Monday, February 24, 2014

Her Afternoon Love Song

You are precious to me...Holy Spirit.
You are precious to me...Like the afternoon sun on a lake, shining.
Like the sunset of colors...You seduce me with Your love.
Nothing on this earth could compare or satisfy.
I'm intoxicated by your loveliness. Your fragrance is sweet to me.
You have stamped your name on my fragile heart
Pouring Your wax over me and sealing your love song within.
I never knew I could ever be so this in love.
You have captivated me with Your holy fire.
You have captured me by Your goodness and mercy.
You are precious to me...Holy Spirit.
You are precious to me...Like thousands of glimmering diamonds.
Your brilliance blinds me...You take me away with Your love.
Jesus, Lover of my soul. Nothing else satisfies like You. <3
~ Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2014

Thursday, February 20, 2014

So Tired

There are days when I feel stretched beyond what I want to be. My struggles have been miles too long, and hard to smile through. I don't want your sympathy, but maybe just a little bit of understanding. 

I feel tired of this journey -of being strong, of making sure to not lose it, but maybe that's just what I need to do -to let it out. A sob has been knocking on my throat. It's been wanting to escape for quite some time. I know Poppa God has been revealing Himself through these difficult and trustworthy days. My mind wants to wander and dream of brighter days. If I could just flutter away to some place pleasant and carefree, like a butterfly landing a sweet fragrant rose. 

Strength is never gained without pushing past one's normal point of trying. Muscles are toned by going one push further than your "possible" is my growing faith. It's going past what I can see or feel in the natural. I know I'll be alright, but in this tiring moment, I just want to exhale away all my pain, fatigue, and the need to carry the cares of my sweet kids and me. 

I don't want to be the man anymore. I want to be taken care of, and I just want to be held.
No words need be spoken -just a warm embrace that won't judge or ask anything of me. 

Oh, that someone will see me out of my beautiful mess ...with acceptance and complete assurance, "I'm not leaving you, ever. I'm not going to hurt you or desert you." Maybe a gentle, smiling eye that reads, "I see your journey, your strength, and your pain...and I find you even more beautiful because of it." ~ A Modern Day Ruth, Jenny Williams Copyright 2014

He Walked Away: How To Overcome Heartache

                                                                                               Previously Written and posted April 2013

I kept waiting night after night for his truck to pull into the driveway. I slept in his t-shirt just to keep his scent near me. My days were blurred in a thick foggy haze. I barely slept, I barely ate, I lost the desire to live. I was truly heartsick. I can still remember my teenage son's voice saying, "Mama...don't you think it's time you slept upstairs in your bed again?" I felt so lost. I told myself he would come back; that somehow his truck had broken down and that he wasn't able to call. I tried to reason with my heart that he wasn't really gone; that he would be back. I was completely heartsick. I never really fully understood what the words meant when someone said their heart was broken. Oh, the sure pain of it surreal. I don't take those words for granted anymore. I have learned to pray, comfort, listen and hold someone's hand when they say those words. I am so eternally grateful for Poppa God walking me through that difficult time in my life. He truly healed that shattered broken heart, and then He gave me a purpose -even a rare beauty out of what was meant to destroy me. It's been several years now and those memories have faded, but I have not forgotten. What should you do when your heart is broken? Here are some things that helped me through that painful season:

* If someone has left you, don't beg and plead for them to stay or come back. The best advice my grandmother gave me was: "If a man wants to walk, let him walk."  Begging, pleading, crying, manipulating, or pining for them to stay will only prolong your pain and suffering and that of your children. If someone wants to stay they will do it out of their own free will. You can't force someone to love you or to be faithful to you. Love is a choice, so let them choose. I know it hurts. I know you can't imagine your life without them, but you have to let them decide on their own.

* Decide and determine in your heart that you will hold onto God no matter what. It's not His fault that a human you loved disappointed you. Cling to His promise that He will never leave you or forsake you. Cry out to Him. Pray. Choose to read His word, stay in church. Even if you feel like your world is falling apart remember that you are in the palm of His hand and He will carry you. He is closer than a brother and a friend at all times. Let Him hold you and comfort you. He can handle your pain and your tears. Life may not make sense right now but life will get better again. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning.

* Reach out to someone you can trust; a prayer partner, a best friend, a pastor or mentor. Let them know what's going on. A true friend will care and be there for you during difficult times. Don't allow the lies of the enemy to tell you that you have to go through this alone. You need help during this time and it's okay to admit that. Ask others to pray for your strength, peace of mind, healing in your heart to take place.

* Remember to take care of your body. When you go through heartache your overwhelming feelings invade you and you may forget to eat. Your appetite may be completely gone. Choose to at least eat some protein and drink water daily to keep yourself  hydrated.

* Choose to live life. You probably want to stay in bed all day and do absolutely nothing. Force yourself to get up and get out of the house. Go for walks, see a movie with a friend, grab coffee and read the Word. I know it feels like your life is void and empty, but whatever you do, do not stop living. If you were happy before this person came into your life, you can be happy again without them. It will just take time.

* In the moments when you are completely overwhelmed by the grief and surges of feelings, have a friend you can call or text so they can pray for you. Sometimes the pain in your heart will feel like a sneaker tidal wave. You may feel completely like your drowning, but imagine yourself holding onto God's hand. He is right beside you and He will not let you be consumed. He is your anchor during the storm. Allow yourself to feel the pain and remind yourself that these feelings are temporary and they will pass. Breathe.

* Take time to reflect. You can't do a thing about the person who broke your heart, but you can reflect and think about what you could do differently. Listen to God's voice and be honest with yourself. It's a healthy approach to admit your mistakes and to glean wisdom from them. Ask God to show you what was unhealthy about the relationship. The truth sets us free. Don't beat yourself up though and do not condemn yourself. Don't blame yourself for everything either. It takes two people to have a relationship. Everyone has something they can do better and things to work on.

* Determine in your heart that you will forgive the person who hurt you. It doesn't mean you don't feel the pain anymore. It doesn't mean you are letting them off the hook -it means letting God deal with them. It means that you choose to walk in God's love. He can deal with people's hearts better than we can ourselves. I know it hurts. I know you're angry. I know you feel betrayed. It's okay to feel these feelings, but make the decision to forgive them. Ask God to help you in this. God can handle your feelings. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision.

* Do not choose to date or get involved in another romantic relationship until a lengthy time has passed. It's the worst mistake you can make. To start dating while your heart is broken is like walking around with a broken foot on novocaine. When the numbness wears off you will hurt even more. The damage will be greater. A second heartache is worse than first. Trust me -I know. Just because you feel better does not mean you are completely healed and ready for a relationship. Healing of a broken heart takes time. It's a process. God is a gentlemen and He heals our hearts one layer at a time, like an onion. Do yourself and the other person a favor -guard your heart. Get healthy first.

* Do special things for you. You are worth it. Go for walks, exercise, get a pedicure. Pamper yourself. Pamper a girlfriend. Do something kind for a neighbor. Do things that are stress relieving. Comfort yourself by surrounding yourself with good people and good atmosphere. Buy candles. Try a new hobby. Join a choir. Do it for you.

* Remember that tears are part of the process. It doesn't mean you are going backwards. A memory, a song or a smell might trigger feelings of the person who left you. Allow yourself to feel the pain and then move forward. Tears are cleansing, they're part of how God designed us to heal. He cares about you and the tears that fall on your pillow at night. So much that He actually records them in heaven.

* Avoid seeking comfort from places and things that will only temporarily numb your pain. Stay away from alcohol, drugs, sex outside of marriage, online dating services, or people who are a bad influence. All these things may feel good for a while, but your life will end up in destruction. Seek comfort from Jesus, His word, your friends, church, etc. Anything that is good, pure, lovely -think on those things.

* Know and remember that your pain and broken relationship are not your identity. You are lovable. You are a child of God. Nothing you can do can separate you from His unfailing love for you. He loves you right where you're at. Your mess is not who you are. Just because someone stopped loving you does not mean that you are unlovable. That is a huge lie of the enemy to try to destroy your confidence and self esteem.

Praying for you, Dear one. God is with you in this season. Love will bloom again on the branches of your heart. Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives. Copyright 2013. All rights reserved. Please feel free to share for encouragement purposes. All scriptures are taken from the  NIV Bible Version.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

 Hebrews 13:5
Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Psalm 51:17
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Simply Me

She's not perfect but she tries. She dreams bigger than her reach. She laughs at herself and her silly ways. When nobody is watching she dances in her kitchen to music and praise. She breathes sea air and squishes her toes on a sandy beaches. Singing to Poppa God in a bubble bath is her favorite thing. Sunsets make her grateful. She's true country in her blood and her faith is found with deep unrelenting roots. She feels pretty in her lace Sunday dress and wears her aqua boots. Coffee is her sane addiction. Chocolate is her pleasure along with good meaningful conversation. She fights for what she believes in...she's a pajama wearing prayer warrior. She's loyal to those she holds dear. Music is like blood flowing in her veins. She writes, sings, creates and her brain is always inspired. She loves to talk to all of God's little creatures...they are her friends. She loves satin ribbons and things that sparkle and glimmer. Her feet love pretty shoes and pedicures. She's been a beautiful mess but she is blessed. She's a proud momma and always will be. She's had broken wings, but now she soars to greater heights; and the wind of the Holy Spirit causes her to fly in heavenly places. She is...a daughter of the Great King. She's simply me. ~ Jenny Williams, Copyright 2014

Saturday, February 15, 2014

What I Wish I could Say To My Stalker

Stalker situations are so frustrating. I wish this woman would see the her own worth and value in Christ and choose to present and write her own authentic words and messages instead of trying to carbon copy my own personal testimony and life. It's fine to learn from others; to be mentored and to glean wisdom from them, but it's a not-so-fine line you have crossed when you start using their personal life and successes and try to make them known as your own.

Dear Sister in Christ -a few words I want to say to you, dear: Value yourself and take pride in what you do. God made you unique. He placed your own message within you. Trying to carbon copy another person is insulting not only to that person, but to the Creator. Love yourself. Love the personal and REAL message God has placed within you, then your message will be honest and authentic. Your own style, photos, writings and message are enough, you don't need to use mine.

You want to grow and be successful, but you are going about it the wrong way. Don't use my original writings without proper acknowledgement. It's unethical and wrong to steal and use someone's writings without honoring or acknowledging the name of the author.  This should be a primary rule and known etiquette as a Christian writer. You should learn and follow this principle. Also, if you desire to permanently use my paragraphs or descriptions from my pages and other social media content or websites, it's proper to ask first. Stealing someone's writings and personal comments is still stealing even if you just change a few words to try and make it your own. It's called plagiarism and it's breaking the law. Also stalking a person on the internet is called cyber stalking....This too is breaking the law. I just thought you should know. 

By the way, you can never carbon copy me completely. I am a one of a kind woman, fashioned from Poppa God. My anointing is from Him. Accept and love yourself. Be who God intended you to be. You do not need ride on the hem of my robe to be successful. It's flattering that you admire me, but if you're going to be unethical and steal my identity and original writings, I can't help you, and neither can God bless you to the fullest in your own ministry. Mentoring is a privilege earned when you respect the one who is teaching. Honor God and others....HONOR is the key piece of wisdom. I believe in you. I believe that you can turn this around and use this as a valuable lesson. Hurting others to advance yourself is really not going to get you where you need to go. I love you and I'm praying for you and I ask that you please stop using my property without permission, and especially cease using my personal details and life story and pretending they're your own.  It's creepy and disturbing. Please be yourself.
If you do not stop using my personal comments, photos, articles, and anything of mine that I have written or posted on any of my pages or websites- Including any social network posts of mine- I will have to expose your name and ministry. I feel its wrong to mislead others using a false persona...You are harming others in doing so. Truth will catch up with you.

Sincerely and unapologetically, Me- Jenny ( RW Ministries  Copyright 2014 )  A Modern Day Ruth and Ruby Wives

Sincerely, Me

In The Pouring Rain

I woke up to feeling sad and broken. Healing must be on an unknown time schedule. Yesterday was "the" anniversary, and I was caught off guard with memories that knocked on my heart. I wasn't prepared. I handled it as best as I could and smiled through the evening, but inside I wanted to cry. A man and his wife were sitting at a table next to me. He left for about 15 minutes and came back. He carried the strong scent of cigarettes- the brand "he" smoked. It taunted me. It smelled like him. I had no place to escape to. It was as though all of a sudden I was standing in the pouring rain with no umbrella. I had no shelter, just the cold memories soaking through to my skin. I really loved him. I adored him. Thank God that sudden showers are short-lived. I guess the sad realization is that there will always be a love for him, no matter what I do. I'm not giving in to it, though. I don't live to wait for someone who refuses to love me back. I remind myself that it was just a storm, and the sun will come out again. I am shivering cold, so... Poppa God, hold me, and keep me safe and warm. ~ Written by Jenny Williams,  A Modern Day Ruth   Copyright 2014