It's been a little cramped in this holding tank...this cocoon of transformation. I feel restless and I am starting to see my wings emerging. What is this? It's not familiar, but I feel stronger. I'm a bit scared, but I know it's time to fly and soar. These wings will take me places, new places, new doors, new connections, new lovely and pleasant places; and I can rest when I need to. I can move to where I need to go. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can scale walls. I can speak to mountains that are in front of me. I can step on the necks of my enemies. My fears, doubts, and disbelief...I can crush them under my feet. His peace is upon me. How lovely are the feet of those who bring good news. I am cherished. I am loved deeply. I am accepted. I am favored and I am blessed. She got her wings....and now she can fly. ~ Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2014

Kaleidoscope

I wrote this in 2011...It was during one of the most painful heartaches of my life. I was once again left alone and rejected. As I read these words, I could see the pain through every word, but even in the middle of great loss and depression- even then I knew Poppa God was with me. I'm so grateful I'm no longer in that darkness and pain. God really does heal our brokenness and brings purpose and hope again. I'm so in love...in love with God because of the journey He has brought me through. I'm in love with the life He is unfolding before me. It's beautiful.

I look through the kaleidoscope of my emotions, crashing down in colors of pain.

The looking glass is dark and murky-

I can't seem to find my way

The windshield of my future is fogged up

by countless tears that fall like endless rain.



Desperately, I cling closely to You

Blindly, I find I'm in a meadow of dark shadow

I realize we're swaying quietly and real slow

But I can't hear the music or the meaning of its beat

Just the sound of my heart bleeding out

into deep pools and puddles at my feet.



The air is misty and grey,

The vapors of my broken dreams rising -they are no more

Strangely I feel this meadow is somehow safe

And I hear You whisper my name.

Written By Jenny Williams , A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2014, 2011

I Hear The Sound Of Heaven

Prophetic word:

Get up out of your ash heap
Rise up and dust yourself off
You have mourned enough over what you lost
You have become too comfortable
sitting in your misery and tears.

I hear the sound of heaven
The sounds of laughter and rejoicing
being sung out over you.

I smell the perfume of Heaven
being poured out over you
The anointing oil clinging to you

There was a time when Job
finally got up out of his ashes
and so must you
have the will to see better days
and the promise of His restoring

Let the rains of heaven wash
away the ashen smudges
of your yesterdays
No more looking at yourself
in your burnt up ruins and dreams

I hear the sound of singing and laughing
It's time to rejoice in Him
For He was faithful-
He did not let you die
He did not let you be destroyed
and you became stronger within.

He's singing His love song over you
Smell His fragrance dripping all over you
Clap and sing
HIS beauty is being revealed
It's a new day for you -brand new!!!!

Pamper Yourself

Being a single mom or recently divorced can be a rough time. You really need to allow yourself comfort and pampering. Don't wait for a man or someone else to do it. All women should value themselves and realize that it's healthy, not selfish, to take some time out to relieve stress. Here are a few ideas I do...Some are even free. :) 


1. Candles: I buy them just like I do milk and bread. They're a staple in my house. Light candles...fragrant ones can cozy up a room quickly. I use them daily for prayer and whenever I just need to relax. Cheap therapy :)

2. Baths: If you don't have luxury bath gels and bubbles, use several drops of vanilla extract from your bakers cupboard in the kitchen. I use cinnamon too. :) It smells yummy. Want to soften your skin? Use baking soda in your water. Make homemade scrubs for your face. Use sugar, vanilla, rock salt, honey...Your face will glow. Want a facial mask? Use part of a can of pumpkin pie filling and fragrant spices. Heavenly :) Have no bubbles? Use a little dish soap or shampoo...I have tried just about everything.

3. Turn on Norah Jones or smoky jazz or old classic love songs: Sinatra, Etta James, Louie Armstrong....Who can be in a bad mood when they are singing? 

4. Buy a new red lipstick and wear it :) Sometimes a little something just makes a girly girl feel good.

5. Go on a walk and talk to God. I do this and have the best times with the Lord.

6. Watch "It's A Wonderful Life"....My favorite Christmas Movie. You can't be depressed when watching this one.

7. Cheer someone else up...This always makes me feel happy. <3 Those who need to be encouraged are usually the best encouragers. I have found this to be so true.

8. Save gourmet chocolate and eat one piece when you need a little sweetness. You are worth it.

9. Tell your kids that you need a good hug. Let them know...A hug from a kid or elderly person is amazing.

10. Light a fire in the fireplace...I love looking at the flames. Wear fuzzy socks. :)

11. The English have it right...make a cup of tea and sip it slowly. It's so relaxing.

12. Do what you love....What's your creative outlet? I love to paint, write, sing, take photos, make homemade gifts for loved ones... Do something that expresses your feelings.

13. Bless a neighbor with homemade soup or some cut flowers. The elderly really appreciate your thoughtfulness. When you bless others, you bless yourself.

14. Paint your nails. Pink...Feminine and dainty, Hot pink is flirty..Red makes you feel passionate and sexy. Plum or burgundy is mysterious. I sometimes break down and pay for a pedicure... It's worth every penny. I love the massage and having someone make my feet cute.

15. Go for a drive. There's something about the motion of a car or plane that just puts me in a subdued and thoughtful mood. I usually day dream and get my downloads and ideas while traveling.

16. Pet and talk to animals. My kitty makes me feel good. Animals are easy to talk to and they don't judge like humans do. I love horses...Feeding them apples. They're beautiful. Go to a pet store. They make you smile.

17. Wear jammies and snuggle up with the kids. Watch a family movie together. Mine are almost grown, so they don't do this much, but I savor it when the kids are all in one room with me. They grow up so fast and soon they are gone.

18. Go out to dinner -a sit down dinner. Sometimes you just need to be waited on and not have to take care of everyone. Dress up. Put some makeup on. Wear heels. Feel good being a woman. Invite another single mom or friend. She probably needs a night out too.

19. Go bowling. When I'm upset it feels so good to get a strike. Knocking those pins down -it feels so good.

20. Eat dessert. Life's too short to not enjoy the little things. Life should be sweet no matter what.

21. Watch a sunset...It's free...It's relaxing and it always makes me feel grateful. Don't ever take sunsets for granted. God's showcase happens everyday...He paints the sky so beautifully. Thank Him for what He has given you.

22. Dance in your kitchen...I do this sometimes. I may look like a fool...but I feel good. :)

23. Go to the gym or do some form of exercise. I feel so amazing after a sweaty workout. Those endorphins are amazing. I feel sexy, beautiful and alive. Best therapy ever!!!

24. Look back at how far you have come. Pat yourself on the back. Tell yourself in the mirror that you are strong, beautiful, sexy, intelligent, gifted, a problem solver, a talented woman...etc. Don't wait for a compliment to come. You are worth being loved now. You are gorgeous, Darling.

25. Go to a beautiful place...A cozy café, a restaurant with pretty lighting, a lovely store...Any place that makes you feel special and inspired. I have a favorite jazz place where I like to go. The atmosphere is charming, the lighting, the music, the food...Great place. :)

Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013

Dear Future Boaz, I will Love You For A Thousand Years

Every part of this song relates to me on this journey -being afraid, all the healing, all the times of trying to be brave, and now the waiting -which seems like I have waited a thousand years. I've been letting Poppa God cut off the dead things in my life that were no longer needed. I can't wait to tell this to someone someday: "Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years....I'll love you for a thousand more. All along I have believed that I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me for a thousand years...I will love you for a thousand more."
I'm sure Ruth felt like this when she met her Boaz. Like she was finally "home" again. If I ever walk down that aisle, it just might have to be to this song...~ Written By Ms.Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth 

Song: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

http://youtu.be/ffkawkZFYtA

The Process

The process of becoming a queen is different than that of a princess. The more the Lord entrusts us with, the more He requires of us. I feel like I have been hidden away in a secret place being prepared for something greater than my understanding can conceive of. It's funny that when I was a little girl I wanted to be Queen Esther for a costume party. Other kids were monsters, cartoon characters or super heroes. No one knew who I was, but I would blurt out, "I'm Queen Esther!" My life has been far from royalty. I have lived a hard life, but through it all, I think my destiny has been whispering through every heartache and every hardship. He's preparing me for the dream He wants to fulfill in me. The past several months have been a painful, but a necessary time of refinement. He won't let me ignore certain areas anymore. I felt such struggle and even disappointment in myself. I felt like nothing but "ugly" was coming out of me. I told the Lord I felt so ugly because my weaknesses were coming to the surface, but He spoke so clearly, "You asked me to make you more beautiful. This is what I am doing."  He has been washing off the residue of the pain and hurts I have endured from past relationships. The old labels and recordings of harsh words that were spoken over me. The abuse...and trauma. The best part of this process has been bathing in His sweet presence. There's nothing like spending time with the Holy Spirit. Singing to Him -worshiping at the feet of the King. His fragrance is what I want to smell like. <3  I want to savor it. These 21 days of fasting have been challenging. At times I failed miserably -especially during the week of having a persistent fever, but the moments I had with Him were amazing. I long for more. Whatever God is doing in you, don't be hard on yourself. You are lovely. There is "Greatness" in you. He is preparing you for the next season -for such a time as this. ~ Love, Jenny. A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013.  All rights reserved.

I Feel So Beautiful When:

I feel beautiful when...
(I found it !!!! A writing of mine from a while back. This makes me smile... I'm still this woman but only better...Poppa God is so good ! )
I feel Beautiful When:
I'm lost in worship and everything else fades away.
I sing in the Spirit private love songs to God.
I am walking barefoot on the seashore, the waves lapping at my ankles.
I see a sunset. My heart sings even if my lips don't move.
I hold a baby to my chest and kiss her chubby cheeks.
I am painting on a canvas.
I laugh loudly and freely.
I am in a silly and quirky mood.
I wear my favorite perfume.
I listen to jazz or Frank Sinatra.
I twirl around when snow is falling.
I preach with boldness and authority.
I wear high heels.
I smile at a stranger and I know it brightened their day.
I am touched deeply and a tear slips down my face.
I hear my Daddy say he loves me.
I receive red roses. Oh, I love them.
I walk in the cool of the night and smell the fragrances in the air.
I know for certain that I've made a difference in someone's life.
I have a scripture that leaps within me and it's alive. Wow.
I sit at a beautiful place and the lighting is just right.
I am engaged in a warm and stimulating conversation.
I have found another treasure -a good piece of wisdom to hold.
I hear Poppa God whisper "Baby girl" to me.
I am kissed on the forehead.
I know I am glowing from the inside out.
I am complimented about my heart.
I finished a workout at the gym. I did it.
I have my feet up on the dash of a truck listening to country tunes.
I know I am a Daughter of the MOST HIGH. His presence makes me feel so beautiful.
Don't forget YOU are BEAUTIFUL TOO! PLEASE POST BELOW WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL.
Written By Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2012 All rights reserved.
Ruby Wives and A Modern Day Ruth

— with Jenny Williams.

Just a Little Something

I wrote this because it's how I feel. It's not that I don't want to be loved, it's that I do want it...real love.

There are no lies when there is love. When there is only truth, there is trust. You are safe with the one you love. Perfect love casts out all fear. This is what I want. I want that kind of love. ~ By Jenny Williams Ruby Wives Copyright 2013.

To The One (Dear Daughter)

To the one who woke up and her heart still feels heavy 

-she thought her nightmare would finally turn to sweet dreams.

To the one who has known so many tears 

-she feels her soul is like waterfalls.

To the one who can't believe she is getting back up again after feeling like she has failed once more.

To the one who wishes her Daddy would have held her, hugged her, and told her she was beautiful when she was a little girl.

To the one who never feels like she fits in the crowd, and wonders what is wrong with her.

To the one who feels like she isn't good enough, strong enough, pretty enough.

To the one who just wants to be held and her arms ache for warmth and tender loving care.

To the one who feels betrayed and forgotten and feels no one cares.

To the one who has seen nothing but ashes and broken dreams

and is afraid to even begin to dream again.

To the one who feels misunderstood and judged by others about her circumstances.

To the one who can't see sunshine, rainbows or silver linings because the night has been so long for her.

To the one who feels every step forward is so difficult and a struggle  

-she feels weary from her travels.

To the one who feels lost and can't find her way 

-she doesn't know what to do and where to go.

To the one who has deep wounds that don't seem to heal fast enough.

To the one who has to be the provider, the Momma and the Daddy 

-she just wants to be taken care of too.

To the one who has cried out and prayed and still doesn't see the answers come.

To the one who is so lonely and wants to trust for love again. 

Oh, To be loved.

To the one who wants to trust but is afraid of being hurt again.

To the one who wants attention and affection 

-she wants to be cherished and feel valued.

To the one who wants to end her life because she desperately wants to find relief from all of this

...hold on...don't do it....

To the one who is working so hard, but it just never seems to be enough.

To the one who has experienced enough pain and trauma to last a lifetime 

-she just wants peace and safety again.

To the one who just wants to feel pampered, loved and celebrated.

To the one who just wants to feel beautiful again 

-she feels her tiredness, weariness and scars are all others see.

To the one who feels like it's all her fault 

-she feels so ashamed, dirty, and used.

To the one who needs to hear that she matters and that she is not forgotten.

To the one who is about to give up in believing for better.

To the one who wishes she was someone's favorite 

-she wants to be the special one.

To the one who feels so lowly she doesn't think she can achieve or accomplish anything 

-she just might fail.

To the one who wonders if she is even lovable....

To the one who has been told she would never amount to anything.

To the one who has been abandoned so many times that she's afraid to be left by everyone 

-she's so scared.

Dear One...God sees you. He hears you. He is with you. He is near you. He cries with you. He knows your tears and feels your pain. He loves you for who you are and where you are at. He has a love for you that does not end, despite all the circumstances and mess you feel you are in. He does not condemn you. He does not judge you. He does not forget you. He is your arms to lean on. He is strong enough to carry you and your burdens. He is steady and unmoving. He will not walk out on you. He cares about what you need and desire. He is working out a plan, if you will trust Him and choose His way. He loved you enough to suffer and die for you. He sees you as beautiful. He is proud of you. He is not ashamed of you. He wants better for you. He wants you to rest in Him. He wants to heal your heart and have you give Him all the pieces. He wants to be your everything. He simply loves you, Dear One. He loves you.
~ Written by Jenny Williams A Modern Day Ruth/Ruby Wives  Copyright 2013 All rights reserved.

He's Making Me Beautiful

 

Someone told me today that I was beautiful, but I didn't feel like it. My hair was wet and drippy and I had no makeup on. I've been feeling a bit tired and weary from the journey. Maybe they saw something I don't. The truth is, it's a littl...e hard to believe someone when they say that about me. I think it's because men who have told me this- have hurt me and abandoned me. My Daddy didn't give me compliments much when I was growing up. I feel shy when someone gives me a compliment, although now I am gracious and thank them as a lady should. I love to tell others -especially little girls. I never want one to feel lowly or unlovely. I always tell my teenage daughters all the time. I wrote a piece like this a while back, but wrote a new one since I couldn't find it. Maybe I needed the reminder myself. Just because there are areas God is working on, doesn't mean the work in progress isn't beautiful.

I feel beautiful when:

When I'm lost in worship and His presence.
When I smile at a stranger.
When I sing a love song to Poppa God.
When I am twirling in the rain or snow.
When I am smelling roses.
When I know I have made a difference in someone's life.
When I wear dresses and heels. And be my girly girl self.
When I see sunsets and feel gratefulness in my heart.
When I go on walks with Poppa God in the cool of the night.
When I wear my favorite perfume. People say I smell so good.
When I hear ocean waves and smell the salty air.
When I'm lost in a warm conversation that has caught my attention.
When I run through crunchy leaves in the fall.
When I'm proud of my children...Their precious lives makes me beautiful.
When I know I'm glowing from the inside out.
When I listen to a song that my heart relates to.
When a child comes up to me and wraps their little hands around me.
When the wind blows across my face...I take those moments as Poppa God kissing me.
When my heart is tender during a beautiful moment.
Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2013 All rights reserved.  A Modern Day Ruth

— with Jenny Williams.