Love Message For You

I love what I do. I love and value our readers as family members. You are my sisters and brothers. God gave me a passion to help heal and empower women by sharing the wisdom I learned from my own personal mistakes. Through my own journey of overcoming abandonment and heartaches, and to remind them of what their value is as daughters of the Most High God. You are worth more than all the diamonds and rubies in the entire world...Don't ever doubt it. That even with brokenness and ashes, your story does not end. Your life is not over, but just begun. You have a future and a hope! You have a destiny still to fulfill. God's love for you does not waiver one bit. His love is everlasting and His beautiful Grace is sufficient for you. Don't ever let the enemy convince you that because someone doesn't love you or that you aren't lovable anymore. That's a lie. That person just did not see or appreciate the value of who you truly are, but someday someone will. Hold onto God's promises- they are for you. <3 Love, Jenny~ A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013.

To The One (Dear Daughter)

To the one who woke up and her heart still feels heavy 

-she thought her nightmare would finally turn to sweet dreams.

To the one who has known so many tears 

-she feels her soul is like waterfalls.

To the one who can't believe she is getting back up again after feeling like she has failed once more.

To the one who wishes her Daddy would have held her, hugged her, and told her she was beautiful when she was a little girl.

To the one who never feels like she fits in the crowd, and wonders what is wrong with her.

To the one who feels like she isn't good enough, strong enough, pretty enough.

To the one who just wants to be held and her arms ache for warmth and tender loving care.

To the one who feels betrayed and forgotten and feels no one cares.

To the one who has seen nothing but ashes and broken dreams

and is afraid to even begin to dream again.

To the one who feels misunderstood and judged by others about her circumstances.

To the one who can't see sunshine, rainbows or silver linings because the night has been so long for her.

To the one who feels every step forward is so difficult and a struggle  

-she feels weary from her travels.

To the one who feels lost and can't find her way 

-she doesn't know what to do and where to go.

To the one who has deep wounds that don't seem to heal fast enough.

To the one who has to be the provider, the Momma and the Daddy 

-she just wants to be taken care of too.

To the one who has cried out and prayed and still doesn't see the answers come.

To the one who is so lonely and wants to trust for love again. 

Oh, To be loved.

To the one who wants to trust but is afraid of being hurt again.

To the one who wants attention and affection 

-she wants to be cherished and feel valued.

To the one who wants to end her life because she desperately wants to find relief from all of this

...hold on...don't do it....

To the one who is working so hard, but it just never seems to be enough.

To the one who has experienced enough pain and trauma to last a lifetime 

-she just wants peace and safety again.

To the one who just wants to feel pampered, loved and celebrated.

To the one who just wants to feel beautiful again 

-she feels her tiredness, weariness and scars are all others see.

To the one who feels like it's all her fault 

-she feels so ashamed, dirty, and used.

To the one who needs to hear that she matters and that she is not forgotten.

To the one who is about to give up in believing for better.

To the one who wishes she was someone's favorite 

-she wants to be the special one.

To the one who feels so lowly she doesn't think she can achieve or accomplish anything 

-she just might fail.

To the one who wonders if she is even lovable....

To the one who has been told she would never amount to anything.

To the one who has been abandoned so many times that she's afraid to be left by everyone 

-she's so scared.

Dear One...God sees you. He hears you. He is with you. He is near you. He cries with you. He knows your tears and feels your pain. He loves you for who you are and where you are at. He has a love for you that does not end, despite all the circumstances and mess you feel you are in. He does not condemn you. He does not judge you. He does not forget you. He is your arms to lean on. He is strong enough to carry you and your burdens. He is steady and unmoving. He will not walk out on you. He cares about what you need and desire. He is working out a plan, if you will trust Him and choose His way. He loved you enough to suffer and die for you. He sees you as beautiful. He is proud of you. He is not ashamed of you. He wants better for you. He wants you to rest in Him. He wants to heal your heart and have you give Him all the pieces. He wants to be your everything. He simply loves you, Dear One. He loves you.
~ Written by Jenny Williams A Modern Day Ruth/Ruby Wives  Copyright 2013 All rights reserved.

Memories That Haunt

   

   The last few days I have felt disheartened. Emotions swirling. My past haunting me. Disturbing for me is not knowing why this pain had to resurface. I have come so far and have become so strong. Healing is a process. And God is a gentleman. He doesn't force us to deal with our wounds all at one time. He walks us thru layer by layer. I forgot how much I loved my husband. More than any man in my entire life. But I have learned to let go. You can't force someone to love you. And if they choose to walk away, let the door hit them on their way out. Love stays. Love does not walk away, only people do. I share this tonight because maybe you are struggling with the pain of abandonment. I have found my Poppa God to be faithful and true. He is closer than a brother and dearer than any friend. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. His love is everlasting. He loves you, Tonight. ~ Jenny
Ghosts
Originally Written Saturday, September 10, 2011
by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives, Copyright 2011

 Last night it was hot and muggy in the air...I was restless, and it seemed that memories lingered and decided to stick to me just like the humidity. A scent caught me by surprise in my room...His smell. I don't know where it came from, but it just harassed me enough to bring some unshed tears to the surface -ones that must have been hidden from my progress of moving forward.
The smell wafted to my nose. beguiling me like a ghost that had walked into the room of my heart. I went and grabbed the sweat shirt of his that I stumbled upon a while back. It holds his scent so strongly. I knelt at the foot of my four poster victorian bed. The place where I met with Poppa so many times concerning our marriage. There in the darkness only lit by the blare of the tv...I buried my face along with my hot flowing tears into that shirt. Why?
I wandered if he thought of me. I wandered if he ever regretted what he had done to me...to my heart and even my soul. I wished he felt torturous pain...The loneliness of his actions that he caused. I wept and prayed hard and in a fervency- knowing other wives are feeling this anguish just as much as I or even more. My thoughts have been wrestling with my heart just as Jacob wrestled with the angel of God. I'm honestly not sure who won last night, but I had some release. These hidden tears had to come out.They seem to find their way out at the most unexpecting times.
I whispered in the darkness. "Poppa, I still love him. Please take it away. If he's never coming back-Take it completely away. Deliver me." I even felt oddly like I was seeking permission to love him. Was it safe to ? After some time-I put the sweatshirt back where I found it. As tempted as I was to sleep with it I chose not to. I refuse to go backward. I will move forward. I crawled into my bed and began to pray and interceed for the other women...The one's I have really come to love. Miles might keep us from seeing each other face to face, but it's their prayers, their tears, their posts, their words which have brought us close as dear sisters and friends...Bound together by our similar paths and difficult journey we have had to walk. "Please God. Bring healing. Bring hope. Answer the cries of their hearts."

Today in the shower I came to the place of realizing this heart of mine is still broken. I had a heart to heart with Poppa. I finally humbly admitted that no matter what I do in my own humanness and my own determined efforts, I can't heal my brokenness on my own. I guess I fooled myself into thinking I was healed. No smiles I carry on my face, no christian bumper sticker or cliche, no holding it all together and being strong enough can make this pain disappear. It has become less and less, but it still shows up along with memories like haunting ghosts.
I appraoched Poppa and asked Him to deliver me from being broken. No other male affections, no human approvals, no new pair of shoes or any earthly riches, Not even time can change this fact. Caring people say that time can heal all wounds...not necessarily true. This lesson I have learned. I've seen people who have been broken for years. Nothing can fill the gaping holes, but Poppa. I have felt impatient. Wishing this process to be hurried along. And even pleaded, "Just take me back there- to heaven and heal me again like you did before." I find He seems to do things differently for much of the time, for whatever His reason. He is God and He is not figured out.
But I'm pretty sure I heard in His still quiet voice say-," Can you remain broken just a little longer ?"
Why would He say that? Me be broken even more?? For longer?????

Out of this brokeness I know there is beauty. There is purpose. It makes no earthly sense. It's strange and weird,and I'm sure others don't understand. They probably think I just want to stay this way just for attention, or to remain a victim. But in reality for me I have come to the place that in my true brokeness- There Poppa brings the best out of me. The fragrance of His love.. humility and openess that He can work with. If it were not for this shattered state I would not be reaching out to other human hearts in the capacity that this trial has allowed. The prayers and words of encouragement would not flow in this vast of a supply. And it is not because of my endeavor or ability- but Christ in me making it all happen for His purpose.
So I surrender to His doing's. I have to trust His timing. I know He won't leave me in this place forever. There will be complete healing. But it will be in His way and in His timing. In the mean time I need to remember and not forget. I have the promise from Him that He will make me better and more beautiful than before. That's our deal. Out of the ashes beauty will rise.
So even though it feels so unfair, it's so confusing and heart wrenching at times. Even though I miss the one who deserted me and left me shredded into pieces. I choose to move forward. There will be days of tears. But I do have the promise of better days to come.

Philippians 3:13
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.

  

You have been sitting in the ash heap of your broken heart and burned up dreams. You had to rest and be still there a while, because your pain was so immensely great. You felt stuck, but had to be still for Poppa God to heal you. He sat there next to you in your great pain and grief. At times you couldn't feel His presence, and this pained you, because the depths of emotion were so dark and lonely. Many friends and family were there at the beginning, but they finally stopped hanging around. In your time of isolation you we're being held under the very wing of His love. His shadow was protecting you from the harsh exposure of your brokenness. You were laid out bare and feeling naked. False shame and the soot of your ashes made you feel unlovable and unworthy. You felt that all eyes saw only your mistakes and your rejections -your ashes; but He was washing you gently, pulling out the splinters and shards of glass that penetrated your heart. The abandonment you felt was so heavy, you thought you could never be loved again, but He was with you all the time. Some nights were so long and so lonely, your tears fell like waterfalls. Your pillow was soaked at night. You bravely smiled in the daylight and told others you were fine. Your soul was being strengthened. Your resilience was emerging. Your faith was growing through the thickets and briers ...stronger, reaching high to the heavens. You didn't know this, but the saints were cheering you on. God Himself was holding your hand when no-one would comfort you. Your tears have been collected carefully in His perfume bottle. His oil of gladness is now replacing the sorrows for songs of joy. Rise up, Beloved. Out of your ash heap you will rise. He is pouring out His sacred, sweet oil on your head. He is the Glory and lifter of your head. Those who look to Him are radiant and their faces are never covered in shame. The traces of the ashes are no more. Your robes are radiant and white -glimmering like diamonds, just as the afternoon sun shines on a lake. There will be scars from what you overcame, but they are your marks of beauty for His glory and purpose. The pain will fade away, but your strength and faith will remain. You will rise, Darling. You will stand on the heap of the enemy, with his head crushed under your feet. You will walk in honor and beauty. You will be celebrated as one who is a mighty and brave warrior -a princess anointed as queen at the table of the King of Glory. Do you hear Him call out to you? "Rise up, Beautiful One. You are my Beloved, and I am faithfully yours." ~Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2013. Please share for encouragement purposes.