Showing posts with label single momma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single momma. Show all posts

Friday, December 6, 2013

Can I Just Not Be A "Ruth" Today?


The holidays add a whole other ball game to the rough road and field that we are in as "Ruths". Sometimes I feel like people just don't understand the load and extra emotions we face. As a single momma of teenagers, I already struggle with paying the bills and putting food on the table. Add Christmas on top of that and it's hard...really hard. I cry at night when the kids are in bed. Certain songs trigger memories I would like to forget. Sometimes I just wish I could not be a "Ruth" for a day. My ideal fantasy world would be me on a cozy sofa drinking a Starbucks mocha and gazing at the flames in a fireplace. Lovely pretty creamy white stockings would be hanging from the mantle. Music would be playing and presents would be wrapped and under the tree with no worries. There would be a stable, godly man who loves me gazing and smiling at me. The kids would feel comfort and safety and their world wouldn't be so broken. That's my Christmas fantasy. For today, though, I just don't want to be a "Ruth" struggling in the field. I just want to be the "Ruth" who has her Boaz helping her and holding her -knowing he's never going to leave me. Written by Jenny Williams Copyright  2013






Friday, November 1, 2013

I wanna Be Real




I woke up with the song "I Want To Be Real" by Chris August on my mind. Music is always my heartbeat. I think that sometimes I think in lyrics. I am always singing a song around the house when I'm alone. Worship time is my favorite time. Music flows through my veins like blood. I like this song because I can so relate to the words. I just want to feel safe -safe to be me and not be afraid of being left or deserted. I just want to be me -all the time. I don't want to have the guard up...the walls up. Some days I just want to collapse in someone's arms and just be told everything is going to be alright...that I don't have to be strong anymore...that I can let go and rest...that they are not going to walk away or break my heart. I just want to be real. ~ Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013.

I want To Be Real by Chris August  http://youtu.be/qy4DqMUavdI





Thursday, October 24, 2013

How I Do It (Tips To Keep Going)


Some say, "How do you do it ?" This road and field ain't easy, and truthfully, there are times when I emotionally break down because the load is too much. Being a single Momma was not my ideal for my life or my amazing kids. I sometimes have to bravely put on a smile, even if inside I don't feel it. I have to pull up a scripture or promise and dwell on it. If I can't break through on my own, then I call my core encouragers and prayer support. It's never demeaning or weak to call reinforcement when the enemy of your life is attacking. That's what the body of Christ is for. When I'm lonely I tell Poppa God. When I feel defeated I try to speak out loud the word and declare His promises. I speak opposite of what I'm feeling, because faith comes by hearing the Word. I listen to positive messages from godly mentors and speakers. If I feel weary, I remind myself that I need to spend worship time and sing to the Holy Spirit...I sing love songs in my alone time with God. When I start feeling sorry for myself I look around to find someone else who needs encouragement. My heart gets happy if I know I have made a difference in someone's else's life. Sometimes if I have been holding things in too long, I break down and cry. It's healing and a release. Jesus, says to cast all our burdens on Him because He cares for us. He will never be too overwhelmed with our troubles. He can handle our list. We must trust Him and release it all. If I am physically shutting down, then I know I need a good old fashioned cat nap. This gives me a fresh perspective. More importantly, I just live one moment at a time because, honestly, one day at a time is too hard. God is my strength and my portion, He doesn't expect us to do it alone or on our own strength. In Him we live and move and have our being. Always remember that this is a temporary season. ~Love, Jenny, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2013. All rights reserved.

Monday, October 21, 2013

I'm Here For You


My heart hurts today. It aches for those who are walking through a season of brokenheartedness. I know that pain is so surreal. I lived it. I breathed it. I cried those thousands of tears. I know the depth of betrayal and being traded for another lover. I know how it feels to give 110 percent to the one you loved and valued, only to feel unloved and unappreciated. I know the nights of crying out to God praying for your loved one to come home. I know that moment you trust them once more and they fail you again. I know the fears. I know the days of not being able to eat because your heart is so sick and distraught. I know the emotional waves that come crashing down, and you wonder if you can survive them. I know the aching need to remove the anguish and finding out there is nothing to numb it away. I know the sleepless nights when you analyze everything you did or didn't do right -wondering what it was that made that person walk out the door, and why they won't love you the way they said that they did.
I know all of these things. I just want you to know, dear one, it will get better. I know it feels like your world has been ripped out from under you, and that it feels like everything is over, but even in the midst of great brokenness, there is still a plan. I know you can't possibly see it right now because you are so engulfed in your pain and disappointment, but someday you will. In my heart I kneel beside you and I hold your hand. I am praying for you. May the God of all comfort surround you with His sweet peace. May His presence be so real to you in this dark time. May you find Him ever so close to you. He knows the pain of betrayal and brokenness. He knows what rejection feels like, and He is with you. He is crying with you. He loves you and He will never forsake you. Cling to the faith that you know. Rest your head upon His chest. Hear His beating heart for yours. God is for you and not against you. You will get to the other side, beloved. You will. ~ Love, Jenny from Ruby Wives and A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2013

Thursday, October 3, 2013

To The One (Dear Daughter)



To the one who woke up and her heart still feels heavy 
-she thought her nightmare would finally turn to sweet dreams.
To the one who has known so many tears 
-she feels her soul is like waterfalls.
To the one who can't believe she is getting back up again after feeling like she has failed once more.
To the one who wishes her Daddy would have held her, hugged her, and told her she was beautiful when she was a little girl.
To the one who never feels like she fits in the crowd, and wonders what is wrong with her.
To the one who feels like she isn't good enough, strong enough, pretty enough.
To the one who just wants to be held and her arms ache for warmth and tender loving care.
To the one who feels betrayed and forgotten and feels no one cares.
To the one who has seen nothing but ashes and broken dreams
and is afraid to even begin to dream again.
To the one who feels misunderstood and judged by others about her circumstances.
To the one who can't see sunshine, rainbows or silver linings because the night has been so long for her.
To the one who feels every step forward is so difficult and a struggle  
-she feels weary from her travels.
To the one who feels lost and can't find her way 
-she doesn't know what to do and where to go.
To the one who has deep wounds that don't seem to heal fast enough.
To the one who has to be the provider, the Momma and the Daddy 
-she just wants to be taken care of too.
To the one who has cried out and prayed and still doesn't see the answers come.
To the one who is so lonely and wants to trust for love again. 
Oh, To be loved.
To the one who wants to trust but is afraid of being hurt again.
To the one who wants attention and affection 
-she wants to be cherished and feel valued.
To the one who wants to end her life because she desperately wants to find relief from all of this
...hold on...don't do it....
To the one who is working so hard, but it just never seems to be enough.
To the one who has experienced enough pain and trauma to last a lifetime 
-she just wants peace and safety again.
To the one who just wants to feel pampered, loved and celebrated.
To the one who just wants to feel beautiful again 
-she feels her tiredness, weariness and scars are all others see.
To the one who feels like it's all her fault 
-she feels so ashamed, dirty, and used.
To the one who needs to hear that she matters and that she is not forgotten.
To the one who is about to give up in believing for better.
To the one who wishes she was someone's favorite 
-she wants to be the special one.
To the one who feels so lowly she doesn't think she can achieve or accomplish anything 
-she just might fail.
To the one who wonders if she is even lovable....
To the one who has been told she would never amount to anything.
To the one who has been abandoned so many times that she's afraid to be left by everyone 
-she's so scared.

Dear One...God sees you. He hears you. He is with you. He is near you. He cries with you. He knows your tears and feels your pain. He loves you for who you are and where you are at. He has a love for you that does not end, despite all the circumstances and mess you feel you are in. He does not condemn you. He does not judge you. He does not forget you. He is your arms to lean on. He is strong enough to carry you and your burdens. He is steady and unmoving. He will not walk out on you. He cares about what you need and desire. He is working out a plan, if you will trust Him and choose His way. He loved you enough to suffer and die for you. He sees you as beautiful. He is proud of you. He is not ashamed of you. He wants better for you. He wants you to rest in Him. He wants to heal your heart and have you give Him all the pieces. He wants to be your everything. He simply loves you, Dear One. He loves you.
~ Written by Jenny Williams A Modern Day Ruth/Ruby Wives  Copyright 2013 All rights reserved.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

The Field


 

Sometimes I wonder why I must walk this road. Sometimes it feels like this field is never going to be finished being gleaned. I know there's purpose. My faith must continue to remain steadfast, and it must turn it's ear away from these emotions. My tender heart aches. I trust in my Poppa God, even though I tire of the wait. I can imagine how Ruth felt as she pushed through with determination. She did not know the joy that was set before her. She just believed in the God of Naomi, the one she was faithful and loyal to. No matter how long it takes. May my stretched out trust in the unknown be certain that the Redeemer I love is unfailing. If there is anything I glean from this season, it is His wisdom, redemption, and Grace...Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth. Copyright 2013

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Single Momma (I just Don't Want To Do It Anymore)



I cried tonight. I didn't want to but tears slipped down my cheeks anyway. It had been a pretty good day. First day of our 21 Days of Fasting and Praying. There was a positive response and many women decided to join. Things felt like they we're headed in the right direction. So why now these tears? I had made the effort to reach out and attempt to attend a Bible study. I bought the book and was so excited to go, but then I couldn't get there. I was so disappointed, and a little hurt too. I sometimes really hate being a single Momma. Life is hard, and sometimes I feel so alienated and alone. Mostly I just feel misunderstood by the other ladies at church. Sometimes I think they just turn their heads because they just don't want to deal with me. That's how it feels anyway. This was one of those moments. I sat in the back of the small woods behind my house and cried. My sweet black kitty named Essie decided to comfort me by rubbing her head on my legs and thigh. She's so loving. I never have to worry about her rejecting me. She simply just loves and knows I belong to her. I sat against a tree and looked up into the acorn trees and told Poppa God that I'm tired of this season of loneliness. I really did enjoy being a wife of 13 years. I loved having someone to share life moments with. It's been nearly 4 years since our lives were turned upside down. It's been a long journey of broken dreams, dating, more disappointments, tears, prayers, another heartache, a ministry born, new dreams launched, a broken heart healed and a strength I never knew I had...<3 One thing I do long for is companionship. Being a single momma has been lonely. I have Poppa God, I have my ministry, I have my amazing kids, but church life has been lonely. The married women treat me differently, like they don't trust me or something. I would never in a million years try to take from them that which I lost. I would never want any soul to go through the thousands of tears I have shed and the sleepless nights I endured. The beautiful thing about Poppa God is that I can be brutally honest about how I am feeling. Tonight my heart hurts. I know I will be okay and this moment will pass, but it's just a reality check that lets me know I don't want to be alone anymore. At the end of the day I just want to snuggle up and share the gratefulness of the day I just had with someone...I just don't want to be a "Ruth" anymore...Poppa God, Please help me tonight.
Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2013