He's Making Me Beautiful

 

Someone told me today that I was beautiful, but I didn't feel like it. My hair was wet and drippy and I had no makeup on. I've been feeling a bit tired and weary from the journey. Maybe they saw something I don't. The truth is, it's a littl...e hard to believe someone when they say that about me. I think it's because men who have told me this- have hurt me and abandoned me. My Daddy didn't give me compliments much when I was growing up. I feel shy when someone gives me a compliment, although now I am gracious and thank them as a lady should. I love to tell others -especially little girls. I never want one to feel lowly or unlovely. I always tell my teenage daughters all the time. I wrote a piece like this a while back, but wrote a new one since I couldn't find it. Maybe I needed the reminder myself. Just because there are areas God is working on, doesn't mean the work in progress isn't beautiful.

I feel beautiful when:

When I'm lost in worship and His presence.
When I smile at a stranger.
When I sing a love song to Poppa God.
When I am twirling in the rain or snow.
When I am smelling roses.
When I know I have made a difference in someone's life.
When I wear dresses and heels. And be my girly girl self.
When I see sunsets and feel gratefulness in my heart.
When I go on walks with Poppa God in the cool of the night.
When I wear my favorite perfume. People say I smell so good.
When I hear ocean waves and smell the salty air.
When I'm lost in a warm conversation that has caught my attention.
When I run through crunchy leaves in the fall.
When I'm proud of my children...Their precious lives makes me beautiful.
When I know I'm glowing from the inside out.
When I listen to a song that my heart relates to.
When a child comes up to me and wraps their little hands around me.
When the wind blows across my face...I take those moments as Poppa God kissing me.
When my heart is tender during a beautiful moment.
Written by Jenny Williams, Copyright 2013 All rights reserved.  A Modern Day Ruth

— with Jenny Williams.

Dear Ruth

To the "Ruths" who are waiting for a "Boaz" to walk into your life:
  I remember the day my Mama and I went to a powerful church service at Jesus Pursuit Church in Albany. We were both going through some painful and difficult times. My heart had been severely broken by my husband of 13 years who had walked away from God and his family. The air was thick in the sanctuary. The presence of the Holy Spirit was so sweet. The music was going, and I was lost in worship. This place felt safe. In my heart I leaned against Poppa God on a white horse. I call God Poppa. I have always wanted to be a Daddy's girl, but my real Dad couldn't be there for me. In His presence I felt like I was the only one. I spiritually felt bare and naked with my broken heart exposed, but felt so safe and so warm resting in His arms. After the music and message that were given, my Mama wanted me to go up front to the altar area to be prayed for. I felt shy and awkward about it, but at my Mama's request, I did. She's my hero in so many ways. Anything she asks of me I will do. I was prayed for and given a precious and memorable word. I was told by the prayer lady that God wanted me know it wasn't my fault and that Poppa loved me. He called me His favorite, and in that moment, I felt like I truly was. God is so awesome how He does this. We truly are His favorite. Each one of us. After some time, I went and kneeled at the altar and cried out to Him. I heard Him say so clearly- I'm sending you a "Boaz". I pondered what He said. I knew it was His voice. I've never really been interested much about the story of Ruth and Boaz. I went to Sunday School as a child and it was never my favorite story, but since then I have studied the book of Ruth. I've listened and gleaned from it and applied it to areas of my life. Have I bumped into my Boaz yet? No, but I have learned to be busy about my Father's business. Loving others and working in the fields that God has called me to. I have met so many "Ruths and Naomis" along the way of this healing journey. I have spent the last few years gleaning and sharing wisdom of what a godly woman and wife should be like. Sharing my own journey, being transparent with my readers, praying and standing in the gap for marriages. We have helped soothe some broken hearts. Poppa God has been faithful. I see so many strong women who have been hurt and disappointed, but their faith shines like the sun, and I am so privileged and blessed to know them. The story of Ruth is about redemption. Poppa God covers us with His love and redeems us from our painful past. He celebrates us as the Bride of Christ. He provides for us single mamas and is a Husband when we need one. He is also a Father to the fatherless. He is all that we have need of. I've learned to let go of searching for the affections of a man, and to put my broken bleeding heart into the hands of the Almighty. There, I know it will always be protected and safe. I have come so far, and I feel so grateful that I'm no longer broken or dismayed. He has given me purpose -given me a message that burns on my heart to share. Keep trusting God, Keep walking in faith, and do what God has called you to -and when the time is right, your "Boaz" will see you from across the field.  Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Ruby Wives Copyright 2013

Pink Bow Of Expectation (The Seeds You've Sown)

About a year ago this day, I sowed one of the hardest seeds of my life. God reminded me today of it. I truly believe in sowing seeds into the kingdom of God. There is purpose in trusting Him with your finances and gifts. Being a single mom has been so hard at times, but I heard a powerful message on the TV, and I felt a very strong tug at my heart to sow a sacrificial seed into a particular ministry. I had nothing...really nothing of great value, except my 1.12 ct wedding ring. I kept feeling the Holy Spirit tell me to sow it. I was scared and hesitant. I also thought that maybe this ministry would think I'm nuts to be giving such a strange "seed". I contemplated it and prayed. I wondered if I was crazy. "Are you really asking me to do this? It seems kind of nuts...." I even went to a dear old couple at church and sought counsel with them about it. They prayed over my ring and I wept. Yes, God was asking me to give my only possession that had monetary value. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate as I typed a letter to the person in charge of their ministry. I cried. I understood what Poppa God was doing...This seed...this ring represented my past, my present and most certainly my future. I didn't know if the ministry would or could even use my diamond ring, but I knew in my heart I had to give it over to be sown. My destiny...my harvest...was attached to this unusual seed. The funny thing was that Holy Spirit told me to wrap it carefully with a satin pink bow. I am a girly girl by nature. When I have given gifts, I was always taught that presentation was just as important as the gift itself. So I did. I wrapped that ring with a tiny satin pink ribbon. I was afraid to send it in the mail in fear it would get lost so I had to borrow the money from a friend to send it by registered mail.  My heart pounded as I handed over the envelope to the mail clerk. I kissed that package, laid hands on it, and anointed it with prayer oil. I stood on that word, "You must let go of what's in your hand to receive a harvest." Oh, did I need a harvest...3 things I attached my expectation of faith to that seed. I felt excited and I knew I was being obedient to what God asked of me. I waited...and waited...and waited some more. Months went by and I wondered if the ministry even received it. I called and asked and even cried on the phone in a moment of emotional desperation. The lady on the phone said, "Yes, we have record of it here." She sounded like it was no big deal...I felt a twinge of disappointment but then reasoned with myself that this ministry is huge and they probably receive gifts all the time. I really did want and had hoped that this great man of God would have at least personally acknowledged that he had received it, but it was not so ...and of course the enemy tried to convince me that my seed had no value or that it was not received at all. He wanted me to feel rejected, but I told myself that I gave that gift and sacrificial seed as unto the Lord and not man. I knew the seed I sowed was in fertile soil...good soil. I believed in this ministry and the great work that they were investing in others. So I stood and reminded myself often that there was a pink bow of "EXPECTATION" wrapped around my seed. It times of doubt I have reminded God..."Please remember me.  I believe in the harvest of the seed I sowed into your kingdom." It's been one year today. I know in my heart that my faith and expectation has gotten my Heavenly Father's attention...what we do behind closed doors He sees. I didn't tell anyone about giving my wedding ring away. Not my momma, not my kids (except my grown son who I told to pray and believe with me). Not my ex-husband, not even the friend I borrowed money from to send it. I told no one, because I was so humbled and felt it was so precious to me that I did not want anyone to be critical or put doubt in me. I felt sad at times, because I love diamonds. It was so hard to give it up, but I told myself, "There are more diamonds to be had, Jenny." Today, while I was taking a bath the Holy Spirit.reminded me that in the time of Queen Esther, He woke up the King in the middle of the night and reminded him of the deed that Mordecai did and that he was not rewarded according to the scrolls that the palace records were written on, but the King's attention was brought to what Mordecai had done for him, and he publicly celebrated and honored and promoted him to a better  position for what he had done. God sees our seeds and He knows our tears. Those who sow in tears will REAP songs of JOY. God has not forgotten me...He is the KING of my Heart. And HE has my attention. My HARVEST is COMING. I share this precious and personal story because I know it may encourage some of you Ruths who have been sowing, praying, and standing for something the Lord has promised you. He has not forgotten you. He has seen your sacrifices and offerings. He sees behind your closed doors when you have done something kind for someone else. When you chose to give even when you did not receive child support, or your paycheck was short. You may have felt so misunderstood and lowly. I know that's how I have felt for months, but He loves the heart of a giver and He knows how much you been faithful. He values you and your gift. I believe I receive my harvest...My pink bow of expectation is wrapped around it. I will get my Boaz...my harvest. It's coming. Hold on dear one. Your harvest is coming, too. <3  Written by Jenny Williams copyright 2013
P.S.: This is a photo of the actual ring. I at least have this pic as a memory. God is faithful.

I'm Not Afraid (Dear Boaz)

The Lord has been bringing out beautiful things for me and in me. Today He gave me the most beautiful song...A love song. For my future Boaz. My heart has been very much in preparation for the future husband He has called me to be by his side. I don't just want a husband. I want to be anointed and called to be his wife. I feel called to be next to a leader. To be an example to the church of what a godly wife is supposed to be. To walk in respect and honor. This song came out of me today. So healing and so affirmative that my heart has been healed and prepared for what He has planned for me. Perfect love casts out all fear.

I'm not afraid for God to let you find me.
I'm not afraid of your gaze and your eyes to see me.
I'm not afraid to meet you, to tell you my name.
I'm not afraid to get to know you -all of who you are.
I'm not afraid to be greeted with a "Holy" kiss by your lips.
I'm not afraid to listen to your heart's desires.
I'm not afraid to bring comfort to you.
I'm not afraid to share my heart -the deepest places of it all.
I'm not afraid to share my secrets and dreams and hear yours too.
I'm not afraid to look you in the eyes and let you see my tenderness.
I'm not afraid to let you hold me and caress me.
I'm not afraid to let you fall in love with me.
I'm not afraid to walk with you in places I've never been.
I'm not afraid to show you my weaknesses.
I'm not afraid to sing to you. To discover everything of who I am.
I'm not afraid to let you hold my hand and let you lead.
I'm not afraid to let you cover and protect me -to let you be strong for me.
I'm not afraid to give you a reason to smile -to look for sweet ways to touch you.
I'm not afraid to be a soft place for you to land.
I'm not afraid to daily pray and do battle for you on my knees.
I'm not afraid to laugh with you and play.
I'm not afraid to embrace your family and friends and those whom you love.
I'm not afraid to impact the kingdom of God with you -to pour into and inspire others in Christ.
I'm not afraid to travel and go on adventures with you.
I'm not afraid to worship in spirit and in truth with you.
I'm not afraid to hear you speak into my life -to learn from you and be inspired to grow wise.
I'm not afraid to let you sweetly spoil me and to be your favorite one.
I'm not afraid to accept your weakness and to encourage your strengths.
I'm not afraid to love you for exactly who you are and who God made you to be.
I'm not afraid to share spiritual moments together -to get excited about what God is doing.
I'm not afraid to trust you with whats on or dear to my heart.
I'm not afraid to stand beside you. To build and to dream with you.
I'm not afraid to be your lover and give you my all.
I'm not afraid to give you respect and honor -to stick up for you and to protect your integrity.
I'm not afraid to keep learning and discovering with you.
I'm not afraid to encourage you when you have a bad day.
I'm not afraid to hear you whisper my name.
I'm not afraid to let you dry my tears and soothe my fears.
I'm not afraid to dance with you in the moonlight.
I'm not afraid to invest our blood, sweat and tears for what you believe and aspire to and dream.
I'm not afraid to learn how to be your best friend, your confidante, your safe place to trust.
I'm not afraid to build and achieve crazy dreams with you and to walk in faith for the impossible.
I'm not afraid to be a help mate to you -to find ways to bless you every day. I can't wait.
I'm not afraid to sing my love songs to you and with you -to make music together.
I'm not afraid to pray in my prayer language in front of you and simply be who I am.
I'm not afraid to let you put a ring on my hand for life -to walk by your side.
I'm not afraid to walk down the aisle toward you and say, "I do".
I'm not afraid to be faithful and loyal forever with you.
I'm not afraid.
Written by Jenny Williams,  A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013

The Field

 

Sometimes I wonder why I must walk this road. Sometimes it feels like this field is never going to be finished being gleaned. I know there's purpose. My faith must continue to remain steadfast, and it must turn it's ear away from these emotions. My tender heart aches. I trust in my Poppa God, even though I tire of the wait. I can imagine how Ruth felt as she pushed through with determination. She did not know the joy that was set before her. She just believed in the God of Naomi, the one she was faithful and loyal to. No matter how long it takes. May my stretched out trust in the unknown be certain that the Redeemer I love is unfailing. If there is anything I glean from this season, it is His wisdom, redemption, and Grace...Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth. Copyright 2013

In His Chambers

It's been 4 days since I and many other women have started a season of prayer and fasting. I was hesitant at first to announce and commit to 21 days. There's so much more pressure to lead a fast than just participate, but I felt God nudge my heart, and so here I am. I have no regrets because I see women really being touched. The last 4 days have been so wonderful. Besides the struggle of being hungry, everything else has been smooth and easy. I thought I was going to have to pound the doors of heaven, but what I've come to realize, is that He has been waiting for me. He has been seeking me out and lavishing Himself upon me with His love. I feel so blessed, so humbled and so enthralled that He would do this. Thank You, Poppa God. I adore you. For the past couple of days He has been continually saying, "What do you want? What do you desire? Tell me." I know He already knows, but He has me in a place of trusting Him with my heart's desires. For me it's not about telling Him. It's about trusting Him. Being a "Ruth" has not been easy. I have been hurt and abandoned. I have had dreams dashed to the ground and burnt up into ashes. I had to come from a place I knew, to walking a desolate road of tears and sorrows. It's been a long journey, but now I am no longer broken. I am no longer longing for what I lost. It  has been a time of trusting as I have had to move forward -forward toward destiny. He has had me working in a field I didn't know I would be assigned to, gleaning wisdom from my past mistakes and sharing it with others who are hurting too. God has been so good. He has been so faithful.
  Today, as I met with the Holy Spirit in my new Secret Place, He told me to be still and to just let Him love on me. The wind began to blow through the trees and my hair. His sweet kisses on my face. Leaves and acorns were falling down and all around me. He told me that I am to just lay my worries and fears aside outside the door of my King's Chambers....Why? Because in the "Secret Place" He just wants my full attention. His presence and love demands this. He wants to lavish Himself upon me. How beautiful and so surreal is this? That when we come to our lover, we don't talk about stresses of the day or worries. No, we let our lover ravish us. We get lost in that moment of making love to each other, and how much more so should it be with our King. We come before Him and focus our attention on His gaze and His great love for us. I hear Him say, "Come, Daughter. I want to love on you." I think of Queen Esther and that one night with the King. She had to let go of her insecurities and fears and be open to him. This was her chance to make that first impression -to make her time with him count. Oh, that we would make our precious intimate time with our King count. May our hearts impress His with our willingness to be loved and to love on Him back. How lovely. How beautiful... How precious is the Holy Spirit. He wants to lavish Himself on you.

"My beloved spoke and said to me,
    “Arise, my darling,
    my beautiful one, come with me."  Song of Songs 2:10 NIV

Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013

Single Momma (I just Don't Want To Do It Anymore)

I cried tonight. I didn't want to but tears slipped down my cheeks anyway. It had been a pretty good day. First day of our 21 Days of Fasting and Praying. There was a positive response and many women decided to join. Things felt like they we're headed in the right direction. So why now these tears? I had made the effort to reach out and attempt to attend a Bible study. I bought the book and was so excited to go, but then I couldn't get there. I was so disappointed, and a little hurt too. I sometimes really hate being a single Momma. Life is hard, and sometimes I feel so alienated and alone. Mostly I just feel misunderstood by the other ladies at church. Sometimes I think they just turn their heads because they just don't want to deal with me. That's how it feels anyway. This was one of those moments. I sat in the back of the small woods behind my house and cried. My sweet black kitty named Essie decided to comfort me by rubbing her head on my legs and thigh. She's so loving. I never have to worry about her rejecting me. She simply just loves and knows I belong to her. I sat against a tree and looked up into the acorn trees and told Poppa God that I'm tired of this season of loneliness. I really did enjoy being a wife of 13 years. I loved having someone to share life moments with. It's been nearly 4 years since our lives were turned upside down. It's been a long journey of broken dreams, dating, more disappointments, tears, prayers, another heartache, a ministry born, new dreams launched, a broken heart healed and a strength I never knew I had...<3 One thing I do long for is companionship. Being a single momma has been lonely. I have Poppa God, I have my ministry, I have my amazing kids, but church life has been lonely. The married women treat me differently, like they don't trust me or something. I would never in a million years try to take from them that which I lost. I would never want any soul to go through the thousands of tears I have shed and the sleepless nights I endured. The beautiful thing about Poppa God is that I can be brutally honest about how I am feeling. Tonight my heart hurts. I know I will be okay and this moment will pass, but it's just a reality check that lets me know I don't want to be alone anymore. At the end of the day I just want to snuggle up and share the gratefulness of the day I just had with someone...I just don't want to be a "Ruth" anymore...Poppa God, Please help me tonight.
Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2013

Transparency In Christ Marriage Radio Broadcast Show

I had the beautiful privilege of ministering to brides on a live marriage radio talk show today. The Lord was so present with us ladies as we shared. If you are struggling in your marriage, walking thru divorce or separation or have even found yourself walking the role of a "Ruth"....If you have been discouraged this message is for you ! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/transparency-in-christ/2013/09/13/transparency-in-christ-marriage-gods-way

Wisdom I Have Gleaned As A Ruth

Wisdom I have gleaned from being a "Ruth":

-This season came because God is preparing me for greatness.

-Embracing the process of letting God transform my heart and my thinking is vital.

-There is purpose even in the midst of pain and suffering.

-Faithfulness and loyalty are my friends. I must cling to the faith that I know and trust my Heavenly Father.

-As I walk the road of the unknown, there are treasures to discover: His wisdom. His blessings. His truth. I must look for them.

-This season is temporary, but the reward is eternal.

-I must keep my eyes and focus on the Lord and not man. Man has disappointed me but God never has.

-I must be truthful with myself and analyze and acknowledge my foolish mistakes, then glean the wisdom from them.

-I broke the cycle of settling for less than God's best. I've set my standards high. I desire a king not a pauper.

-He is making and moulding my heart to be of a Queen for the King He is preparing for me.

-My assignment is to help encourage and comfort others while I'm in the field. He heals me as I help heal others. My tears are not in vain.

-He is giving me strength from Glory to Glory. Every moment He is with me.

-Faithfulness is mandatory. He expects my best.

-He is making me beautiful in this process. He is taking these ashes and turning them into something beautiful for a display of the splendor of the Lord. There is beauty out of my brokenness.

-He is the provider for me and my children. He is a husband to me and a Father to my children. Though man has forsaken me- GOD DOES NOT.

-The Holy Spirit is the lover of my soul. He is my song's delight. My worship time is precious...I am His and He is mine. His banner over me is LOVE. No one can take away my love song except me- when I do not open my mouth.

-God has promised me a "Boaz" but my focus is not on trying to find him. He will one day notice me from across the field. I focus on my assignment. I focus on my growth and refinement. I focus on His heart's desire. Love will come when it's time.

-The character traits of Ruth are: Loyalty, faithfulness, a servant's heart, a woman of courage and strength. She was compassionate and helped others. I desire and strive to have these qualities.

-Some days are so difficult. Life is hard. There are many tears. I live moment to moment with Him, leaning on Him to carry me through this season.

-How I handle this season will determine how long it will be and the outcome of it. My destiny is linked to my responses and willingness to yield to God's perfect plan. My legacy is attached to this season.

-I recognize that I can't do this alone. He is my strength and my portion.

-I sow into others encouragement, words of healing, and comfort. My love and compassion for others keeps me going. My dreams are connected with their dreams. I live to encourage others in their destinies. When I focus on comforting others, I myself am comforted.

-Those who sow in tears....will reap songs of Joy.

Written by Jenny Williams, Ruby Wives  Copyright 2013

Life Should Be The Big Box Of Crayons

Yesterday was one of the worst days as a single mom. (Just being real). I was searching through the aisles at Walmart, trying to find the items for my 3 daughters' school supplies. The list was too long, and there wasn't enough money....not by half. I was surrounded by so many other last minute shoppers and thinking to myself,  "How I wish I could have their life instead of mine." Over the frustration and mounting stress, I started to have an emotional meltdown. My Teenage daughter desired a curling iron, and I simply couldn't buy it. For some reason I could not find the college ruled paper which was on the list. My heart and mind were beyond the limit of what I could take. I found myself slightly hidden away in the back of the store and persistent tears started to fall. I just couldn't take one more moment of not being able to provide what my baby girls needed and especially what they desired. They rarely complain, and they go without all the time. My heart ached that I couldn't buy them the clothes they need. Life feels so exhausting as a single mom. I work so hard, but it feels like I never get ahead. I felt so alone, so hurt, so ignored, so much a failure, and then I saw this huge box of Crayola crayons...120 count. I love the big boxes. I always did as a child. It was $6.70 for it. I stopped and stared at that box. I thought to myself, "This is how life should be -the whole big box."  Every beautiful color, every opportunity, every beautiful  picture you could draw. Oh, I wish. I seriously contemplated putting something else back so I could buy those crayons, but I knew it would be impractical and that there were other needs. Everything in me wanted to purchase that box, but I walked away telling myself that someday I will have many....many crayons. "God, Please help me. You said you would be my husband. You said you would be a father to my children. Please help me to Renew my hope when it seems to fade. Give me strength for another day. Help me to believe life will get better. Send us love. The kind that lets us know that we will never have to be afraid of being abandoned or hurt again. Wipe our tears of disappointment. Please help all the "Ruths" who are struggling and working in the field. Bless them and keep them and cause your face to shine upon them and please be gracious to them....To all of us Ruths." Amen written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth  Copyright 2013