Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Signs you may be in an unhealthy and ungodly relationship:

*You have compromised your values and morals with that other person. You find yourself doing things you know you shouldn't be doing. You are letting your relationship with God take the back burner. You're christian walk is fading away. You feel pulled away from God more than being drawn closer to Him.

*You're engaged in premarital sex or "fooling around." You have crossed your boundary lines. Love is pure and it preserves. It promotes holiness and desires to honor God. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and so is the other person's.

*You have a feeling of unease. Your spirit feels unsettled. You have no lasting peace in the relationship. Perfect love casts out all fear. There shouldn't be fear if it's a healthy God inspired relationship.

*The person you're with is jealous of others: your friends, family members, or members of the opposite sex that know you. You are often having to reassure them that you are committed to the relationship. You fight about who you see and have to explain your whereabouts and activities. The person has huge trust issues. You are spending a lot of your energy explaining yourself. Remember love is NOT jealous.

*Things have happened really quickly and everything is rushed. Relationships that develop fast usually don't last through difficult times. A healthy relationship has been formed slowly and deeply over time. It has a firm foundation that has been built through friendship, mentoring, and is Christ-centered. Relationships that are built from emotional highs and sensual feelings will often fall like the house built on sand...Here today and gone tomorrow. Remember, love is patient.

*You feel controlled in the relationship. You don't have much of a voice. Your opinion doesn't matter. Your desires or words aren't considered. The other person controls the path of the relationship. Please run...run quickly! Real love is a commitment of two people working together. A Healthy relationship cares about the other person's needs, desires, and feelings.

*Your peer, mentors, and others...maybe even your own children tell you things are going too fast and that you should slow down. They advise against the relationship and share their worries or concerns. God gives us godly counsel for a reason. It's wise to listen to mentors and your friends.

*The relationship often feels one-sided. You're doing the majority of the work and investing. A healthy relationship is a team effort with two people communicating, giving, receiving, sharing, etc. If you're spending more time trying to please the other person all the time because they want their own way, run! It will get old real quick. Love is not demanding or selfish...it's not self seeking.

*There are signs of possessiveness. They call you 25 times in a day if you don't answer them. They text you more times then you can count. They check where you are and want to know where your are at all times. They can't take no for an answer. They show stalkerish behavior. Real relationships can handle healthy lengths of times apart. Both people trust each other. Healthy love is not clingy. Healthy relationships allow each other space and room to breathe.

*Someone in the relationship is banking on the other person changing someday. The truth is, no amount of your sweet loving is going to change your partner. If you're praying, fasting, hoping, wishing, and dreaming that they will become a better person, you're wasting yourself away. Only God can change them, and only if they are willing. So many times, people marry someone thinking that things will change after they walk down the aisle...that's delusional thinking.

*Someone in the relationship is lying. Either they change their story or they're only telling you half truths. They break promises and don't keep their word consistently. Lies tend to grow. Someone who has no problem lying will continue to in the future. A relationship built on lies will cause great pain and betrayal. If your future mate isn't truthful, you shouldn't be with them.  Remember, real love seeks the truth always.

*There's a lack of respect and honor. When there's conflict, the arguments are not constructive or helpful to the relationship. Your heart is not being heard. Harsh words and critical words are often used as manipulation.  Healthy relationships are two people caring about each other's needs, wants, and desires.

*Your relationship is primarily a secret. You have to hide your love. This is a huge red flag. Affairs are done in secret. True love does not hide in darkness.

*Your relationship experiences breakups and abandonment over and over again. The person leaves and comes back. This is so unhealthy! it also affects the people around you...especially your children. A healthy relationship doesn't break up at the drop of a hat. A healthy relationship has two people working thru conflicts or difficulties as they come. Remember Love endures all things, hopes all things, and never fails.

*You feel guilt shame in the relationship. Whether it's false guilt, or guilt from self-seeking pleasures. There's a feeling of weight and heaviness.  Love is not shameful. Pure love has no guilt.

*There is too much anger and violence. Screaming, hitting, throwing things, Verbal abuse, physical force, or threats -this is not love! One time feeling afraid in someone's presence during conflict is not okay. Love is gentle and kind. Love should feel safe. A healthy relationship does not contain violence.

If you have ANY of these things going on in your relationship, you have serious issues. These are red flags for any relationship. Pray about it and ask God what you need to do. Going down the aisle with stuff like this going on is NOT a blessing from God. The Bible is very clear about what love is! Read 1 Corinthians chapter 13.
~ A Modern Day Ruth​, Jenny Williams Copyright 2015

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