Friday, January 31, 2014

She Can

I feel like I have been this caterpillar that has been hidden in dark places for a long time. It was a place of transformation, a place of change in my heart and life. God has been gently working on me. At times I felt like giving up because it was so dark, so lonely, and so confining. I wrestled with destiny and my dreams. I had to let go of relationships that were unhealthy or dead. I had to shed the false words and labels people put on me...people who were jealous or just misunderstood me. They couldn't understand my tears, my pain or frustrations. I felt so stuck. I felt so depressed and worried that my life was always going to be dark and lonely. In this dark space where I have been dwelling, I have been clinging to His word and promises, at times feeling so silly and awkward that I was proclaiming all these things that did not mirror my current situation, or feeling like I'm never going to be loved passionately again, and telling that devil "NO" -that this strange gal was worth anything to anyone. At night my head would be spinning, but Poppa God Himself would not let me give up on my dreams or what He promised. I wriggled out of my old broken, abandoned, and rejected self and I am now different. Some people can accept the new me -the one who is walking in the fulfillment and purpose God has for me. Others cheer me on. I had to let my ears fall and deafen to any sounds of negativity, of people who criticize and like to see me fail. I chose the positive Word of God over poison from the enemy. It's been a little cramped in this holding tank...this cocoon of transformation. I feel restless and I am starting to see my wings emerging. What is this? It's not familiar, but I feel stronger. I'm a bit scared, but I know it's time to fly and soar. These wings will take me places, new places, new doors, new connections, new lovely and pleasant places; and I can rest when I need to. I can move to where I need to go. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can scale walls. I can speak to mountains that are in front of me. I can step on the necks of my enemies. My fears, doubts, and disbelief...I can crush them under my feet. His peace is upon me. How lovely are the feet of those who bring good news. I am cherished. I am loved deeply. I am accepted. I am favored and I am blessed. She got her wings....and now she can fly. ~ Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2014

Monday, January 20, 2014

Crazy Woman Who keeps On Moving

I am in the weirdest and quirkiest mood. I feel like eating organic chocolate with sea salt and dark baby leaf salad with balsamic dressing. I want to wear long knee-high socks and boxers and to paint on a huge canvas -rich deep colors of purple, magenta, plum, and turquoise...drink a glass of fireside vino...listen to Jeremy Riddle worship music. Maybe it's the delirium of the last 4 days. A physical fight that turned into a dual battle for my mind and faith. Being a Ruth on most days is not fun, but I have found victories are beautiful and so worth it. We wear them proudly on our soul. They remind us of God's faithfulness. I see these victories like shining ornaments or glittering badges. They are sewn onto us for eternity. They are the glimmering shining hope and constant reminder to the enemy of who we belong to and what God has brought us through. They remind the enemy of his failures. I fought pain for 4 days straight. Strong indescribable writhing...unrelenting pain. Morphine and Vicodin were not much as swords of men to fight this dragon that kept breathing it's venomous smoke of doubt that this pain would ever end.  If the enemy has my mind, he begins to get headway, but thank God there's always a strategy. There's always hope. There is always a name and a savior I can call upon between melt downs of tears. Friends were praying, and I even though I felt too weak to pray I knew it worked because I woke up this morning and was able to face this dragon and snuff out it's smoke. Is my pain gone? No. Is my life all better? No, but this battle was won. I conquered this one by the confession of my mouth and by speaking out loud the truth of who I am as a daughter of the Most High; and though I feel bloodied, tired and worn out, there's one more shiny reminder on my gown -a memorial to remind me of the victory I have in Christ Jesus. Life has battles, but we have the promised victory because Christ lives in us ....the hope of GLORY.  Written by this humbled but victorious woman- Jenny Williams Copyright 2014  A Modern Day Ruth

Philippians 3:12 NIV
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 NIV

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Love Story (As Featured in Virtue Magazine Feb/Mar 2014 Edition)

My love story is different than some...One day, the true love of my life walked out the door for the last time. It was one of the most painful and devastating times imaginable, but I knew I had to keep going, and it was only by the grace of God that I did. I started Ruby Wives Ministry, and it was growing by leaps and bounds. I had no idea that during my own heart shattering crisis, God would make something good come out of my ashes. My humbled and naive idea of helping other hurting women who were silently struggling in their marriages while dealing with separation or divorce, would turn into something bigger than I could ever plan. It was really stepping out onto the water for me, because I didn't even know how to make a Facebook page at the time. I was crying in a crumpled heap on my pile of laundry when I heard His almost audible voice whisper to my heart: "I want you to take these women with you on this journey."

Two and a half years later, thousands of women and even men have become faithful readers of our pages that offer simple prayers, wisdom, and encouragement for spouses. God allowed my brokenness and reflection of the mistakes I made as a wife to become wisdom gems to share with others. Through transparently shared struggles about my own journey of healing, our readers responded openly and thanked me because they could relate. My tears became their comfort, because they felt they were not alone. My surrendered weakness to God became my new-found strength as well as theirs, because they were dealing with similar circumstances. Then came the newly wed brides, the happily married wives...women of different circumstances and statuses, broken or abandoned...they all became fans. I realized that as I was learning and gleaning wisdom and sharing it with wives, a positive growth and change was happening. It was contagious. Praise God! It was all His beautiful plan unfolding before me. Letters poured in from around the world with reports of marriages being restored and women being encouraged. My heart has been so overabundantly blessed, and even though things haven't turned out the way I thought they would, or the way I wanted them to, God revealed to me that He has always had a plan, and that He knew what was best for me. He built a full time ministry out of my broken mess and ashes, and He built a new dream in me. Beauty had come.

One thing I have learned through this beautiful, crazy and amazing journey, is that we all have one thing in common: a broken heart is a broken heart. Pain is pain. Marriage troubles are the same everywhere, no matter who you are or where you are from. The internet is a way to reach women in all parts of the world. Barriers are broken by it. I have had countless pastors' wives who were hurting in silence because their spouse was having an affair, struggling with addictions, etc., write to me for advice and prayers. They felt safe reaching out for help online.

Through this process, I finally came to a certain place of healing and surrender in my heart, I saw that God had an even bigger plan, and that I was not to look backward anymore. I found that my love story isn't over, it's being rediscovered and revised by the One who created love in the first place. Thus, A Modern Day Ruth was born. God revealed that the "Ruth" of this generation is primarily the woman who has been abandoned, divorced because of circumstances beyond her control, or has experienced abuse and neglect. The Modern Day Ruth is a woman who has experienced a devastation or even spiritual and emotional "death." Her husband has died to her and the family, and has walked away.

We live in a society where if it isn't easy or if it needs fixing, we will just go get a "new one" and people end up discarded as if they're replaceable things. It's so sad. Our world would be a happier and better place if people valued and honored marriages and families. What's worse is that the very place where women like us should find refuge comfort and support -the church- often judges, condemns, and turns its head away from these women. Many times I, myself, have felt that the Christian family I thought would be there for me, looked at me like I was the woman with the scarlet letter, as though I was someone who slept around. I was surprised to find that this is the perception some people have of single moms. That was definitely not the case for me, and even if it was, what would Jesus do? He never condemned the woman at the well, nor did he throw a stone at the woman who supposedly was caught in the act of adultery. I see the story of the woman at the well as tragic. She must have had her heart severely broken several times. She must have been abandoned, rejected, lied to, used, and promised false forevers... I often wish I could go back in time and hug that woman in the Bible and tell her I love her and that she's going to be alright, but Jesus did it for me.

Now, as I walk this role of A Modern Day Ruth and as a leader of women, I continue to reach out to as many as possible, to remind each one that her love story doesn't just end in heartache and tears, and that her life isn't going to be just struggle and pain. I know she faces tear-stained pillow nights and wrestles with ongoing loneliness. She wakes up to difficult days of surviving while trying to take care of her children...the family her husband left behind. Though Ruth was a widow, she ended up having her season of heartache turn to a lifetime of joy, and the promise of a lasting legacy. I am many times reminded of the words that are engraved upon my heart, and I have clung to them often: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Everyone has a love story. Sometimes that love story doesn't turn out the way you wish it would have. Maybe you're fighting for your love story right now to continue -fighting to keep your marriage alive, or your fairy tale dream may already have been shattered or ended in disappointment. Mine is that God took my messed up, abandoned, and broken heart and held me. He cradled me in the midst of my sheer agony and emotional turmoil. He didn't save my marriage, but He saved me. He gave me purpose and He took each piece of my heart and mended me, making me stronger and better than before. I have come to know that in Him I do have my happy ever after, and my love story with Him is still beautifully unfolding. Written by Jenny Williams Copyright 2014

Monday, January 13, 2014

Warning Signs You Are Involved With Someone Dangerous

Warning signs you are falling for a "Bad Boy" Man.

 *He gives you an emotional high, but he doesn't sustain a real relationship with you.
* He hides personal information. He won't share his passwords for his phone, email, etc.
* He talks about and compares you to his past girlfriends/wives.
* He doesn't respect your body. He won't wait until marriage to sleep with you.
* He disappears for hours, days, or weeks at a time. He makes up excuses why you couldn't reach him or he was unable to contact you.
* He doesn't provide. He may talk of working, but doesn't hold a job long. He will always use a new excuse. You end up paying most of the time or for everything.
*He doesn't mind that you compromise your morals and values to be with him.
* Your relationship has to be hidden and kept a secret from your family, friends and those you respect.
* He makes you feel like it's your fault if you have a fight. He turns his wrongdoings onto you. He manipulates everything in his favor.
* He blames others for past relationship failures and does not acknowledge his mistakes or actions. It's usually a sob story of someone abusing him or using him.
* He changes his stories and breaks his promises. He doesn't follow through most of the time. When he does, it's short lived and then he's right back into the damaging behavior.
* He's a charmer. He knows just what to say to hook you in again. He says the words you want to hear but does not back up his words with actions.
* He will talk with you about spiritual things and God to draw your affection towards him, but he does not live a spiritual or godly lifestyle. He uses scriptures to manipulate you.
* He has to hide his texts, phone numbers, emails to stay in contact with you.
* He has a criminal background and he undermines his mistakes or says he didn't do it.
* He angers easily over small things and gets erratic when confronted with truth.
* He enjoys violence and is proud of beating his peers up.
* He gives a reason why he can't leave the other girlfriend. Run.
* He harbors addictions: Smoking, alcohol, porn, etc. He has an excuse why he won't give them up.
* He has no problem with sleeping around outside of marriage. He'll have an affair, a drinking/drug binge, etc., and have no remorse later.
* He relies on you or has other women take care of him. It should be the other way around.
* He moves a lot. He crashes or stays with friends or other women until he's outlived his welcome.
* He makes you feel bad about yourself. Your appearance, your strengths, your weaknesses... he makes you feel not good enough.
* He dishonors and disrespects people in authority, your parents or people you look up to.
* He is overly jealous if another man looks in your direction or speaks with you.
* He is constantly suspicious of you having an affair or possibly cheating on him.
* He doesn't have goals or dreams that he strives to achieve.
* He uses depression/suicide attempts as control or manipulation to get you to stay in the relationship.
* He has you hang onto "what we used to be" -those happy up in the clouds feelings, but it never gets that way again, or if it does it's just temporary.
* He leaves you abandoned. He leaves at the drop of a hat. Comes and goes as he pleases and won't give you real answers.
* He asks for your money that you earn. He promises to pay back but doesn't. He steals or uses your account without your consent.
* He has you spending more of your energy pleasing him than he you. 

* You somehow end up supporting his bad habits...buying his cigarettes, alcohol, etc.
* You spend more time in the relationship on your knees crying for him to love you, to change, or to have your happy ever after with him. If you are crying and hurting most of the time- this is NOT love. True love should never hurt this much.

 Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2013 

Friday, January 10, 2014

Grocery Aisle

A few evenings ago I was pushing a grocery cart in a discount food store. As I came up the aisle, a nice older gentleman smiled at me. My normal response was to smile back and I continued scanning the area for my items. When we came across each other again the next aisle over, we exchanged smiles once more. I noticed he smelled nice...not because of cologne or aftershave, he just had a nice clean manly smell. At that moment I felt like breaking down in the middle of the aisle and saying, "Please hold me, Sir." Since I'm not crazy or desperate, I didn't act upon my thoughts, but inside I silently sighed and cried just a tiny bit. I was feeling so depleted from having to be strong. My body ached to not feel alone. I just wanted to bury my nose in that kind man's jacket shirt and feel safe. I know it would have been totally ridiculous, and I would never really do that- because I'm a lady. It didn't help that my nose was being super bionic...every aisle I shopped this distinguished man's natural scent hauntingly wafted over to me. He also seemed to needlessly cross my path in every aisle...along with his friendly grin. Oh, that silly nose...Written By Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2014

Thursday, January 9, 2014

It Ain't Easy

Being a modern day Ruth isn't easy. Sometimes that ache in your heart nags at you and reminds you of the love you used to have. You have lost everything, but you keep hanging onto a dream that one day you will be loved again. You push yourself past your painful circumstances and continue to be faithful in serving others. Some nights you fall asleep with tears running down your face, but you don't let anyone know, because you have had to be strong for far too long. God whispers His love words in your ears and reminds you to trust in His promises. Sometimes the field you're in seems so vast and wide, and your assignment during this season seems so long. Your character and perseverance is being tested to the max. You wonder how much longer you can smile and keep going. Obstacles you have encountered have been making you strong. In these lonely moments, remind yourself that God is faithful and His love is everlasting. No man can fill your soul. Only He can. Just be busy about His business. Embrace the process of being refined, and when you least expect it, your Boaz will see you from across the field. ~ Jenny Williams,  A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2013

Monday, January 6, 2014

Ruth In Process

As I am walking the road of living as A Modern Day Ruth I have learned to not just twiddle my thumbs and waste away waiting for my promised Boaz. I have embraced the process of gleaning wisdom and allowing Poppa God to heal my heart. He has been leading me to grow deeper in my faith and to go to higher places. I am not here just to get a man and to be loved. There is purpose and meaning to this season of my life. I walked through two years of being honest with myself and acknowledging the areas I could do better or needed real change. My self esteem was one of them. I never had the earthly Daddy I desired -one who would love me and have a relationship with me. I would have been a great Daddy's girl. My heart still aches from not ever having that, but I now know my worth and value are not based on this. I finally came to a place where I didn't have to have a date on a Friday night. I don't need a boyfriend to feel special or loved. I'm okay. This was huge for me to get to this point in the process. All the men in my life have disappointed and hurt me. I finally looked in the mirror and realized that I had to break the cycle of settling for less than what I deserved and needed as a daughter of God. No more men that beat me, abandon me, who don't provide for me, etc. I'm better than all that. I may be waiting for a Boaz who is wanting a Ruth. I had to ask God, "What do I need to do to prepare for him to come into my life?" Ruth in the Bible walked a long road of tears, pain and overcoming obstacles. She was faithful to her mother-in-law and to the Lord whom she embraced. She worked in the field she was assigned to...she gleaned. She worked in the hot sun to provide food for Naomi and herself. She was moving forward in life. She could have given up and gone back to what was easier and more familiar to her, but she didn't. This is how one of the greatest love stories ever known unfolded...she met her Boaz on the other side of that field. Suddenly her life of sorrows changed to life of joy and happiness. God gave her better than she had before. Her destiny came to pass. I know the special man that comes into my life will respect and appreciate the journey I have been on. He will see my strength and my faithfulness to God in the midst of great adversity. He will celebrate me with love and cover me. He will want to help make my days be brighter and wipe away those tears of heartache and frustration. God has someone for you. Just be patient and embrace the process. Don't forget: God restores what was lost. It may not be the way you are expecting, but it will always be better than before. Hang on, Beloved. Your sudden Boaz will come. Be ready for love again. Be ready to all that you can be to bless someone else. Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2014

Friday, January 3, 2014


I wrote this in 2011...It was during one of the most painful heartaches of my life. I was once again left alone and rejected. As I read these words, I could see the pain through every word, but even in the middle of great loss and depression- even then I knew Poppa God was with me. I'm so grateful I'm no longer in that darkness and pain. God really does heal our brokenness and brings purpose and hope again. I'm so in love with God because of the journey He has brought me through. I'm in love with the life He is unfolding before me. It's beautiful.
I look through the kaleidoscope of my emotions, crashing down in colors of pain.

The looking glass is dark and murky-

I can't seem to find my way

The windshield of my future is fogged up

by countless tears that fall like endless rain.

Desperately, I cling closely to You

Blindly, I find I'm in a meadow of dark shadow

I realize we're swaying quietly and real slow

But I can't hear the music or the meaning of its beat

Just the sound of my heart bleeding out

into deep pools and puddles at my feet.

The air is misty and grey,

The vapors of my broken dreams rising -they are no more

Strangely I feel this meadow is somehow safe

And I hear You whisper my name.

Written By Jenny Williams , A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2014, 2011