Ship Wrecked Heart

She's been sadder more days than happy and it's been a rough voyage on waters she never desired to sail in the first place. She felt her heart was ship wrecked and the waves of discouragement, struggle and hardship have been the waves thrashing her heart about. But she's clung to her anchor and held His hand in the midst of it all. She's found her safety on an island of His love. Her safe place has been underneath His wings. His light warms her up when she's cold from this disappointing world.
Written by Jenny Williams,
~ A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2015

Gathering Sheaves

She is tired of her journey
She's weary of gathering sheaves
She knows she can't give up
She has to keep on going.
She doesn't see the end of the field she's in
Her tears falling down are as numerous as the sea of white grain.
She wonders if this is all there is to her life.
She doesn't want to lead, she wants to be led.
She doesn't want to have to be strong
She desires to crumble into safe caring arms.
Her hair is whipping at her face
She feels hot...sticky from the heat of her troubles
She feels unlovely and unkempt.
She is sure others can smell her pain
Just like the sweat trickling down her back.
She wants to run...run far away
But she knows others depend on her
She's screaming inside for help to make it another day.

Psalm 88:1

Lord, you are the God who saves me. Day and night I cry out to you.

Psalms 130:1

 Lord, I cry out to you because I’m suffering so deeply.

Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth,  Copyright 2014

From Me To You

When I share and write about A Modern Day Ruth, it's because I'm living it. At first, to be honest, I didn't want to be walking the role of a Ruth. I wanted the "happy" part -the part when a Boaz sweeps in and everything is "happy ever after," but I discovered that I had to embrace it, learn from it, walk in it, and teach it. This is my assignment until He says otherwise. I share the real, the raw, and sometimes the not so pretty parts about being a Ruth. Preparation is being established in our lives. Pain becomes our beauty when we let it transform us from the inside out. I have found a strength I never knew I had. Poppa God is there with us every step of the way. It's only when we look at our pain, suffering, and disappointments that we seem to not see Him; but I hear Him say, "Baby Girl...I'm with you, just trust Me." I was told by someone who didn't even know me that If I trust God, He would take me into the greatest season I have ever known. I am already seeing the beauty when I look at the lives of those around me who are encouraged. To God be the Glory! Our stories become testimonies of His faithfulness. Don't let this time convince you that there is no purpose or joy coming. It's His promise. Ruth's love story is an example of it. Written By Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2014

So Tired

There are days when I feel stretched beyond what I want to be. My struggles have been miles too long, and hard to smile through. I don't want your sympathy, but maybe just a little bit of understanding. 

I feel tired of this journey -of being strong, of making sure to not lose it, but maybe that's just what I need to do -to let it out. A sob has been knocking on my throat. It's been wanting to escape for quite some time. I know Poppa God has been revealing Himself through these difficult and trustworthy days. My mind wants to wander and dream of brighter days. If I could just flutter away to some place pleasant and carefree, like a butterfly landing a sweet fragrant rose. 

Strength is never gained without pushing past one's normal point of trying. Muscles are toned by going one push further than your "possible" ...so is my growing faith. It's going past what I can see or feel in the natural. I know I'll be alright, but in this tiring moment, I just want to exhale away all my pain, fatigue, and the need to carry the cares of my sweet kids and me. 

I don't want to be the man anymore. I want to be taken care of, and I just want to be held.
No words need be spoken -just a warm embrace that won't judge or ask anything of me. 

Oh, that someone will see me out of my beautiful mess ...with acceptance and complete assurance, "I'm not leaving you, ever. I'm not going to hurt you or desert you." Maybe a gentle, smiling eye that reads, "I see your journey, your strength, and your pain...and I find you even more beautiful because of it." ~ A Modern Day Ruth, Jenny Williams Copyright 2014

I Have A Plan For You

You have been sitting in the ash heap of your broken heart and burned up dreams. You had to rest and be still there a while, because your pain was so immensely great. You felt stuck, but had to be still for Poppa God to heal you. He sat there next to you in your great pain and grief. At times you couldn't feel His presence, and this pained you, because the depths of emotion were so dark and lonely.... Many friends and family were there at the beginning, but they finally stopped hanging around. In your time of isolation, you were being held under the very wing of His love. His shadow was protecting you from the harsh exposure of your brokenness. You were laid out bare and feeling naked. False shame and the soot of your ashes made you feel unlovable and unworthy. You felt that all eyes saw only your mistakes and your rejections -your ashes; but He was washing you gently. Pulling out the splinters and shards of glass that penetrated your heart. The abandonment you felt was so heavy, you thought you could never be loved again, but He was with you all the time. Some nights were so long and so lonely, your tears fell like waterfalls. Your pillow was soaked at night. You bravely smiled in the daylight and told others you were fine. Your soul was being strengthened. Your resilience was emerging. Your faith was growing through the thickets and briers ...stronger, reaching high to the heavens. You didn't know this, but the saints were cheering you on. God Himself was holding your hand when no-one would comfort you. Your tears have been collected carefully in His perfume bottle. His oil of gladness is now replacing the sorrows for songs of joy. Rise up, Beloved. Out of your ash heap you will rise. He is pouring out His sacred, sweet oil on your head. He is the Glory and lifter of your head. Those who look to Him are radiant and their faces are never covered in shame. The traces of the ashes are no more. Your robes are radiant and white, glimmering like diamonds -just as the afternoon sun shines on a lake. There will be scars from what you overcame, but they are your marks of beauty for His glory and purpose. The pain will fade away, but your strength and faith will remain. You will rise, Darling. You will stand on the heap of the enemy, with his head crushed under your feet. You will walk in honor and beauty. You will be celebrated as one who is a mighty and brave warrior -a princess anointed as queen at the table of the King of Glory. Do you hear Him call out to you? "Rise up, Beautiful One. You are my Beloved, and I am faithfully yours." ~Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2013. Please share for encouragement purposes.

Can I Just Not Be A "Ruth" Today?

The holidays add a whole other ball game to the rough road and field that we are in as "Ruths". Sometimes I feel like people just don't understand the load and extra emotions we face. As a single momma of teenagers, I already struggle with paying the bills and putting food on the table. Add Christmas on top of that and it's hard...really hard. I cry at night when the kids are in bed. Certain songs trigger memories I would like to forget. Sometimes I just wish I could not be a "Ruth" for a day. My ideal fantasy world would be me on a cozy sofa drinking a Starbucks mocha and gazing at the flames in a fireplace. Lovely pretty creamy white stockings would be hanging from the mantle. Music would be playing and presents would be wrapped and under the tree with no worries. There would be a stable, godly man who loves me gazing and smiling at me. The kids would feel comfort and safety and their world wouldn't be so broken. That's my Christmas fantasy. For today, though, I just don't want to be a "Ruth" struggling in the field. I just want to be the "Ruth" who has her Boaz helping her and holding her -knowing he's never going to leave me. Written by Jenny Williams Copyright  2013