To saying goodbye to everything and everyone who had broken her heart.
To forgiveness and not letting bitterness ruin her.
To not looking over her shoulder at memory lane, to not trying to bang down a door that's been purposefully shut, and to not wasting away her life waiting for someone to come back and love her.
To becoming wise, learning from her bad choices and mistakes.
To not letting men use her, abuse her, cheat on her, or treat her with less respect and care than what she deserves.
To letting go of fears and embracing "I can's".
To being herself and loving her smile, her heart, her spirit and her body -to knowing she's loveable.
To trusting God in all areas of her life.
To having huge and crazy dreams and not letting anyone talk her out of them.
To loving herself, taking care of her body, her mind, and soul.
To not letting the ashes, burnt up dreams, heartaches and disappointments destroy her or keep her from her God given destiny.
To smiling, laughing, being silly, having fun, being creative and letting each moment count.
To letting him know she can live without him, that her worth never is based on his perception of who she is.
To kissing that fool goodbye for the last time.
To being lovely, sparkly, shiny and vibrant.
To taking her tears and making them useful. She writes, she sings, she creates, and she wipes the tears of others, reminding them that God can heal their hearts too.
To allowing herself to be available to romantic love again but with higher standards. She's a daughter of God, after all.
To walking out and living in her God given purpose and destiny. To be being a Queen for such a time as this. Yes, she can do it.
To wearing the pretty shoes and walking in authority, stomping and crushing the enemies lies beneath her feet!
To dancing and going to high places.
To hanging out with winners, believers, overcomers and achievers; accepting healthy and inspiring people in her life, saying no to people who suck the joy and life out of what God has created to be beautiful and honor Him.
To growing, glowing, giving, sharing, and loving.
To expecting the good and beautiful and expecting blessing and favor to be in her life.
Written by Jenny Williams Copyright 2013 A Modern Day Ruth
You have been sitting in the ash heap of your broken heart and burned up dreams. You had to rest and be still there a while, because your pain was so immensely great. You felt stuck, but had to be still for Poppa God to heal you. He sat there next to you in your great pain and grief. At times you couldn't feel His presence, and this pained you, because the depths of emotion were so dark and lonely.... Many friends and family were there at the beginning, but they finally stopped hanging around. In your time of isolation, you were being held under the very wing of His love. His shadow was protecting you from the harsh exposure of your brokenness. You were laid out bare and feeling naked. False shame and the soot of your ashes made you feel unlovable and unworthy. You felt that all eyes saw only your mistakes and your rejections -your ashes; but He was washing you gently. Pulling out the splinters and shards of glass that penetrated your heart. The abandonment you felt was so heavy, you thought you could never be loved again, but He was with you all the time. Some nights were so long and so lonely, your tears fell like waterfalls. Your pillow was soaked at night. You bravely smiled in the daylight and told others you were fine. Your soul was being strengthened. Your resilience was emerging. Your faith was growing through the thickets and briers ...stronger, reaching high to the heavens. You didn't know this, but the saints were cheering you on. God Himself was holding your hand when no-one would comfort you. Your tears have been collected carefully in His perfume bottle. His oil of gladness is now replacing the sorrows for songs of joy. Rise up, Beloved. Out of your ash heap you will rise. He is pouring out His sacred, sweet oil on your head. He is the Glory and lifter of your head. Those who look to Him are radiant and their faces are never covered in shame. The traces of the ashes are no more. Your robes are radiant and white, glimmering like diamonds -just as the afternoon sun shines on a lake. There will be scars from what you overcame, but they are your marks of beauty for His glory and purpose. The pain will fade away, but your strength and faith will remain. You will rise, Darling. You will stand on the heap of the enemy, with his head crushed under your feet. You will walk in honor and beauty. You will be celebrated as one who is a mighty and brave warrior -a princess anointed as queen at the table of the King of Glory. Do you hear Him call out to you? "Rise up, Beautiful One. You are my Beloved, and I am faithfully yours." ~Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2013. Please share for encouragement purposes.
Some say, "How do you do it ?" This road and field ain't easy, and truthfully, there are times when I emotionally break down because the load is too much. Being a single Momma was not my ideal for my life or my amazing kids. I sometimes have to bravely put on a smile, even if inside I don't feel it. I have to pull up a scripture or promise and dwell on it. If I can't break through on my own, then I call my core encouragers and prayer support. It's never demeaning or weak to call reinforcement when the enemy of your life is attacking. That's what the body of Christ is for. When I'm lonely I tell Poppa God. When I feel defeated I try to speak out loud the word and declare His promises. I speak opposite of what I'm feeling, because faith comes by hearing the Word. I listen to positive messages from godly mentors and speakers. If I feel weary, I remind myself that I need to spend worship time and sing to the Holy Spirit...I sing love songs in my alone time with God. When I start feeling sorry for myself I look around to find someone else who needs encouragement. My heart gets happy if I know I have made a difference in someone's else's life. Sometimes if I have been holding things in too long, I break down and cry. It's healing and a release. Jesus, says to cast all our burdens on Him because He cares for us. He will never be too overwhelmed with our troubles. He can handle our list. We must trust Him and release it all. If I am physically shutting down, then I know I need a good old fashioned cat nap. This gives me a fresh perspective. More importantly, I just live one moment at a time because, honestly, one day at a time is too hard. God is my strength and my portion, He doesn't expect us to do it alone or on our own strength. In Him we live and move and have our being. Always remember that this is a temporary season. ~Love, Jenny, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2013. All rights reserved.
Every part of this song relates to me on this journey -being afraid, all the healing, all the times of trying to be brave, and now the waiting -which seems like I have waited a thousand years. I've been letting Poppa God cut off the dead things in my life that were no longer needed. I can't wait to tell this to someone someday: "Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years....I'll love you for a thousand more. All along I have believed that I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me for a thousand years...I will love you for a thousand more." I'm sure Ruth felt like this when she met her Boaz. Like she was finally "home" again. If I ever walk down that aisle, it just might have to be to this song...~ Written By Ms.Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth
Someone told me today that I was beautiful, but I didn't feel like it. My hair was wet and drippy and I had no makeup on. I've been feeling a bit tired and weary from the journey. Maybe they saw something I don't. The truth is, it's a littl...e hard to believe someone when they say that about me. I think it's because men who have told me this- have hurt me and abandoned me. My Daddy didn't give me compliments much when I was growing up. I feel shy when someone gives me a compliment, although now I am gracious and thank them as a lady should. I love to tell others -especially little girls. I never want one to feel lowly or unlovely. I always tell my teenage daughters all the time. I wrote a piece like this a while back, but wrote a new one since I couldn't find it. Maybe I needed the reminder myself. Just because there are areas God is working on, doesn't mean the work in progress isn't beautiful.
I feel beautiful when:
When I'm lost in worship and His presence. When I smile at a stranger. When I sing a love song to Poppa God. When I am twirling in the rain or snow. When I am smelling roses. When I know I have made a difference in someone's life. When I wear dresses and heels. And be my girly girl self. When I see sunsets and feel gratefulness in my heart. When I go on walks with Poppa God in the cool of the night. When I wear my favorite perfume. People say I smell so good. When I hear ocean waves and smell the salty air. When I'm lost in a warm conversation that has caught my attention. When I run through crunchy leaves in the fall. When I'm proud of my children...Their precious lives makes me beautiful. When I know I'm glowing from the inside out. When I listen to a song that my heart relates to. When a child comes up to me and wraps their little hands around me. When the wind blows across my face...I take those moments as Poppa God kissing me. When my heart is tender during a beautiful moment. Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2013 All rights reserved. A Modern Day Ruth
Sometimes I wonder why I must walk this road. Sometimes it feels like this field is never going to be finished being gleaned. I know there's purpose. My faith must continue to remain steadfast, and it must turn it's ear away from these emotions. My tender heart aches. I trust in my Poppa God, even though I tire of the wait. I can imagine how Ruth felt as she pushed through with determination. She did not know the joy that was set before her. She just believed in the God of Naomi, the one she was faithful and loyal to. No matter how long it takes. May my stretched out trust in the unknown be certain that the Redeemer I love is unfailing. If there is anything I glean from this season, it is His wisdom, redemption, and Grace...Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth. Copyright 2013
I had the beautiful privilege of ministering to brides on a live marriage radio talk show today. The Lord was so present with us ladies as we shared. If you are struggling in your marriage, walking thru divorce or separation or have even found yourself walking the role of a "Ruth"....If you have been discouraged this message is for you ! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/transparency-in-christ/2013/09/13/transparency-in-christ-marriage-gods-way
Today I woke up with a heavy-feeling heart. I am aware that the healing process of my heart has been in stages and layers at a time. God is a gentleman. He works on us slowly and gently because He knows we can't handle it all at one time. This must be one of the hardest for me. I finally came to the truth in myself that I am afraid to ever allow myself to love a man ever again. I am full of love, but I don't trust myself to go there. I simply couldn't handle a heartbreak -not one more time. I have always loved with every breath of me -wholeheartedly and with no reservation. Now it's like a dam in my heart. All this love is stored up, but I just won't let the door open and let the flood gates of my heart flow again. I have been surrounded by beautiful, good, sweet loving caring men who love God. They have been dear brothers in Christ. They have been kind and encouraging. They have proved to me that there are godly decent men out there, but still I'm afraid. I no longer feel heartbroken or traumatized by the abuse, abandonment and betrayal I have endured, but that memory is so real, and I feel like at any moment someone will walk out the door of my life. Everyone I have loved has left. I know I am not responsible for the poor choices of men -that I allowed myself to love men who were simply unworthy of me. My choices of settling for less than the best than what I deserved. No woman deserves to be beaten, cheated on, or abandoned over and over. I know what I want, I know fully what I deserve, and I'm strongly set and have chosen to break the cycle of men who won't provide, who lie, who cheat, who only use words that are not backed up by their actions -men who play with hearts but don't commit.
There's that one piece of me that says- "Can I trust you?" I feel like saying to the man of my future, "Will you really be there? Will you stay true to me? Will you hold me when I'm weak ? Will you stay with me through anything? Will you be patient enough to assure me as many times as it takes that you are not going to walk out that door? Will the love I offer be enough for you? Will you value my heart and be careful with it? Will you see me as I really am, or will you just see the scars of my disappointments and broken past? Will you understand the pain and journey I walked and appreciate the strength and beauty I have come into because of it? Please don't walk into my life unless you know you will handle me gently, and that you can be a safe place for me to trust. I want to love. I want to trust you. I want to build dreams with you, make memories, build a life, laugh, play, sing, discover more of the depths of God, go on adventures, touch lives, encourage souls, make a difference, or do the impossible -but can I trust you?"
Out of all of this I hear Poppa God say, "Do you trust Me?" Wow... Do I trust my Heavenly Father that He won't allow me to be hurt this way again? Lord, Help me to be ever so close to You, that a man would have to go to You to even reach my heart, because I'm resting on Your chest -Your very bosom, hearing Your heart beat, and knowing I'm completely safe with You. ~ Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives, Copyright 2013
Naomi only knew tears and loss as she and Ruth began the long journey back to her homeland. Ruth was courageous to travel to a land she did not know -she only did it out of her pure devotion to Naomi. I can imagine as they took each step, they realized they were farther away from what they left behind...The memories, the love of their husbands, their homes and dreams. Strength and determination set in as they walked a trail of tears.
This road I have walked has had many bumps along the way: the feeling of rejection, the looks from others who didn't know the whole story, the feeling of complete isolation, a feeling of aimless wandering and dismay. Some days were a blur. I was on auto pilot just to keep going, to keep me and my kids moving forward. Going to what? where am I going? The trail of tears may seem so long, but I assure you -the flow of them will lessen as time goes on. Sometimes, as a single momma, it has felt like a road only a few walk. You feel like an outsider and you wish someone would care. Not only care- but not cast judgment, because when you do humbly reach out for help it feels like you receive scorn, or that people think you're out to get whatever for free. I can tell you, for the most part, that is not the case. It took everything just to ask for help. We just want the best for our kids as any Momma would want for her child. I think that the church can be cruel without knowing. They assume things and they treat single moms like outcasts, as if we did something wrong -like it's our fault that our husbands left. Women who have been abandoned....They just want to know it's going to be alright. We just want friendship. We want a helping hand when our hands are too full of burdens. We want to be loved...just simply loved. Our hearts have been through a shredder...ripped to pieces. We just want someone to say, "I am with you no matter what, and I am going to love you where you're at."
On this trail of tears many thoughts come through our minds. We go through an emotional war within ourselves as we battle against (and for) letting go of the feelings and attachments to the one we loved. Overcoming the rejection of being hurt and abandoned was a huge hurdle for me to jump over. It was like a huge boulder blocking my road, and I had to push and push against this huge thing in my life. I had to face it. I had to trust Poppa God that He loves me even if no man on this planet did. I did finally learn to climb over it. It was not easy. I had to reteach myself where my value came from. I had to learn that it wasn't from the man who left me, nor would it ever be from any other man on this earth. My value is from what God's view of me is...I'm loved, I'm special, I'm His favorite...the apple of His eye. As time passed on this road, I began to discover treasures for me to pick up along the way...Lessons. Wisdom. Truth. I began to embrace this road of suffering. I found there was purpose. I became stronger in my faith. Stronger in my walk with the Lord as I began to realize He is walking right beside me. I might not see Him or even feel Him at times, but when I look back over my shoulder I realized He was and has been all along. I don't feel like I am on a trail of tears anymore...I finally arrived in the strange land where Ruth decided to dwell. My heart no longer feels broken, but it still hasn't gotten easier -my journey has just shifted. I'm now in the field working. It's hard work; at times, exhausting. My burdens for others keep me gleaning wisdom in the field where Poppa God has assigned me. I am utterly grateful. So grateful for His goodness...His mercies and His grace. Written By Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives, Copyright 2013
