Ship Wrecked Heart

She's been sadder more days than happy and it's been a rough voyage on waters she never desired to sail in the first place. She felt her heart was ship wrecked and the waves of discouragement, struggle and hardship have been the waves thrashing her heart about. But she's clung to her anchor and held His hand in the midst of it all. She's found her safety on an island of His love. Her safe place has been underneath His wings. His light warms her up when she's cold from this disappointing world.
Written by Jenny Williams,
~ A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2015

She Became Whole

She laid her heart's desire on the altar. She poured out her tears and disappointments onto His feet.
She let go of her anger, unforgiveness, and bitterness. She lifted her shattered hopes and broken dreams up to Him. She gave her all to Him, and she trusted Him with her broken heart. She found herself rested and whole when she laid her rejected and abandoned self at the place of her safe haven. She was blind, but now she can see. She sees His love for her...so much more than... any human heart could give her. She saw her value and great worth in His eyes. such love...Great Love! She knew He died for her so that she may live...live in His glorious light. He gently touched her bruised and battered self esteem. He washed with His own tears the shards of glass...the unkind words that others had spoken against her. He washed them away. His words of love penetrated her soul, and she became whole. He held her quietly as she cried each tear of sorrow and pain. He stood with her in the lake of her tears, and he held her and kept her safe. His gaze caught her focus, and she found herself immersed in His love. He clothed her nakedness with His garment of grace. It warmed her soul. All her wretchedness was diminished in the great light of His love. She looked down and He pointed to the lake of tears she had cried: "Look..."He said, "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!" She saw her reflection on the water, and to her surprise, there was no trace of her torn, bloodied, and worn out garments. Her pain had become a great strength. Her ashes had become His beauty. Her darkness had become His illuminating light. she saw herself as He saw her. She smiled, and leaned in close to His chest. She knew everything was going to be alright. Her heart was home. ~ Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2015

She Was Free

 

 

She realized her heart would not be healed until she let go completely what she held so tight to. It felt so unnatural to let go of the man she loved so much. But she realized he did not love her and he was long gone. She was grabbing mere shadows of memories. There was nothing left but to trust God. That He had a different plan...a better one. God never restores less than better than before- this... I know. She could not imagine her life or heart loving any other. But loving memories wasn't going to sustain her or even love her back. She knew it was time to let go. Let go of the once sweet moments that made her feel so good....she had to let go hoping to be back in those few moments. A voice kept whispering to her heart...."Love is in front of you...never behind you." She fell to her knees and wept. And once and for all let go. She knew that once she got up off her floor there was no more trying to love the dead. There was no more looking over her shoulder to yesterdays...She was free. She put one foot in front of the other and finally began to trust God. Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2014 ~ A Modern Day Ruth

Gathering Sheaves

She is tired of her journey
She's weary of gathering sheaves
She knows she can't give up
She has to keep on going.
She doesn't see the end of the field she's in
Her tears falling down are as numerous as the sea of white grain.
She wonders if this is all there is to her life.
She doesn't want to lead, she wants to be led.
She doesn't want to have to be strong
She desires to crumble into safe caring arms.
Her hair is whipping at her face
She feels hot...sticky from the heat of her troubles
She feels unlovely and unkempt.
She is sure others can smell her pain
Just like the sweat trickling down her back.
She wants to run...run far away
But she knows others depend on her
She's screaming inside for help to make it another day.

Psalm 88:1

Lord, you are the God who saves me. Day and night I cry out to you.

Psalms 130:1

 Lord, I cry out to you because I’m suffering so deeply.

Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth,  Copyright 2014

Sweet Surrender

She didn't know what to do with the abandoned love she still felt. She prayed and waited silently. Days and weeks went by with tears soaking her pillow at night -clenched fists in moments of sobbing. She thought she could never go on without him. On her knees she prayed and fasted. She barely slept or ate. She never loved a man so much as him. She never gave her whole heart away to anyone like that before. The truck sat in the driveway. It never went anywhere, because he was already gone. She slept with his t-shirt, hoping his scent would mean he was still real...still there. She never knew how much of her was missing. She didn't know how she would ever heal. She was glad for the struggle of competing with other women to be over. She couldn't believe she let herself get so low just trying to love him. She couldn't understand why she wasn't enough for him to stay. The relief of not being played like a game anymore was the only burden lifted off her chest. She prayed and hoped day after day that he would come back again, because she could not imagine anything but those sweet yesterdays; but she finally got strong enough to clear her head from the pain that fogged her reasoning. 

She realized it was time to lay this love she had upon the altar of the Lord. She sobbed like waves of the ocean. The pain was so surreal. She laid her love for him on the altar. She knew it was time for her to leave. She knew she could not stay, because if she stayed where things were dead, she would slowly die too. Her strength was held up by the angels as she began to take a little step forward every day. She knew she deserved a whole lot better: to be loved, to be cherished, and protected in every way. Her wounded heart was fragile. People judged and didn't know what was going on inside. She had to close her ears to voices that tried to pull her back into the dark. He had promised her fake forevers. She would naively believe, but they were just empty words with no meaning. She promised him forever but that wasn't good enough. She knew she had to guard and protect what little of herself she still had. 

She clung to her faith that she knew. She silently cried out His name -some moments were so surreal, but she got through it with Poppa God holding her all the way. She let the love of her Father come in gently and heal the layers of her heart. Sometimes a memory of his voice or the smell of him would drift in to taunt her, but she stopped turning her head back to what was no longer there. She reasoned and told herself, "Memories can't kiss me or hold me." Sometimes she still feels her heart longing to love him again, but she knows he's been dead to her for far too long. She no longer will be peering over a grave. She has become something beautiful, because Poppa's presence has been so near. She knows that she is lovely. She knows she can trust Him with her heart. She spends time in her secret place. She hears His voice calling her name. He is the lover of her soul, and she is patiently waiting. She knows she's stronger when she leans on His everlasting arms. She's beautiful. She's lovely, and she's stronger and wiser than ever before. She is going to live, love, and laugh much. She's doing good...I know, because this woman is me. ~ A Modern Day Ruth
Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2014

He Walked Away: How To Overcome Heartache

                                                                                               Previously Written and posted April 2013

I kept waiting night after night for his truck to pull into the driveway. I slept in his t-shirt just to keep his scent near me. My days were blurred in a thick foggy haze. I barely slept, I barely ate, I lost the desire to live. I was truly heartsick. I can still remember my teenage son's voice saying, "Mama...don't you think it's time you slept upstairs in your bed again?" I felt so lost. I told myself he would come back; that somehow his truck had broken down and that he wasn't able to call. I tried to reason with my heart that he wasn't really gone; that he would be back. I was completely heartsick. I never really fully understood what the words meant when someone said their heart was broken. Oh, the sure pain of it -now...so surreal. I don't take those words for granted anymore. I have learned to pray, comfort, listen and hold someone's hand when they say those words. I am so eternally grateful for Poppa God walking me through that difficult time in my life. He truly healed that shattered broken heart, and then He gave me a purpose -even a rare beauty out of what was meant to destroy me. It's been several years now and those memories have faded, but I have not forgotten. What should you do when your heart is broken? Here are some things that helped me through that painful season:

* If someone has left you, don't beg and plead for them to stay or come back. The best advice my grandmother gave me was: "If a man wants to walk, let him walk."  Begging, pleading, crying, manipulating, or pining for them to stay will only prolong your pain and suffering and that of your children. If someone wants to stay they will do it out of their own free will. You can't force someone to love you or to be faithful to you. Love is a choice, so let them choose. I know it hurts. I know you can't imagine your life without them, but you have to let them decide on their own.

* Decide and determine in your heart that you will hold onto God no matter what. It's not His fault that a human you loved disappointed you. Cling to His promise that He will never leave you or forsake you. Cry out to Him. Pray. Choose to read His word, stay in church. Even if you feel like your world is falling apart remember that you are in the palm of His hand and He will carry you. He is closer than a brother and a friend at all times. Let Him hold you and comfort you. He can handle your pain and your tears. Life may not make sense right now but life will get better again. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning.

* Reach out to someone you can trust; a prayer partner, a best friend, a pastor or mentor. Let them know what's going on. A true friend will care and be there for you during difficult times. Don't allow the lies of the enemy to tell you that you have to go through this alone. You need help during this time and it's okay to admit that. Ask others to pray for your strength, peace of mind, healing in your heart to take place.

* Remember to take care of your body. When you go through heartache your overwhelming feelings invade you and you may forget to eat. Your appetite may be completely gone. Choose to at least eat some protein and drink water daily to keep yourself  hydrated.

* Choose to live life. You probably want to stay in bed all day and do absolutely nothing. Force yourself to get up and get out of the house. Go for walks, see a movie with a friend, grab coffee and read the Word. I know it feels like your life is void and empty, but whatever you do, do not stop living. If you were happy before this person came into your life, you can be happy again without them. It will just take time.

* In the moments when you are completely overwhelmed by the grief and surges of feelings, have a friend you can call or text so they can pray for you. Sometimes the pain in your heart will feel like a sneaker tidal wave. You may feel completely like your drowning, but imagine yourself holding onto God's hand. He is right beside you and He will not let you be consumed. He is your anchor during the storm. Allow yourself to feel the pain and remind yourself that these feelings are temporary and they will pass. Breathe.

* Take time to reflect. You can't do a thing about the person who broke your heart, but you can reflect and think about what you could do differently. Listen to God's voice and be honest with yourself. It's a healthy approach to admit your mistakes and to glean wisdom from them. Ask God to show you what was unhealthy about the relationship. The truth sets us free. Don't beat yourself up though and do not condemn yourself. Don't blame yourself for everything either. It takes two people to have a relationship. Everyone has something they can do better and things to work on.

* Determine in your heart that you will forgive the person who hurt you. It doesn't mean you don't feel the pain anymore. It doesn't mean you are letting them off the hook -it means letting God deal with them. It means that you choose to walk in God's love. He can deal with people's hearts better than we can ourselves. I know it hurts. I know you're angry. I know you feel betrayed. It's okay to feel these feelings, but make the decision to forgive them. Ask God to help you in this. God can handle your feelings. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision.

* Do not choose to date or get involved in another romantic relationship until a lengthy time has passed. It's the worst mistake you can make. To start dating while your heart is broken is like walking around with a broken foot on novocaine. When the numbness wears off you will hurt even more. The damage will be greater. A second heartache is worse than first. Trust me -I know. Just because you feel better does not mean you are completely healed and ready for a relationship. Healing of a broken heart takes time. It's a process. God is a gentlemen and He heals our hearts one layer at a time, like an onion. Do yourself and the other person a favor -guard your heart. Get healthy first.

* Do special things for you. You are worth it. Go for walks, exercise, get a pedicure. Pamper yourself. Pamper a girlfriend. Do something kind for a neighbor. Do things that are stress relieving. Comfort yourself by surrounding yourself with good people and good atmosphere. Buy candles. Try a new hobby. Join a choir. Do it for you.

* Remember that tears are part of the process. It doesn't mean you are going backwards. A memory, a song or a smell might trigger feelings of the person who left you. Allow yourself to feel the pain and then move forward. Tears are cleansing, they're part of how God designed us to heal. He cares about you and the tears that fall on your pillow at night. So much that He actually records them in heaven.

* Avoid seeking comfort from places and things that will only temporarily numb your pain. Stay away from alcohol, drugs, sex outside of marriage, online dating services, or people who are a bad influence. All these things may feel good for a while, but your life will end up in destruction. Seek comfort from Jesus, His word, your friends, church, etc. Anything that is good, pure, lovely -think on those things.

* Know and remember that your pain and broken relationship are not your identity. You are lovable. You are a child of God. Nothing you can do can separate you from His unfailing love for you. He loves you right where you're at. Your mess is not who you are. Just because someone stopped loving you does not mean that you are unlovable. That is a huge lie of the enemy to try to destroy your confidence and self esteem.

Praying for you, Dear one. God is with you in this season. Love will bloom again on the branches of your heart. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives. Copyright 2013. All rights reserved. Please feel free to share for encouragement purposes. All scriptures are taken from the  NIV Bible Version.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

 Hebrews 13:5

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Psalm 51:17

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

Love Story (As Featured in Virtue Magazine Feb/Mar 2014 Edition)

My love story is different than some...One day, the true love of my life walked out the door for the last time. It was one of the most painful and devastating times imaginable, but I knew I had to keep going, and it was only by the grace of God that I did. I started Ruby Wives Ministry, and it was growing by leaps and bounds. I had no idea that during my own heart shattering crisis, God would make something good come out of my ashes. My humbled and naive idea of helping other hurting women who were silently struggling in their marriages while dealing with separation or divorce, would turn into something bigger than I could ever plan. It was really stepping out onto the water for me, because I didn't even know how to make a Facebook page at the time. I was crying in a crumpled heap on my pile of laundry when I heard His almost audible voice whisper to my heart: "I want you to take these women with you on this journey."

Two and a half years later, thousands of women and even men have become faithful readers of our pages that offer simple prayers, wisdom, and encouragement for spouses. God allowed my brokenness and reflection of the mistakes I made as a wife to become wisdom gems to share with others. Through transparently shared struggles about my own journey of healing, our readers responded openly and thanked me because they could relate. My tears became their comfort, because they felt they were not alone. My surrendered weakness to God became my new-found strength as well as theirs, because they were dealing with similar circumstances. Then came the newly wed brides, the happily married wives...women of different circumstances and statuses, broken or abandoned...they all became fans. I realized that as I was learning and gleaning wisdom and sharing it with wives, a positive growth and change was happening. It was contagious. Praise God! It was all His beautiful plan unfolding before me. Letters poured in from around the world with reports of marriages being restored and women being encouraged. My heart has been so overabundantly blessed, and even though things haven't turned out the way I thought they would, or the way I wanted them to, God revealed to me that He has always had a plan, and that He knew what was best for me. He built a full time ministry out of my broken mess and ashes, and He built a new dream in me. Beauty had come.

One thing I have learned through this beautiful, crazy and amazing journey, is that we all have one thing in common: a broken heart is a broken heart. Pain is pain. Marriage troubles are the same everywhere, no matter who you are or where you are from. The internet is a way to reach women in all parts of the world. Barriers are broken by it. I have had countless pastors' wives who were hurting in silence because their spouse was having an affair, struggling with addictions, etc., write to me for advice and prayers. They felt safe reaching out for help online.

Through this process, I finally came to a certain place of healing and surrender in my heart, I saw that God had an even bigger plan, and that I was not to look backward anymore. I found that my love story isn't over, it's being rediscovered and revised by the One who created love in the first place. Thus, A Modern Day Ruth was born. God revealed that the "Ruth" of this generation is primarily the woman who has been abandoned, divorced because of circumstances beyond her control, or has experienced abuse and neglect. The Modern Day Ruth is a woman who has experienced a devastation or even spiritual and emotional "death." Her husband has died to her and the family, and has walked away.

We live in a society where if it isn't easy or if it needs fixing, we will just go get a "new one" and people end up discarded as if they're replaceable things. It's so sad. Our world would be a happier and better place if people valued and honored marriages and families. What's worse is that the very place where women like us should find refuge comfort and support -the church- often judges, condemns, and turns its head away from these women. Many times I, myself, have felt that the Christian family I thought would be there for me, looked at me like I was the woman with the scarlet letter, as though I was someone who slept around. I was surprised to find that this is the perception some people have of single moms. That was definitely not the case for me, and even if it was, what would Jesus do? He never condemned the woman at the well, nor did he throw a stone at the woman who supposedly was caught in the act of adultery. I see the story of the woman at the well as tragic. She must have had her heart severely broken several times. She must have been abandoned, rejected, lied to, used, and promised false forevers... I often wish I could go back in time and hug that woman in the Bible and tell her I love her and that she's going to be alright, but Jesus did it for me.

Now, as I walk this role of A Modern Day Ruth and as a leader of women, I continue to reach out to as many as possible, to remind each one that her love story doesn't just end in heartache and tears, and that her life isn't going to be just struggle and pain. I know she faces tear-stained pillow nights and wrestles with ongoing loneliness. She wakes up to difficult days of surviving while trying to take care of her children...the family her husband left behind. Though Ruth was a widow, she ended up having her season of heartache turn to a lifetime of joy, and the promise of a lasting legacy. I am many times reminded of the words that are engraved upon my heart, and I have clung to them often: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Everyone has a love story. Sometimes that love story doesn't turn out the way you wish it would have. Maybe you're fighting for your love story right now to continue -fighting to keep your marriage alive, or your fairy tale dream may already have been shattered or ended in disappointment. Mine is that God took my messed up, abandoned, and broken heart and held me. He cradled me in the midst of my sheer agony and emotional turmoil. He didn't save my marriage, but He saved me. He gave me purpose and He took each piece of my heart and mended me, making me stronger and better than before. I have come to know that in Him I do have my happy ever after, and my love story with Him is still beautifully unfolding. Written by Jenny Williams Copyright 2014

It Ain't Easy

Being a modern day Ruth isn't easy. Sometimes that ache in your heart nags at you and reminds you of the love you used to have. You have lost everything, but you keep hanging onto a dream that one day you will be loved again. You push yourself past your painful circumstances and continue to be faithful in serving others. Some nights you fall asleep with tears running down your face, but you don't let anyone know, because you have had to be strong for far too long. God whispers His love words in your ears and reminds you to trust in His promises. Sometimes the field you're in seems so vast and wide, and your assignment during this season seems so long. Your character and perseverance is being tested to the max. You wonder how much longer you can smile and keep going. Obstacles you have encountered have been making you strong. In these lonely moments, remind yourself that God is faithful and His love is everlasting. No man can fill your soul. Only He can. Just be busy about His business. Embrace the process of being refined, and when you least expect it, your Boaz will see you from across the field. ~ Jenny Williams,  A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2013

Kaleidoscope

I wrote this in 2011...It was during one of the most painful heartaches of my life. I was once again left alone and rejected. As I read these words, I could see the pain through every word, but even in the middle of great loss and depression- even then I knew Poppa God was with me. I'm so grateful I'm no longer in that darkness and pain. God really does heal our brokenness and brings purpose and hope again. I'm so in love...in love with God because of the journey He has brought me through. I'm in love with the life He is unfolding before me. It's beautiful.

I look through the kaleidoscope of my emotions, crashing down in colors of pain.

The looking glass is dark and murky-

I can't seem to find my way

The windshield of my future is fogged up

by countless tears that fall like endless rain.



Desperately, I cling closely to You

Blindly, I find I'm in a meadow of dark shadow

I realize we're swaying quietly and real slow

But I can't hear the music or the meaning of its beat

Just the sound of my heart bleeding out

into deep pools and puddles at my feet.



The air is misty and grey,

The vapors of my broken dreams rising -they are no more

Strangely I feel this meadow is somehow safe

And I hear You whisper my name.

Written By Jenny Williams , A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2014, 2011

Please Don't Throw Me Away

Memories have brought on emotions I don't ever want to feel again. Seeing couples and families at church during the holidays is so painful to watch. During a service recently, I just felt like I wanted to run down the aisle and escape the feeling of complete isolation. It was more than I could endure to see husbands holding their wives during the sermon. I used to do that... nestle my head on my husband's shoulder. I just kept thinking to myself, "I just want to be loved."  I don't want him back, but I want to be loved by a man again. If I could trust someone, if I knew I wasn't going to be discarded when troubles or difficulties came.  I still have to remind myself that I'm not trash. That I'm not ugly or unlovable. To be honest, it's hard to convince this troubled heart at times. I could just go date anyone. I have been asked out plenty of times, but I am picky now. I don't just go out for the sake of going out. My heart is too fragile for that. I am still healing from the damage the one I loved did to me. The one I took back even after he had left me for another woman-the one who threw me away like trash. The one who took me for granted. The one who left me abandoned over and over. I wish he could comprehend the pain and damage he did to my heart. To my kids. It nearly cost me my life. It's been so hard to believe that any man could love me. I guess whoever walks into  my life will have to be patient and understanding of this. He will have to handle my heart gently. Dear future husband of mine: Please don't leave. Don't throw me away. Don't take me for granted. Don't ignore me and leave me always waiting and wanting...waiting for you to touch me, hold me, to talk to me...To be with me. Don't leave me drowning in my tears, keeping me in chains of worry as I try to be good enough for you -and whatever you do, don't make me feel lonely. Don't treat me like a side dish or a back pocket kind of girl. Keep me up front close to your heart. Let me know I'm special and valuable; that I'm enough, that I'm the only one, that I'm lovable- flaws and all. Let me know you need me and my love.
Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013

Dear Ruth

To the "Ruths" who are waiting for a "Boaz" to walk into your life:
  I remember the day my Mama and I went to a powerful church service at Jesus Pursuit Church in Albany. We we're both going through some painful and difficult times. My heart had been severely broken by my husband of 13 years who walked away from God and his family. The air was thick in the sanctuary. The presence of the Holy Spirit was so sweet. The music was going, and I was lost in worship. This place felt safe. In my heart I leaned against Poppa God on a white horse. I call God Poppa. I have always wanted to be a Daddy's girl, but my real Dad couldn't be there for me. In His presence I felt like I was the only one. I spiritually felt bare and naked with my broken heart exposed, but felt so safe and so warm resting in His arms. After the music and message that were given, my Mama wanted me to go up front to the altar area to be prayed for. I felt shy and awkward about it, but at my Mama's request, I did. She's my hero in so many ways. Anything she asks of me I will do. I was prayed for and given a precious and memorable word. I was told by the prayer lady that God wanted me know it wasn't my fault and that Poppa loved me. He called me His favorite. And at that moment I felt like I truly was. God is so awesome how He does this. We truly are His favorite. Each one of us. After some time I went and kneeled at the altar and cried out to Him. I heard Him say so clearly- I'm sending you a "Boaz". I pondered what He said. I knew it was His voice. I've never really been interested much about the story of Ruth and Boaz. I went to Sunday School as a child and it was never my favorite story, but since then I have studied the book of Ruth. I've listened and gleaned from it and applied it to areas of my life. Have I bumped into my Boaz, Yet? No, but I have learned to be busy about my Father's business. Loving others and working in the fields that God has called me to. I have met so many "Ruths and Naomies" along the way of this healing journey. I have spent the last few years gleaning and sharing wisdom of what a godly woman and wife should be like. Sharing my own journey, being transparent with my readers, praying and standing in the gap for marriages. We have helped soothe some broken hearts. Poppa God has been faithful. I see so many strong women who have been hurt and disappointed; but their faith shines like the sun and I am so privileged and blessed to know them. The story of Ruth is about redemption. Poppa God covers us with His love and redeems us from our painful past. He celebrates us as the Bride of Christ. He provides for us single mamas and is a Husband when we need one. He is also a Father to the fatherless. He is all that we have need of. I've learned to let go of searching for the affections of a man, and to put my broken bleeding heart into the hands of the Almighty. There, I know it will always be protected and safe. I have come so far, and I feel so grateful that I'm no longer broken or dismayed. He has given me purpose -given me a message that burns on my heart to share. Keep trusting God, Keep walking in faith, and do what God has called you to -and when the time is right, your "Boaz" will see you from across the field.   Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives/A Modern Day Ruth. Copyright 2013.

The Process

The process of becoming a queen is different than that of a princess. The more the Lord entrusts us with, the more He requires of us. I feel like I have been hidden away in a secret place being prepared for something greater than my understanding can conceive of. It's funny that when I was a little girl I wanted to be Queen Esther for a costume party. Other kids were monsters, cartoon characters or super heroes. No one knew who I was, but I would blurt out, "I'm Queen Esther!" My life has been far from royalty. I have lived a hard life, but through it all, I think my destiny has been whispering through every heartache and every hardship. He's preparing me for the dream He wants to fulfill in me. The past several months have been a painful, but a necessary time of refinement. He won't let me ignore certain areas anymore. I felt such struggle and even disappointment in myself. I felt like nothing but "ugly" was coming out of me. I told the Lord I felt so ugly because my weaknesses were coming to the surface, but He spoke so clearly, "You asked me to make you more beautiful. This is what I am doing."  He has been washing off the residue of the pain and hurts I have endured from past relationships. The old labels and recordings of harsh words that were spoken over me. The abuse...and trauma. The best part of this process has been bathing in His sweet presence. There's nothing like spending time with the Holy Spirit. Singing to Him -worshiping at the feet of the King. His fragrance is what I want to smell like. <3  I want to savor it. These 21 days of fasting have been challenging. At times I failed miserably -especially during the week of having a persistent fever, but the moments I had with Him were amazing. I long for more. Whatever God is doing in you, don't be hard on yourself. You are lovely. There is "Greatness" in you. He is preparing you for the next season -for such a time as this. ~ Love, Jenny. A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013.  All rights reserved.

  

You have been sitting in the ash heap of your broken heart and burned up dreams. You had to rest and be still there a while, because your pain was so immensely great. You felt stuck, but had to be still for Poppa God to heal you. He sat there next to you in your great pain and grief. At times you couldn't feel His presence, and this pained you, because the depths of emotion were so dark and lonely. Many friends and family were there at the beginning, but they finally stopped hanging around. In your time of isolation you we're being held under the very wing of His love. His shadow was protecting you from the harsh exposure of your brokenness. You were laid out bare and feeling naked. False shame and the soot of your ashes made you feel unlovable and unworthy. You felt that all eyes saw only your mistakes and your rejections -your ashes; but He was washing you gently, pulling out the splinters and shards of glass that penetrated your heart. The abandonment you felt was so heavy, you thought you could never be loved again, but He was with you all the time. Some nights were so long and so lonely, your tears fell like waterfalls. Your pillow was soaked at night. You bravely smiled in the daylight and told others you were fine. Your soul was being strengthened. Your resilience was emerging. Your faith was growing through the thickets and briers ...stronger, reaching high to the heavens. You didn't know this, but the saints were cheering you on. God Himself was holding your hand when no-one would comfort you. Your tears have been collected carefully in His perfume bottle. His oil of gladness is now replacing the sorrows for songs of joy. Rise up, Beloved. Out of your ash heap you will rise. He is pouring out His sacred, sweet oil on your head. He is the Glory and lifter of your head. Those who look to Him are radiant and their faces are never covered in shame. The traces of the ashes are no more. Your robes are radiant and white -glimmering like diamonds, just as the afternoon sun shines on a lake. There will be scars from what you overcame, but they are your marks of beauty for His glory and purpose. The pain will fade away, but your strength and faith will remain. You will rise, Darling. You will stand on the heap of the enemy, with his head crushed under your feet. You will walk in honor and beauty. You will be celebrated as one who is a mighty and brave warrior -a princess anointed as queen at the table of the King of Glory. Do you hear Him call out to you? "Rise up, Beautiful One. You are my Beloved, and I am faithfully yours." ~Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2013. Please share for encouragement purposes.