She Was Free

 

 

She realized her heart would not be healed until she let go completely what she held so tight to. It felt so unnatural to let go of the man she loved so much. But she realized he did not love her and he was long gone. She was grabbing mere shadows of memories. There was nothing left but to trust God. That He had a different plan...a better one. God never restores less than better than before- this... I know. She could not imagine her life or heart loving any other. But loving memories wasn't going to sustain her or even love her back. She knew it was time to let go. Let go of the once sweet moments that made her feel so good....she had to let go hoping to be back in those few moments. A voice kept whispering to her heart...."Love is in front of you...never behind you." She fell to her knees and wept. And once and for all let go. She knew that once she got up off her floor there was no more trying to love the dead. There was no more looking over her shoulder to yesterdays...She was free. She put one foot in front of the other and finally began to trust God. Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2014 ~ A Modern Day Ruth

Sweet Surrender

She didn't know what to do with the abandoned love she still felt. She prayed and waited silently. Days and weeks went by with tears soaking her pillow at night -clenched fists in moments of sobbing. She thought she could never go on without him. On her knees she prayed and fasted. She barely slept or ate. She never loved a man so much as him. She never gave her whole heart away to anyone like that before. The truck sat in the driveway. It never went anywhere, because he was already gone. She slept with his t-shirt, hoping his scent would mean he was still real...still there. She never knew how much of her was missing. She didn't know how she would ever heal. She was glad for the struggle of competing with other women to be over. She couldn't believe she let herself get so low just trying to love him. She couldn't understand why she wasn't enough for him to stay. The relief of not being played like a game anymore was the only burden lifted off her chest. She prayed and hoped day after day that he would come back again, because she could not imagine anything but those sweet yesterdays; but she finally got strong enough to clear her head from the pain that fogged her reasoning. 

She realized it was time to lay this love she had upon the altar of the Lord. She sobbed like waves of the ocean. The pain was so surreal. She laid her love for him on the altar. She knew it was time for her to leave. She knew she could not stay, because if she stayed where things were dead, she would slowly die too. Her strength was held up by the angels as she began to take a little step forward every day. She knew she deserved a whole lot better: to be loved, to be cherished, and protected in every way. Her wounded heart was fragile. People judged and didn't know what was going on inside. She had to close her ears to voices that tried to pull her back into the dark. He had promised her fake forevers. She would naively believe, but they were just empty words with no meaning. She promised him forever but that wasn't good enough. She knew she had to guard and protect what little of herself she still had. 

She clung to her faith that she knew. She silently cried out His name -some moments were so surreal, but she got through it with Poppa God holding her all the way. She let the love of her Father come in gently and heal the layers of her heart. Sometimes a memory of his voice or the smell of him would drift in to taunt her, but she stopped turning her head back to what was no longer there. She reasoned and told herself, "Memories can't kiss me or hold me." Sometimes she still feels her heart longing to love him again, but she knows he's been dead to her for far too long. She no longer will be peering over a grave. She has become something beautiful, because Poppa's presence has been so near. She knows that she is lovely. She knows she can trust Him with her heart. She spends time in her secret place. She hears His voice calling her name. He is the lover of her soul, and she is patiently waiting. She knows she's stronger when she leans on His everlasting arms. She's beautiful. She's lovely, and she's stronger and wiser than ever before. She is going to live, love, and laugh much. She's doing good...I know, because this woman is me. ~ A Modern Day Ruth
Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2014

Love Story (As Featured in Virtue Magazine Feb/Mar 2014 Edition)

My love story is different than some...One day, the true love of my life walked out the door for the last time. It was one of the most painful and devastating times imaginable, but I knew I had to keep going, and it was only by the grace of God that I did. I started Ruby Wives Ministry, and it was growing by leaps and bounds. I had no idea that during my own heart shattering crisis, God would make something good come out of my ashes. My humbled and naive idea of helping other hurting women who were silently struggling in their marriages while dealing with separation or divorce, would turn into something bigger than I could ever plan. It was really stepping out onto the water for me, because I didn't even know how to make a Facebook page at the time. I was crying in a crumpled heap on my pile of laundry when I heard His almost audible voice whisper to my heart: "I want you to take these women with you on this journey."

Two and a half years later, thousands of women and even men have become faithful readers of our pages that offer simple prayers, wisdom, and encouragement for spouses. God allowed my brokenness and reflection of the mistakes I made as a wife to become wisdom gems to share with others. Through transparently shared struggles about my own journey of healing, our readers responded openly and thanked me because they could relate. My tears became their comfort, because they felt they were not alone. My surrendered weakness to God became my new-found strength as well as theirs, because they were dealing with similar circumstances. Then came the newly wed brides, the happily married wives...women of different circumstances and statuses, broken or abandoned...they all became fans. I realized that as I was learning and gleaning wisdom and sharing it with wives, a positive growth and change was happening. It was contagious. Praise God! It was all His beautiful plan unfolding before me. Letters poured in from around the world with reports of marriages being restored and women being encouraged. My heart has been so overabundantly blessed, and even though things haven't turned out the way I thought they would, or the way I wanted them to, God revealed to me that He has always had a plan, and that He knew what was best for me. He built a full time ministry out of my broken mess and ashes, and He built a new dream in me. Beauty had come.

One thing I have learned through this beautiful, crazy and amazing journey, is that we all have one thing in common: a broken heart is a broken heart. Pain is pain. Marriage troubles are the same everywhere, no matter who you are or where you are from. The internet is a way to reach women in all parts of the world. Barriers are broken by it. I have had countless pastors' wives who were hurting in silence because their spouse was having an affair, struggling with addictions, etc., write to me for advice and prayers. They felt safe reaching out for help online.

Through this process, I finally came to a certain place of healing and surrender in my heart, I saw that God had an even bigger plan, and that I was not to look backward anymore. I found that my love story isn't over, it's being rediscovered and revised by the One who created love in the first place. Thus, A Modern Day Ruth was born. God revealed that the "Ruth" of this generation is primarily the woman who has been abandoned, divorced because of circumstances beyond her control, or has experienced abuse and neglect. The Modern Day Ruth is a woman who has experienced a devastation or even spiritual and emotional "death." Her husband has died to her and the family, and has walked away.

We live in a society where if it isn't easy or if it needs fixing, we will just go get a "new one" and people end up discarded as if they're replaceable things. It's so sad. Our world would be a happier and better place if people valued and honored marriages and families. What's worse is that the very place where women like us should find refuge comfort and support -the church- often judges, condemns, and turns its head away from these women. Many times I, myself, have felt that the Christian family I thought would be there for me, looked at me like I was the woman with the scarlet letter, as though I was someone who slept around. I was surprised to find that this is the perception some people have of single moms. That was definitely not the case for me, and even if it was, what would Jesus do? He never condemned the woman at the well, nor did he throw a stone at the woman who supposedly was caught in the act of adultery. I see the story of the woman at the well as tragic. She must have had her heart severely broken several times. She must have been abandoned, rejected, lied to, used, and promised false forevers... I often wish I could go back in time and hug that woman in the Bible and tell her I love her and that she's going to be alright, but Jesus did it for me.

Now, as I walk this role of A Modern Day Ruth and as a leader of women, I continue to reach out to as many as possible, to remind each one that her love story doesn't just end in heartache and tears, and that her life isn't going to be just struggle and pain. I know she faces tear-stained pillow nights and wrestles with ongoing loneliness. She wakes up to difficult days of surviving while trying to take care of her children...the family her husband left behind. Though Ruth was a widow, she ended up having her season of heartache turn to a lifetime of joy, and the promise of a lasting legacy. I am many times reminded of the words that are engraved upon my heart, and I have clung to them often: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Everyone has a love story. Sometimes that love story doesn't turn out the way you wish it would have. Maybe you're fighting for your love story right now to continue -fighting to keep your marriage alive, or your fairy tale dream may already have been shattered or ended in disappointment. Mine is that God took my messed up, abandoned, and broken heart and held me. He cradled me in the midst of my sheer agony and emotional turmoil. He didn't save my marriage, but He saved me. He gave me purpose and He took each piece of my heart and mended me, making me stronger and better than before. I have come to know that in Him I do have my happy ever after, and my love story with Him is still beautifully unfolding. Written by Jenny Williams Copyright 2014

Warning Signs You Are Involved With Someone Dangerous

Warning signs you are falling for a "Bad Boy" Man.

 *He gives you an emotional high, but he doesn't sustain a real relationship with you.
* He hides personal information. He won't share his passwords for his phone, email, etc.
* He talks about and compares you to his past girlfriends/wives.
* He doesn't respect your body. He won't wait until marriage to sleep with you.
* He disappears for hours, days, or weeks at a time. He makes up excuses why you couldn't reach him or he was unable to contact you.
* He doesn't provide. He may talk of working, but doesn't hold a job long. He will always use a new excuse. You end up paying most of the time or for everything.
*He doesn't mind that you compromise your morals and values to be with him.
* Your relationship has to be hidden and kept a secret from your family, friends and those you respect.
* He makes you feel like it's your fault if you have a fight. He turns his wrongdoings onto you. He manipulates everything in his favor.
* He blames others for past relationship failures and does not acknowledge his mistakes or actions. It's usually a sob story of someone abusing him or using him.
* He changes his stories and breaks his promises. He doesn't follow through most of the time. When he does, it's short lived and then he's right back into the damaging behavior.
* He's a charmer. He knows just what to say to hook you in again. He says the words you want to hear but does not back up his words with actions.

* He will talk with you about spiritual things and God to draw your affection towards him, but he does not live a spiritual or godly lifestyle. He uses scriptures to manipulate you.
* He has to hide his texts, phone numbers, emails to stay in contact with you.
* He has a criminal background and he undermines his mistakes or says he didn't do it.
* He angers easily over small things and gets erratic when confronted with truth.
* He enjoys violence and is proud of beating his peers up.

* He gives a reason why he can't leave the other girlfriend. Run.
* He harbors addictions: Smoking, alcohol, porn, etc. He has an excuse why he won't give them up.
* He has no problem with sleeping around outside of marriage. He'll have an affair, a drinking/drug binge, etc., and have no remorse later.

* He relies on you or has other women take care of him. It should be the other way around.

* He moves a lot. He crashes or stays with friends or other women until he's outlived his welcome.
* He makes you feel bad about yourself. Your appearance, your strengths, your weaknesses... he makes you feel not good enough.
* He dishonors and disrespects people in authority, your parents or people you look up to.
* He is overly jealous if another man looks in your direction or speaks with you.
* He is constantly suspicious of you having an affair or possibly cheating on him.
* He doesn't have goals or dreams that he strives to achieve.
* He uses depression/suicide attempts as control or manipulation to get you to stay in the relationship.
* He has you hang onto "what we used to be" -those happy up in the clouds feelings, but it never gets that way again, or if it does it's just temporary.
* He leaves you abandoned. He leaves at the drop of a hat. Comes and goes as he pleases and won't give you real answers.
* He asks for your money that you earn. He promises to pay back but doesn't. He steals or uses your account without your consent.
* He has you spending more of your energy pleasing him than he you. 
* You somehow end up supporting his bad habits...buying his cigarettes, alcohol, etc.
* You spend more time in the relationship on your knees crying for him to love you, to change, or to have your happy ever after with him. If you are crying and hurting most of the time- this is NOT love. True love should never hurt this much.

 Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives Copyright 2013