It's Gonna Be Worth It

I've been through a lot in my life: heartaches, disappointments, illnesses, and hardships. But honestly, it feels like this past month and a half has been absolutely brutal- the biggest and most physically painful battle of my life. My kids and family have been hit hard. I've questioned myself and God,
"Why is this one so hard? Why so long and so brutally difficult? What on earth have I done to provoke the enemy to be this persistent to attack?" I really don't know, but I am moment to moment clinging to what faith I know and being cradled in the prayers of many. I don't understand, but I'm walking blindly in the dark holding Jesus' hand. I guess higher levels of His calling require higher levels of trust and faith.

I am in tears as I write this, because even in the sheer agony of these moments, I still believe...and that in itself is the miracle. Without Poppa God, all would be lost -there would be no more hanging on. I'm sure one day I will look back and see the good that came from this. His word promises that all things work together for good to those who love Him.

I see the posts on our ministry pages and the private messages from people who say "Thank you for sharing your pain and journey." They're helping me have hope. I cry with them. I cry and pray for each one, and they don't know how truly hard it is...then I really get humbled...the kind of lowering of self that says, "God, You are God..."

No matter how raw, low, and sad things seem, still beauty and healing are brought out, even from the most lonely, dark, and hopeless hours. If one transparently exposed tear points a crying soul to the Almighty, it will be worth it all. No reward on this planet may come, but knowing that someone is eternally clinging to God Makes it worth it all.

Tears fall, hearts pound even while bleeding, struggle appears as weakness to those who judge, yet in it all He still shines brighter. He still conquers. He still wins, and that qualifies me as a winner too. ~ Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2016

This song has been singing to my heart this past week.
https://youtu.be/DzSJ8snhXao

Dear married person:

If God says it's not good for man to be alone, why do people make others feel bad for not wanting to be alone?

I am utterly tired of well meaning Christians who preach at singles to just be in love with Jesus and you should just love yourself...that's baloney. Yes, Jesus should be the lover of our soul, but that doesn't take care of the need of having a sexual, earthly mate. God would have never made Eve had He not had a intentional reason for Adam to have a wife. Marriage is a good thing. It's God's plan and His way to show His mirrored relationship of Jesus as the Groom and the Church as His bride.

If you're already married...that's great!  Be blessed...

But if you see or hear of a single sister or brother in Christ who desires to be married too, don't belittle their need, feelings, or desire to have what you have. It comes off as uncaring and judgmental. Seriously. Just pray for them to be blessed with a godly mate. Single people shouldn't have to feel bad for desiring what God designed them to be and want in the first place...and it doesn't mean they are less spiritual, less of a Christian, or weak for wanting to be married. ~ A Modern Day Ruth

Her Story

I don't see myself as a victim.

Victims don't get past their pain, they remain in it.

I know because I was one...I was stuck in my pain like being caught in a briar bush with long thorns ripping my heart again and again. I tried to heal my heart on my own and failed. But I am here to testify of God's amazing love and what He did for me personally!

I am an overcomer from:

Domestic violence: Being beaten, choked, thrown against walls, objects thrown at me, battling over a loaded gun, and threatened with my life...BUT GOD!

Verbal and mental abuse: Being told no man would ever love me, that I'm a not a good person, and many awful words that were far worse than the physical blows...BUT GOD! 

Control and manipulation: I wasn't allowed to have friends or communicate with my mother. I was held captive and not allowed to be myself or have any freedom. I was controlled in what I wore, not allowed to have access to money, not allowed to have friends without being punished...BUT GOD. 

Sexual Abuse: Forced to do things against my will...and so much more...BUT GOD.

Abandonment: Grew up with a Daddy that ignored me and didn't participate in my life. A husband of nearly 13 years who left me because he couldn't handle me being sick with a chronic pain condition. Opening up my heart again to a guy who I loved more than any man I ever loved, and then left me for another woman. I suffered rejection that nearly took my life...BUT GOD. 

A broken heart that was beating but was still bleeding: I tried alcohol, dating many guys, shopping, and anything that would numb my severely shattered heart, but could not find relief. I cried myself to sleep almost every night for three years...BUT GOD! 

I once was a victim of these things, but Christ set me free, and there was no condemnation or judgment like the people at church who are in love with religion more than having a relationship with Jesus, or others who were not walking in my shoes. Religion didn't relieve my pain! Jesus did!  In encountering His unconditional love, He healed me. His arms, they sustained me. His waterfalls of grace, they washed me. His love came down and rescued me. His love set me free. I AM an overcomer because of Him. If it weren't for JESUS. I honestly would not be here today, and because of Him, I now help and encourage others to encounter His love too. He is the healer of broken hearts and He is the redeemer of past debts. He is the key that unlocks our chains. It is for freedom that Christ sets us free. He came to not condemn those who are lost, broken, lonely, confused, or forgotten...the ones who are prisoners in their own filth and shame. He came for those who need him. He loved me at my bloodiest, ugliest, and right in my deepest darkness. I cried out to Him when I had no hope and He answered me. This is my testimony!  What is yours?  ~  Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2015

Signs you may be in an unhealthy and ungodly relationship:

*You have compromised your values and morals with that other person. You find yourself doing things you know you shouldn't be doing. You are letting your relationship with God take the back burner. You're christian walk is fading away. You feel pulled away from God more than being drawn closer to Him.

*You're engaged in premarital sex or "fooling around." You have crossed your boundary lines. Love is pure and it preserves. It promotes holiness and desires to honor God. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and so is the other person's.

*You have a feeling of unease. Your spirit feels unsettled. You have no lasting peace in the relationship. Perfect love casts out all fear. There shouldn't be fear if it's a healthy God inspired relationship.

*The person you're with is jealous of others: your friends, family members, or members of the opposite sex that know you. You are often having to reassure them that you are committed to the relationship. You fight about who you see and have to explain your whereabouts and activities. The person has huge trust issues. You are spending a lot of your energy explaining yourself. Remember love is NOT jealous.

*Things have happened really quickly and everything is rushed. Relationships that develop fast usually don't last through difficult times. A healthy relationship has been formed slowly and deeply over time. It has a firm foundation that has been built through friendship, mentoring, and is Christ-centered. Relationships that are built from emotional highs and sensual feelings will often fall like the house built on sand...Here today and gone tomorrow. Remember, love is patient.

*You feel controlled in the relationship. You don't have much of a voice. Your opinion doesn't matter. Your desires or words aren't considered. The other person controls the path of the relationship. Please run...run quickly! Real love is a commitment of two people working together. A Healthy relationship cares about the other person's needs, desires, and feelings.

*Your peer, mentors, and others...maybe even your own children tell you things are going too fast and that you should slow down. They advise against the relationship and share their worries or concerns. God gives us godly counsel for a reason. It's wise to listen to mentors and your friends.

*The relationship often feels one-sided. You're doing the majority of the work and investing. A healthy relationship is a team effort with two people communicating, giving, receiving, sharing, etc. If you're spending more time trying to please the other person all the time because they want their own way, run! It will get old real quick. Love is not demanding or selfish...it's not self seeking.

*There are signs of possessiveness. They call you 25 times in a day if you don't answer them. They text you more times then you can count. They check where you are and want to know where your are at all times. They can't take no for an answer. They show stalkerish behavior. Real relationships can handle healthy lengths of times apart. Both people trust each other. Healthy love is not clingy. Healthy relationships allow each other space and room to breathe.

*Someone in the relationship is banking on the other person changing someday. The truth is, no amount of your sweet loving is going to change your partner. If you're praying, fasting, hoping, wishing, and dreaming that they will become a better person, you're wasting yourself away. Only God can change them, and only if they are willing. So many times, people marry someone thinking that things will change after they walk down the aisle...that's delusional thinking.

*Someone in the relationship is lying. Either they change their story or they're only telling you half truths. They break promises and don't keep their word consistently. Lies tend to grow. Someone who has no problem lying will continue to in the future. A relationship built on lies will cause great pain and betrayal. If your future mate isn't truthful, you shouldn't be with them.  Remember, real love seeks the truth always.

*There's a lack of respect and honor. When there's conflict, the arguments are not constructive or helpful to the relationship. Your heart is not being heard. Harsh words and critical words are often used as manipulation.  Healthy relationships are two people caring about each other's needs, wants, and desires.

*Your relationship is primarily a secret. You have to hide your love. This is a huge red flag. Affairs are done in secret. True love does not hide in darkness.

*Your relationship experiences breakups and abandonment over and over again. The person leaves and comes back. This is so unhealthy! it also affects the people around you...especially your children. A healthy relationship doesn't break up at the drop of a hat. A healthy relationship has two people working thru conflicts or difficulties as they come. Remember Love endures all things, hopes all things, and never fails.

*You feel guilt shame in the relationship. Whether it's false guilt, or guilt from self-seeking pleasures. There's a feeling of weight and heaviness.  Love is not shameful. Pure love has no guilt.

*There is too much anger and violence. Screaming, hitting, throwing things, Verbal abuse, physical force, or threats -this is not love! One time feeling afraid in someone's presence during conflict is not okay. Love is gentle and kind. Love should feel safe. A healthy relationship does not contain violence.

If you have ANY of these things going on in your relationship, you have serious issues. These are red flags for any relationship. Pray about it and ask God what you need to do. Going down the aisle with stuff like this going on is NOT a blessing from God. The Bible is very clear about what love is! Read 1 Corinthians chapter 13.
~ A Modern Day Ruth​, Jenny Williams Copyright 2015

Signs You are Not Ready

Signs you are NOT ready for a new relationship:

1. Desperation. A godly woman or man doesn't have to be desperate for love, because she/he knows where their fulfillment comes from. It's normal to desire a life partner, but if it's your only focus day and night, you are not ready. Your heart's focus should be after God's heart and will. Wait until you are satisfied while waiting.

2. You keep trying to win back the heart of the last person you had a relationship with. You haven't let them go. You may have a soul tie and will need to ask God to free you from the obsession of needing that person's love or approval. Wait until you have let go emotionally, spiritually, mentally, etc. It's normal to have memories of that person, but you should be able to move forward in your life without their love.

3. You have not forgiven the person who hurt you. It's normal to have some old feelings trying to rise against you, but if you haven't made the choice to forgive them and let them go completely, you aren't ready. A good sign that you're healed in this area is when you can actually pray and hope for blessings in that person's life, you have left all judgments and any justice in God's hands, and you no longer desire punishment for what they did to you. Forgiveness is essential for going into a new relationship.

4. You keep trying to find yourself in others' approval and acceptance. Wait until you know your worth and value in Christ. You don't rely on others for your self esteem. Instead, rely on God's truth.

5. You just want to not be lonely anymore. You can't stand to be alone and you want to find someone to fill that need. It's best you wait until you can lay aside your selfish desires so that you can be a blessing to others. It's not all about you. Wait until you want to encourage, inspire, and build up that other person. Friendships are a healthy start. Also, wait until you realize that others are not meant to fulfill your every desire. Only God can satisfy you.

6. You haven't grieved long enough. You haven't let enough time go by since your last relationship. Wait until it's been a healthy length of time to reflect and to seek God about the mistakes from your past relationships. Wait until you have sought and gleaned wisdom from the past and learned from others, and you have been honest with yourself and God about what you did wrong. Make sure you have looked at mentors, resources, and others who have good relationships. Wisdom is so valuable. You don't want to keep repeating the cycle.

7. You're closed-minded and stuck on what you want for a spouse. Wait until you're open to what kind of spouse God wants you to have. It's good to know what you want, but don't limit God or put your ideal kind of mate in a box. Being in a marriage is a calling and a ministry. Are you ready for that? Are you ready to love the person God desires you to love? Do you trust God that He knows what's best for you?

8. All your friends and family tell you to wait...to heal some more. Wait until your peers and mentors are on board about your desire for a spouse. They are praying blessings for you and are in agreement. Godly counsel is so important. If all your friends are saying you're rushing things or to slow down, you'd better listen. God sends counsel for a reason...to protect you and preserve you.

9. You're in love with what that person might do for you more than what you will do for them. Love is serving. Love is giving. Wait until you desire to serve, and pray for that other person, and you're ready to seek to be a blessing to them in any way possible. Also that you have sought God's will and direction. The Holy Spirit will tell you to pray for them or encourage them.

10. You want to do things in your own strength and on your own terms. Wait until you have someone to keep you accountable...a godly friend or peer who will be objective and who will warn you if you're stepping outside of God's will. Accountability is so important. God's word says to seek wisdom and godly friends.

These are just a few signs you may not be ready to court or date someone. Remember to watch for their behavior and actions too. Make sure they are ready. We're all works in progress with our healing and growth. Be patient with the other person if they have been hurt before. Love is patient and kind....and not self seeking or jealous. Keep 1 Corinthians 13 as rule for what love is. Let it be your guide always. Love like Christ.

~ A Modern Day Ruth, Copyright 2015

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time, there was a princess who gave her all and self worth to a man who didn't deserve it. She adored him and lost herself in him. The more she loved, the more she lost. He broke her heart into a thousand pieces and walked away. She was heartsick and felt so alone. She cried herself to sleep each night. One day the Prince of Peace walked in and asked her to give all her broken pieces to Him. He became her best friend as she slowly healed day by day. He put her heart back together. She became stronger as He fed her truth and gave her living waters to drink. She finally saw her worth in His eyes. She wasn't just a princess, but a queen who belonged to the King of Kings. She now helps other broken hearts find their Prince of Peace. She works and builds kingdoms for her King. One day, an appointed and anointed son of the King will take her hand, but God will always have first place in her heart. A Modern Day Ruth, Jenny Williams, Copyright 2015

...And She Waits

She loves Jesus. He's been a faithful friend through every trial. She's known many tears: ones from her own eyes and the ones she's wiped away for others. She's learned to look for the beauty in everything, even in the most dark and lonely places. A human's heart is a treasure, so she is careful to handle each one carefully. She smiles even when she feels like crying. She sings in desolate places as prayers are lifted to the heavens. She wonders if all the toiling and burdens are all that's left on her face. Is that all others see? She wants love just like all the rest, and she prays for married couples and wishes them blessings. She's hoping and longing for her turn too. She wipes her brow and she pushes through her fears, doubts, and tears...and she waits. ~ A Modern Day Ruth