Wednesday, June 25, 2014

She Smiles Anyway

She wakes up every morning
Praying for strength for another day
She grabs some coffee and pours some hazelnut creamer
and  swallows a "sigh"
And she smiles anyway.

She starts to sing another hallelujah song
In her kitchen her lullabies become her prayers
She opens the window just to catch a summer breeze
She's hoping and praying
He hears her singing.
And she smiles anyway.

She's the one giving encouragement
and showing others she cares
but deep inside she's needing it too
She wishes she had another hand
to help with burdens she bears.
But she smiles anyway.

She sometimes goes without meals
so her three girls can eat
She's hungry often
She dreams of chocolate and juicy meat.
but she smiles anyway.

She hears a country song on the radio
She sees couples smiling and laughing
She thinks to herself-
"I'm so tired...I've been alone for too long."
She doesn't want to be the man anymore
She doesn't want to have to be so strong.

She smiles anyway...
and hopes for brighter days.
She lights scented candles
and hugs her kitty real tight
she snuggles with her baby girls
and kisses them goodnight

The house is eerily silent, she's up real late
She's tired of the fight
she's crying out for a mate
her arms are aching to be held.
She reminds Him of His promise
Where is he? The Boaz she will meet?

She silently prays in the wee hours of the night
her pillow is soaked by the numerous tears she's cried
But she smiles anyway...
It's what's holding her together and keeping her hanging on.

"Momma, I need money for the high school dance"
"I need braces and I accidentally broke my glasses again.
My shoes don't fit
I'm hungry, Momma
She hears them
and she just smiles again.

She gets down on her knees
the bill is weighing heavy, she cries
She clenches her bottle of oil
and prays silently
"You gotta help me, Lord tonight."
She barely can, but she smiles anyway.

She goes to church in her Sunday best
She sits alone and bravely she's smiling again.
She sees a wife rub her husband's back
She thinks to herself, "I wish I could do that again."
The sermon is good and she holds on to every word.
People smile and greet her and she doesn't say much
because she knows they expect her to say, "I'm fine."

She sees families and babies running around
She hears laughter and chatter
And she feels like her emotions are trying to make
her drown.
And she smiles anyway...
'cause she doesn't want them to see her cry.
It was so long ago that he left...
I know they expect her to move on.

She walks out of her church
and looks up into the bright blue sky
Oh how she wishes things were different
She wishes she could float away like a cloud from her life.

So she closes her eyes...
dreams...and smiles anyway..
because maybe one time her smile
will make it all go away..

~ Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth,  Copyright 2014

Saturday, June 21, 2014

She Was Free

She realized her heart would not be healed until she let go completely what she held so tight to. It felt so unnatural to let go of the man she loved so much. But she realized he did not love her and he was long gone. She was grabbing mere shadows of memories. There was nothing left but to trust God. That He had a different plan...a better one. God never restores less than better than before- this... I know. She could not imagine her life or heart loving any other. But loving memories wasn't going to sustain her or even love her back. She knew it was time to let go. Let go of the once sweet moments that made her feel so good....she had to let go hoping to be back in those few moments. A voice kept whispering to her heart...."Love is in front of you...never behind you." She fell to her knees and wept. And once and for all let go. She knew that once she got up off her floor there was no more trying to love the dead. There was no more looking over her shoulder to yesterdays...She was free. She put one foot in front of the other and finally began to trust God. Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2014 ~ A Modern Day Ruth

Friday, June 20, 2014

Kari Jobe - The More I Seek You w/lyrics

  This is my favorite worship song...Moments when I was in great despair and pain...His love kept me safe under His wings. I lost what I thought was love but in my complete brokenness I rediscovered it...The Holy Spirit is the greatest comforter and lover of my soul.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

A Prayer for All Ruths

Tonight, I pray for Ruth's to find their Boazes. For those who have lost love, who grieved, who healed, who bravely walked and moved forward, for those who have endured with their faith and gleaned the wisdom from the painful season, for those who have let go of their losses, faced their fears, and been honest with their mistakes, for those who have rejected the lies that they're not lovable, for those choosing to believe in love even though they have been disappointed or even been betrayed. I pray for you to find a love so true, so dear, so lavish, and so faithful...for love that is sweet and tender, but so safe and so holy. So divinely inspired and given from God. I pray you are celebrated, embraced, held and cherished... that you are given the greatest blessing of having a life partner to share and grow and build and dream with -someone to love you in your weakest and strongest moments and everything in between. I pray your days of the past are redeemed; the sting of the pain being completely gone, just like a woman who has endured great pain and suffering in labor and given birth to her child that she has now instantly fallen so deeply in love with. Her pain is forgotten. I pray this happens for you and for me. I pray the men who have waited so long for their sweet Ruth will no longer be lonely nor disappointed. That his arms never are empty. His life he's worked so hard to build will feel complete with her by his side. I pray this tonight. ~ A Modern Day Ruth, Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2014

Wisdom I learned as a "Ruth"

If you are trying so hard to get his attention...He's not the one. Boaz noticed her without her even trying.

There's wisdom during this season that you should discover and treasure. God brings His best treasures during your greatest adversities.

The faster you learn... the easier it is to work the field you are in.

Humility seems to be a character trait a Ruth must acquire. It's hard and I'm learning this. My circumstances are humble. No way to hide that but continue pressing on.

If he's noticed you, he will let you know. Boaz summoned his workers to find out about her.  He spoke to her and offered her a place at his table.

We feel lonely, but we are not alone. Notice the other women working in the field? They are in your same situation... just different details.

A Boaz requires higher standards than common men do. I must be an uncommon woman if I am going qualify to be somebody's Ruth.

Giving to others and encouraging others helps lessen my pain. Ruth was known in her community as a good woman who was unselfish. I hope that is how people see me.

I have to step into unfamiliar fields. I have to speak to people I don't know. I have to be brave. It's scary sometimes.

If your Boaz shows true interest, be brave enough to reach back.
I hope I can do this. I am sometimes shy. Also, it feels risky to possibly be rejected. But if Ruth didn't reach for Boaz, her story wouldn't have changed and we wouldn't have known about her legacy.

Some days seem really hard. I have to refocus when my pain is fogging up my hope or vision. Take a bubble bath, play some music, eat a piece of chocolate, spend alone time with Poppa God.

Appreciate the little things and the beauty in each moment or you will completely lose any joy you do have.
Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2014

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

A Ruth's Song

A song I wrote while taking a bath. It's my simple prayer and song for my future Boaz.
I want to wake up hearing him singing praises to You.
I want to know he's in his secret place honoring You.

I want a man who loves me like You do.

I want to grow with him....
I want to sow with him.
I want to sing with him.
I want to pray with him.
I want to worship with him.
I want to give with him.

And when I lay my head down on his chest at night- I hear him praying to you. He's my favorite good night. His love for you, Holy Spirit inspires me to draw closer to You.

I want to serve with him.
I want to dream with him.
I want to play with him.
I want to learn with him.
I want to build with him.
I want to love with him.

Wherever he goes I will follow ...because I know he follows after You.
I want a man who loves me like You do.

This is my humbled prayer and spontaneous song I sang today while taking a bath. I normally don't write all my songs down...But I want to remember this one because maybe I'll sing it some day on my wedding day. Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2014 ~ A Modern Day Ruth

— with Jenny Williams.