Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Signs You are Not Ready

Signs you are NOT ready for a new relationship:

1. Desperation. A godly woman or man doesn't have to be desperate for love, because she/he knows where their fulfillment comes from. It's normal to desire a life partner, but if it's your only focus day and night, you are not ready. Your heart's focus should be after God's heart and will. Wait until you are satisfied while waiting.

2. You keep trying to win back the heart of the last person you had a relationship with. You haven't let them go. You may have a soul tie and will need to ask God to free you from the obsession of needing that person's love or approval. Wait until you have let go emotionally, spiritually, mentally, etc. It's normal to have memories of that person, but you should be able to move forward in your life without their love.

3. You have not forgiven the person who hurt you. It's normal to have some old feelings trying to rise against you, but if you haven't made the choice to forgive them and let them go completely, you aren't ready. A good sign that you're healed in this area is when you can actually pray and hope for blessings in that person's life, you have left all judgments and any justice in God's hands, and you no longer desire punishment for what they did to you. Forgiveness is essential for going into a new relationship.

4. You keep trying to find yourself in others' approval and acceptance. Wait until you know your worth and value in Christ. You don't rely on others for your self esteem. Instead, rely on God's truth.

5. You just want to not be lonely anymore. You can't stand to be alone and you want to find someone to fill that need. It's best you wait until you can lay aside your selfish desires so that you can be a blessing to others. It's not all about you. Wait until you want to encourage, inspire, and build up that other person. Friendships are a healthy start. Also, wait until you realize that others are not meant to fulfill your every desire. Only God can satisfy you.

6. You haven't grieved long enough. You haven't let enough time go by since your last relationship. Wait until it's been a healthy length of time to reflect and to seek God about the mistakes from your past relationships. Wait until you have sought and gleaned wisdom from the past and learned from others, and you have been honest with yourself and God about what you did wrong. Make sure you have looked at mentors, resources, and others who have good relationships. Wisdom is so valuable. You don't want to keep repeating the cycle.

7. You're closed-minded and stuck on what you want for a spouse. Wait until you're open to what kind of spouse God wants you to have. It's good to know what you want, but don't limit God or put your ideal kind of mate in a box. Being in a marriage is a calling and a ministry. Are you ready for that? Are you ready to love the person God desires you to love? Do you trust God that He knows what's best for you?

8. All your friends and family tell you to wait...to heal some more. Wait until your peers and mentors are on board about your desire for a spouse. They are praying blessings for you and are in agreement. Godly counsel is so important. If all your friends are saying you're rushing things or to slow down, you'd better listen. God sends counsel for a reason...to protect you and preserve you.

9. You're in love with what that person might do for you more than what you will do for them. Love is serving. Love is giving. Wait until you desire to serve, and pray for that other person, and you're ready to seek to be a blessing to them in any way possible. Also that you have sought God's will and direction. The Holy Spirit will tell you to pray for them or encourage them.

10. You want to do things in your own strength and on your own terms. Wait until you have someone to keep you accountable...a godly friend or peer who will be objective and who will warn you if you're stepping outside of God's will. Accountability is so important. God's word says to seek wisdom and godly friends.

These are just a few signs you may not be ready to court or date someone. Remember to watch for their behavior and actions too. Make sure they are ready. We're all works in progress with our healing and growth. Be patient with the other person if they have been hurt before. Love is patient and kind....and not self seeking or jealous. Keep 1 Corinthians 13 as rule for what love is. Let it be your guide always. Love like Christ.

~ A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2015


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. with this article you opened my eyes! it's awesome and helpfull to know that! such a blessing!