I've been through a lot in my life: heartaches, disappointments, illnesses, and hardships. But honestly, it feels like this past month and a half has been absolutely brutal- the biggest and most physically painful battle of my life. My kids and family have been hit hard. I've questioned myself and God,
"Why is this one so hard? Why so long and so brutally difficult? What on earth have I done to provoke the enemy to be this persistent to attack?" I really don't know, but I am moment to moment clinging to what faith I know and being cradled in the prayers of many. I don't understand, but I'm walking blindly in the dark holding Jesus' hand. I guess higher levels of His calling require higher levels of trust and faith.
I am in tears as I write this, because even in the sheer agony of these moments, I still believe...and that in itself is the miracle. Without Poppa God, all would be lost -there would be no more hanging on. I'm sure one day I will look back and see the good that came from this. His word promises that all things work together for good to those who love Him.
I see the posts on our ministry pages and the private messages from people who say "Thank you for sharing your pain and journey." They're helping me have hope. I cry with them. I cry and pray for each one, and they don't know how truly hard it is...then I really get humbled...the kind of lowering of self that says, "God, You are God..."
No matter how raw, low, and sad things seem, still beauty and healing are brought out, even from the most lonely, dark, and hopeless hours. If one transparently exposed tear points a crying soul to the Almighty, it will be worth it all. No reward on this planet may come, but knowing that someone is eternally clinging to God Makes it worth it all.
Tears fall, hearts pound even while bleeding, struggle appears as weakness to those who judge, yet in it all He still shines brighter. He still conquers. He still wins, and that qualifies me as a winner too. ~ Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2016
This song has been singing to my heart this past week.